Revive, Resuscitate, and Recover...

There are almost a gazillion ideas and sexvigintillion thoughts running through my disbursed head. My frontal lobe can't actually process all the information and data at once, not now... not yet.

Who would have thought that I will be paying my debts as early as now with regards to the rewards or shall I say punishment I, myself am giving to my lean and gaunt physical body. I felt sick for the past few days (again), and take a note of it, that exactly was during my officially-out-of-the-teens-birth day. I didn't knew it would be this quick that I get to have the loose change. Months ago, during the second-half of the year, I felt like I was over my greatest capacity to bear or handle physical and psychological situations. I must have met my crisis with the unknown situations for I take stress as a hobby, its as if it was my favorite among life's delicacies.

I wanted to have a break now, a break from the cruel situations life is offering me or that's the way I see it now. I assumed so much responsibility, I guess more than I could have handled-possibly out of the lines. I am done with the old lifestyle once I get myself back on track- this is not a promise, its an order, an aim, a goal:  not a thing that I 'have' to do for my own self but rather one which I 'need to do/shall be doing' by now. I have made some pieces of my heart be shattered along the paths I take and in a place where it is quite hard to pick it all up again. Its gone in an instant. I am taking all of my time to breathe deeply, and as I take each oxygenation process, I frequently try to ask Someone 'why', but I never get to have new answers, for I throw the questions back to myself thereafter. 

We get to meet new people through each path we take but no one stays permanently (are you 'no one'?), some leaves and never returns, some stays for a while and then escapes the situation as soon as they get what they want and it throbs. I have never felt a single emotion with each particular moment of experience. It always do come in pairs, a package. For the nth time, I have had my consultation with a family physician and people frequently asks me about how well did the result go, I utter no words in response to their query for I believe it would be healthier if I consciously get to use silence and oftentimes suppression as a defense mechanism. Life is a game we play and its a little difficult to play fair. Thanks but no thanks for the unsolicited concerns.

I mention words which frequently hit my veins and in an instant, it pricks deep all the way through. I shall do the reviving on my own, and I need to revitalize I know. Along the process of changing, I shall resuscitate my breath... and in the counts for life I shall continue; wisdom is taking the place of the long before hidden part of my being. I am living yet slowly dying. I live to live and not to get lost- Easily.

-Photo taken from my old cp camera-

They say that the stars is nowhere to be found in the morning but they get to rise and shine brightly at night. The moon may be covered by the dark gray clouds but it still glows a ton of white light. We may be living life in the midst of struggles but what is good about the creatures here on earth is that they are capable of adapting with what is happening in the environment. 

Recover. After all these, I am wishing forth to regain what I have lost, to get something back on my sole possession, to get things well and then be better, amend for good.

“A DECADE OR TWO”

A composition I have made for a paper requirement at school goes like this...

In life, we cannot always be so certain about the paths we take and the roads we travel. We may go with the flow or oppose the forces of nature if we want to.

Four years ago, I was merely out of the interest in pursuing this course for I was thinking of not seeing myself doing the works of care for others, but as time went by in just an instant and through the moments of learning, wisdom and experience I have realized that half of my life now is revolving within and is on its way towards becoming a noble profession.

The first two years of my study were central to plain school works and imaginative creations of hospital works in my futile mind, then who would have thought that sooner or later I will be reaching the sweet fruits of my cultivated passion. I have felt the fervor within me to care for patients with hospital and community exposures in a meaningful worthwhile. I have had stood on my own pedestal and was able to help myself rise despite diverse existent shortcomings and hindrances as I lived life aiming forth to be successful in this chosen lea of mine.

The feelings of fulfillment laid in my circumscription stand as one of my motivations in continuing what I have started. There are so many stories to tell but learning to love what initially meant nothing for me felt like something so usual. Others may see me as a normal student or may perceive me as a typical one but to those people who know me personally, I may be one of the most outstanding, call it special or different in a unique manner.

No one can predict what one will be, even after a year from now… more so, a decade or two; all these are simply expectations and what we want ourselves to be in the near future. I have always had great results whatever my secondary choices were even during my high school years and until now, as I get nearer and closer towards reaching my baccalaureate diploma, I get to plan things in a wide range of spontaneity.

Two decades from now, with plans laid on hand, I see myself and hope for to be a successful professional in the pursuit of the good and for the betterment of my family and my personality/ self as a functional well-being; as of now I am thinking of widening my range of expertise. I want to explore things out of my baby box. I want to explore the world. Experience and study the cultures of the West, Asia and the Southern countries. I want to be one of the most successful nurses of my age. I want to uplift the morale of my Country beginning with my University. I want to develop further within me the heart of a Clinical Instructor with a Masters Degree in Nursing with my professors whom shall stand as my sole inspirations and exemplars. I want to experience, out of curiosity the works of a call center agent where people say nurses go after graduation or board exams simply to practice and employ my speech prowess just for a moment. I want to work in a well-known institution with only the best employees for quality patient care. I wish forth to finish culinary arts just to know a wide variety of cuisines not seeking of green pastures; I want to be the best that I can be out of the country. I want to give pride to our clan, to my family and of course to myself. I am looking forward towards experiencing only the best and the greatest in thy near future. I want to serve the Lord and my Country. I do not actually plan of having my own family or build a new one as soon as I am affirmably settled and have had established matters on every aspect of my being but rather I see myself as a successful individual and then am hoping forth to be one. What we expect to see in the time ahead are simply the reflections of what we wish forth ourselves to be. We can’t count on to anybody except to the One who is guiding us and who always sees us from above.

This Head Nursing experience gave me the wisdom and compassion not only with the patients but also with my colleagues. I was able to show and perform my leadership and managing skills, not only guiding to be followed but also learning to be dynamic as well at all times. Leading (or simply being able to lead), in addition to nursing as a caring profession could also be considered as a privilege. Modestly being able to assess the accomplishments within a limited span of time, I can easily say that I, together with my co-head nurses have been effective and efficient, smart and intellectual enough to serve as a guide to our subordinates and future colleagues.

I am living my life as it is now in the present time, with the wisdom of what the latter Mahatma Gandhi have quoted, “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” I am taking my time in constructing the doorways of what others call ‘destiny’ and what I call Life and Reality; and I believe, for whatever we do, in word or deed, we shall do all in the Name of Our Lord. I am setting the direction towards reaching my future, the way towards pressing the success key and then push on enter, the road towards love, the path towards happiness and everything else in between.

-The End-