.,thinkin'....

.,it's just less than a week and i still don't know if i can celebrate it.... well, my friends already know why....
in life, there are things that won't work if it isn't meant to... and as my 'bestfrend' said... "things...will not always go... the way we want it..." haizzzz.....
i do not know what to do... i feel so selfish and self-centered, and hei (friends with benefits what is it?...) oh a 'bitch'.. hahaha.... i was just like a social larvae... am i a good friend?.... well, honestly i think not... neither do they know... i know, i know... jokes are half meant right?... but i really just can't see even a single ray of light in this total darkness... no preparations, no celebration.... only plans... how i wish that it wouldn't be just plans.... ahhh... i feel so out of my element... and just wished to be struck by anything at anytime now... haizzzz.... is this all that i can do?... sigh... i don't know if I'd regret the choice i have made... the self- benefit, opposite friendship...well i think its just right to give some to myself... i will be at the legal age four or five days from now... and i do not feel happy nor overjoyed or jumping off my feet... i am bothered by all the things that is happening... and those that might happen soon... do i have to feel sorry?... in some ways i think, yes... but generally?... na-ah... i just have to look at it the better way..
this is just a test... and only i... know if i'd reach the passing rate... hahaha...
Happy 18th Birthday Me!!!!!!....=)