,hai... i can say that this is in this times the best semestral break i have ever had.... hahaha.... i have made a lot of memories with my bestest friends.... (way back since high school....)
i spent about three fourths or i think almost 85% of my free times with them.... it started last Saturday... like the old times in their house.... it is really the best time i have ever had.... and i never expected that it was gonna be repeated not only once or twice.... but three consecutive days... and the most memorable one is the time when the three of us all alone have been together for the first time after a year.... and now i can truly say that we are all fine...=) we have moved on.... we already buried the past to its rightful place....
this is the best sembreak because this is the first time that some things first happened....
we are now matured enough... i can say....
the guy and i have eaten breakfast together for the first time...and guess what?... his treat!... hahaha...that is a new thing after all....we went to the house of the girl together, just the two of us.... we attended the acquaintance party of the acsbc (an association for scholars....) and as i expected, hahaha... it is just him whom i have made a bond with... again...
i and the girl on the 2nd day of the week went to an arcade... and we played games.... a lot.... and of course its my treat.... (at the wonderpark) it has been a long time ago since we last did that together just for fun.... and i really missed that.... she sang at the videoke.... and we played and played games since our last token was gone.... hahaha....we went to the birthday party of our classmate and we bathe at the rush of the rain on our way home... hahaha... we are like kids having fun there....
i have waited for a year for those things to happen again... and now i am happy that we are "back"....
we are the bestest friends more than before....
i am looking forward to make more good memories with them... there is no relationship that i have now which can replace the one i am having with those individuals... and how i wish that i can be able to build the strongest relationship no entities can ever break....
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Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
.,matters...
.,lots of things keeps running through my mind... there are so many stuffs and issues which bothers me and I don't know where to start... all are serious matters and all of them seems to be so hard to handle...
==
....well it has been more than two weeks i think... i have been waiting for a text message from someone... i do not know what is that i have done wrong... i am falling apart... i don't know... if that thing really happens well, i can say i am so weak.... i do not know but it always shows up through my mind... every night i think of those things that possibly made that person 'forget' that i still exist... whoo.... it really makes me feel so bothered... a lack of communication really weakens a relationship....
(another..)
....hei... every day, every night i always remember to send some one a quote just for that person to reply even a blank text message... hell that thing.... i really do not expect anything from that person but the truth is i really do.... hai......
==
....it has been a week ago and upto now since i have started to spent my own money with school stuffs without getting any support from my parent...(just one) hoooo.... i am blaming no one but heck... i still have a celebration to prepare for.... i am quite selfish i know coz i just think of myself... but it's their responsibility... not mine... nor other people's....
my "bestfriend" rejected the help that i am proposing to give to him... i was quite offended but i know him... he will surely choose not to receive any monetary amount from me even if he knows that i am the only person that time who can really help him.... he also have that some kind of pride with him... amd that was the time when i realized how silly it was to have that kind of thing on that type of situation.... we have been together for almost 4years now...(i did not include that 1year...=) but he still feels that it might seem to be like he's taking advantage of what i have....(its just my opinion...) a lot of problems are facing him right now... and he's sharing it with me.... i feel quite happy coz he's trusting me with those kinds of stuffs... but what hurts me is that i am whole heartedly trying to give what i can and still i just received a rejection...
=
....two days ago i went at my grand fathers house located just across the street to take his BP for the second time and to check if it has gone lower than my previous reading.... good thing it lowered down evenly.... but i am still bothered that he might again have a higher BP.... my cousin just eloped about two or three days i think.... she went away with his current boyfriend and my aunt and uncle do not know where she is right now.... she's two months older than me... but i felt really sad for her.... my grandfather told me at once...."tanga siya... nagpauto siya sa lalake... ang sarap sarap mag aral...." (she's so dumb... she let her boy friend fool her.... isn't it so good to study{to be at school?}.... i felt like i was strucked ny lightning when i heard all those hurting words that he said... i am not used to hearing 'bad words' because my parents never really used those words to me & my brothers.... i felt really sad and i am worried about the situation of my dearest cousin right now.... she's the closest one to me compared to my other cousins.... but what kind of a person am i not be able to do anything during those times.... and i am thinking that i might have been the last person to know that.... huh.... am i of no value?....
==
.... i do not tell any one that i am having these kinds of problems... coz i know they are having their own struggles right now... and i do not want to be added up to those.... i just don't want to....
i do not know where to start... to start solving those equations laid before me.... i think i can't do it my way.... i do not know lots of things.... i don't talk about important things with other people.... i am selfish.. i am rude.... i am a worthless person.... i am saying this now because i am really sinking down this muddy path that i have chosen to take.... and it really bothers me a lot....
what ever these things causes me i will surely not give up the fight.... i am strong enough now to face these challenges.... after all.... It is not only I who will face this battle.... I will surely meet some one in the course of this fight... to help me win things out.... and be the entity He created me to be....
=
....well it has been more than two weeks i think... i have been waiting for a text message from someone... i do not know what is that i have done wrong... i am falling apart... i don't know... if that thing really happens well, i can say i am so weak.... i do not know but it always shows up through my mind... every night i think of those things that possibly made that person 'forget' that i still exist... whoo.... it really makes me feel so bothered... a lack of communication really weakens a relationship....
(another..)
....hei... every day, every night i always remember to send some one a quote just for that person to reply even a blank text message... hell that thing.... i really do not expect anything from that person but the truth is i really do.... hai......
=
....it has been a week ago and upto now since i have started to spent my own money with school stuffs without getting any support from my parent...(just one) hoooo.... i am blaming no one but heck... i still have a celebration to prepare for.... i am quite selfish i know coz i just think of myself... but it's their responsibility... not mine... nor other people's....
my "bestfriend" rejected the help that i am proposing to give to him... i was quite offended but i know him... he will surely choose not to receive any monetary amount from me even if he knows that i am the only person that time who can really help him.... he also have that some kind of pride with him... amd that was the time when i realized how silly it was to have that kind of thing on that type of situation.... we have been together for almost 4years now...(i did not include that 1year...=) but he still feels that it might seem to be like he's taking advantage of what i have....(its just my opinion...) a lot of problems are facing him right now... and he's sharing it with me.... i feel quite happy coz he's trusting me with those kinds of stuffs... but what hurts me is that i am whole heartedly trying to give what i can and still i just received a rejection...
=
....two days ago i went at my grand fathers house located just across the street to take his BP for the second time and to check if it has gone lower than my previous reading.... good thing it lowered down evenly.... but i am still bothered that he might again have a higher BP.... my cousin just eloped about two or three days i think.... she went away with his current boyfriend and my aunt and uncle do not know where she is right now.... she's two months older than me... but i felt really sad for her.... my grandfather told me at once...."tanga siya... nagpauto siya sa lalake... ang sarap sarap mag aral...." (she's so dumb... she let her boy friend fool her.... isn't it so good to study{to be at school?}.... i felt like i was strucked ny lightning when i heard all those hurting words that he said... i am not used to hearing 'bad words' because my parents never really used those words to me & my brothers.... i felt really sad and i am worried about the situation of my dearest cousin right now.... she's the closest one to me compared to my other cousins.... but what kind of a person am i not be able to do anything during those times.... and i am thinking that i might have been the last person to know that.... huh.... am i of no value?....
=
.... i do not tell any one that i am having these kinds of problems... coz i know they are having their own struggles right now... and i do not want to be added up to those.... i just don't want to....
i do not know where to start... to start solving those equations laid before me.... i think i can't do it my way.... i do not know lots of things.... i don't talk about important things with other people.... i am selfish.. i am rude.... i am a worthless person.... i am saying this now because i am really sinking down this muddy path that i have chosen to take.... and it really bothers me a lot....
what ever these things causes me i will surely not give up the fight.... i am strong enough now to face these challenges.... after all.... It is not only I who will face this battle.... I will surely meet some one in the course of this fight... to help me win things out.... and be the entity He created me to be....
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
.,a month ago...
.,that was already a month ago.... and this is what happened...
(FLASHBACK...)
.,this is such a day... well, it did fine... but the last parts are the best!...
I have waited over so long for that thing to happen... Sept. 20 '08, 12:50am...
this is the day that i have been waiting to happen... happy to see my friends, such a mem'table experience... i have never expected those things could happen... I felt a little unhappy at first but it was a save... whew...
Former and the latter... a little jealous at times...haha... Joke!... I am really happy to close a part of that 'topic' and it is already done... We talked about lots of stuffs that we should have during that year or less... "sorry" and that is what i have said... I wasted so much times just doing nothing... I've wanted to say more but humble as the former is to say... "no, sorry 'coz it's all my fault"... This is what i loved about 'f' that this person doesn't know how to forget what we have made together... 'a unique bond'... that was i think 10-15minutes talk... and i know that it won't take a lot longer even if i want to... if i can just stop the time... i'll make it extend 'til forever... but sorry for me.. coz i can't... that is an incomplete conversation... we could have talked about more things when we still have the time. well, i know there will be... i need to exert more efforts to fill a lot of emptied spaces... we're close enough yet, still far... I don't know if i can make it up to 'f' but i know there are lots of ways to... I just wish that we could be given the right time... and i asks, "when do you think that would be?..."
(BACK TO PRESENT...)
that was really a memorable day for me... i always feel a different spark when i am with that person... well that was for that day... everything changes... but some stays the same... well whereever category i may be i know that life goes on.... that 'every today' will always be a part of another 'yesterday'...
(FLASHBACK...)
.,this is such a day... well, it did fine... but the last parts are the best!...
I have waited over so long for that thing to happen... Sept. 20 '08, 12:50am...
this is the day that i have been waiting to happen... happy to see my friends, such a mem'table experience... i have never expected those things could happen... I felt a little unhappy at first but it was a save... whew...
Former and the latter... a little jealous at times...haha... Joke!... I am really happy to close a part of that 'topic' and it is already done... We talked about lots of stuffs that we should have during that year or less... "sorry" and that is what i have said... I wasted so much times just doing nothing... I've wanted to say more but humble as the former is to say... "no, sorry 'coz it's all my fault"... This is what i loved about 'f' that this person doesn't know how to forget what we have made together... 'a unique bond'... that was i think 10-15minutes talk... and i know that it won't take a lot longer even if i want to... if i can just stop the time... i'll make it extend 'til forever... but sorry for me.. coz i can't... that is an incomplete conversation... we could have talked about more things when we still have the time. well, i know there will be... i need to exert more efforts to fill a lot of emptied spaces... we're close enough yet, still far... I don't know if i can make it up to 'f' but i know there are lots of ways to... I just wish that we could be given the right time... and i asks, "when do you think that would be?..."
(BACK TO PRESENT...)
that was really a memorable day for me... i always feel a different spark when i am with that person... well that was for that day... everything changes... but some stays the same... well whereever category i may be i know that life goes on.... that 'every today' will always be a part of another 'yesterday'...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
.,diversity...
.,from the start of the day, while the sun slowly rushes up to the clouds, different entities started to come my way...
i woke up a little early yesterday... my clock read 4:50 in the morning and i tell you its no joke... my eyes do want to shut but then it will be a sin if they will.. I went to the market with my dad, my older brother gave us a ride up to the main road... then we rode a bus going to our destination... (it's Balanga v/v Olongapo...)
From there, I've seen a lot of different individuals... each with their own Businesses... seating in front of us is a nursing student... How did I know?... hahaha... ask me how... of course she's wearing that full white uniform with that collar and buttons in... those silly stockings which always shows some skin.... (yah know it!...=) I can feel her exhaustiveness maybe coming from that 10-6 duty... She fell asleep on the hand rails just when the bus conductor was ready to collect the fair... on my left side is an old lady... i don't know where she's going but i heard her say... 'talipapa' (wet market) she's carrying a lot of stuffs... maybe her goods to sell... she's i think too old for her work... I pity those who do not deserve what they have... She paid for the fair and said " wag na, wag mo na akong suklian..." (no, that's alright.. just keep the change...) just when the conductor is going to give her her change... At the back of the driver's seat is a mother and son tandem... I wondered where they are going 'coz the mother wears a Sunday dress and the son on a high school uniform... Yes it is still school day, as a matter of fact it is just Thursday... and then arriving at their pit stop, that's just the time when I realized, they are going to submit their faith ... my father whispered to me... "huwebes nga pala ngayon... muntik ko na makalimutan... ( I almost forgot... It's Thursday today...) the entities I am talking about are 'Iglesia ni Cristo" they are having their mass every Thursday and the time i know is 5:30 Am... We are getting slose to our destination when a girl looked at me directly in the eye... I don't know maybe i have a dirt within the surface of my face... hahaha...=) and then we bid goodbye... Arriving at the market, we rode a tricycle to lessen our tiresome... The driver is a joker fat man... I do not know but I can't ride with that entity's personality... we are really just different... (even though he's my uncle...)
At the market, I got caught with the conversation of another mother and son duo... I just heard "200?... anuh yon!!... Lahat nga sila naka maroon tapos ako naka pula!..."(200pesos?... what is this?... they {maybe his friends} all are wearing maroon {shirts} and then me in red?...) The son shouting at his mom... He's younger than me... i know it because we study at the same school when I was elementary... His mom Just said nothing but i know she's hurt... Her son walked out of the scene with his mom following him... I do not know what was that specific reaction I had... Probably because I was just shocked... he was talking about a shirt maybe that he wants to buy for a certain occasion... I don't know where...
that situation made me look back at myself... and made me think How do I do?... (as a son, a student, a servant of God, As me, myself... and I...
There are Different individuals living in our world... and i know that every one of them is diverse or shall i say unique on their own simple ways... I do not know them but i know; by their words, their actions, what they wear, or even how they look at me... they can all be easily defined...
I always say this... i got this from a television show... 'Every one in this world is a plain VAGABOND......' just waiting to be explored to... Diversity... each and every entity is different and in their own ways...Unique through their own simple ways....
i woke up a little early yesterday... my clock read 4:50 in the morning and i tell you its no joke... my eyes do want to shut but then it will be a sin if they will.. I went to the market with my dad, my older brother gave us a ride up to the main road... then we rode a bus going to our destination... (it's Balanga v/v Olongapo...)
From there, I've seen a lot of different individuals... each with their own Businesses... seating in front of us is a nursing student... How did I know?... hahaha... ask me how... of course she's wearing that full white uniform with that collar and buttons in... those silly stockings which always shows some skin.... (yah know it!...=) I can feel her exhaustiveness maybe coming from that 10-6 duty... She fell asleep on the hand rails just when the bus conductor was ready to collect the fair... on my left side is an old lady... i don't know where she's going but i heard her say... 'talipapa' (wet market) she's carrying a lot of stuffs... maybe her goods to sell... she's i think too old for her work... I pity those who do not deserve what they have... She paid for the fair and said " wag na, wag mo na akong suklian..." (no, that's alright.. just keep the change...) just when the conductor is going to give her her change... At the back of the driver's seat is a mother and son tandem... I wondered where they are going 'coz the mother wears a Sunday dress and the son on a high school uniform... Yes it is still school day, as a matter of fact it is just Thursday... and then arriving at their pit stop, that's just the time when I realized, they are going to submit their faith ... my father whispered to me... "huwebes nga pala ngayon... muntik ko na makalimutan... ( I almost forgot... It's Thursday today...) the entities I am talking about are 'Iglesia ni Cristo" they are having their mass every Thursday and the time i know is 5:30 Am... We are getting slose to our destination when a girl looked at me directly in the eye... I don't know maybe i have a dirt within the surface of my face... hahaha...=) and then we bid goodbye... Arriving at the market, we rode a tricycle to lessen our tiresome... The driver is a joker fat man... I do not know but I can't ride with that entity's personality... we are really just different... (even though he's my uncle...)
At the market, I got caught with the conversation of another mother and son duo... I just heard "200?... anuh yon!!... Lahat nga sila naka maroon tapos ako naka pula!..."(200pesos?... what is this?... they {maybe his friends} all are wearing maroon {shirts} and then me in red?...) The son shouting at his mom... He's younger than me... i know it because we study at the same school when I was elementary... His mom Just said nothing but i know she's hurt... Her son walked out of the scene with his mom following him... I do not know what was that specific reaction I had... Probably because I was just shocked... he was talking about a shirt maybe that he wants to buy for a certain occasion... I don't know where...
that situation made me look back at myself... and made me think How do I do?... (as a son, a student, a servant of God, As me, myself... and I...
There are Different individuals living in our world... and i know that every one of them is diverse or shall i say unique on their own simple ways... I do not know them but i know; by their words, their actions, what they wear, or even how they look at me... they can all be easily defined...
I always say this... i got this from a television show... 'Every one in this world is a plain VAGABOND......' just waiting to be explored to... Diversity... each and every entity is different and in their own ways...Unique through their own simple ways....
Sunday, October 12, 2008
.,home...
.,it has been two days and one night when i have been away from home... i feel really happy coz for the first time my parents allowed me to go to a far off place... hahhaa...=) away from the city...
It was really nice to be back home... last night i felt little teardrops falling from my eyes... while lying down my bed... i missed my pillows(they're five..=) and my own room having no one to share it with.... (a little selfish...=) hahaha... seriously speaking... i missed my mom and my dad with that two days... i just came home last night after our last touch at the sea water... and it was fun... i really felt like i am really loved...=)
with that two days i can say that we have made cool bonds with each other... doing lots of different stuffs... sleeping together in just one room with several beds... i am really proud of my group... we have survived a huge struggle... atlast... we're done... and we're all fine with each other... we are all friends... and that's why i am really proud of us... coz' i think the other groups haven't made that kind of special bond our group have made.... we've eaten meals together using bare hands... and taking shoots together having just pure fun...
The beach... the sea was really calming... and it is very inviting... i love the cold waves... the beautiful sunset that we are able to see during that last day... it was really amusing... that was my first time to be able to see the beautiful wonders of nature... god's creations... and i am really thankful for that experience.... i have picked up some sea shells just for additional memories and remembrances... they're cute... and i will never forget that place...
I was wrong for that first impression... i really was... well that is the time when i proved to myself that he is not that hard to be with... that he can be a good brother too... and i was really guilty then thinkin' of those things that i have thought of him... he's nice... it's just that we sometimes misinterpret his attitude... hahaha...=) i know other people who thinks that he's more of just a man... a boss... i think we just need to adjust for him to fit... hahaha... well i'm serious... with that bond we've made... those times we've shared... he really is a well man...
i hope that those times can again happen... with different individuals... with other friends... and my family.... and to other people... don't waste time...start making memories... make good bonds...=) (and don't trust first impressions...=)
It was really nice to be back home... last night i felt little teardrops falling from my eyes... while lying down my bed... i missed my pillows(they're five..=) and my own room having no one to share it with.... (a little selfish...=) hahaha... seriously speaking... i missed my mom and my dad with that two days... i just came home last night after our last touch at the sea water... and it was fun... i really felt like i am really loved...=)
with that two days i can say that we have made cool bonds with each other... doing lots of different stuffs... sleeping together in just one room with several beds... i am really proud of my group... we have survived a huge struggle... atlast... we're done... and we're all fine with each other... we are all friends... and that's why i am really proud of us... coz' i think the other groups haven't made that kind of special bond our group have made.... we've eaten meals together using bare hands... and taking shoots together having just pure fun...
The beach... the sea was really calming... and it is very inviting... i love the cold waves... the beautiful sunset that we are able to see during that last day... it was really amusing... that was my first time to be able to see the beautiful wonders of nature... god's creations... and i am really thankful for that experience.... i have picked up some sea shells just for additional memories and remembrances... they're cute... and i will never forget that place...
I was wrong for that first impression... i really was... well that is the time when i proved to myself that he is not that hard to be with... that he can be a good brother too... and i was really guilty then thinkin' of those things that i have thought of him... he's nice... it's just that we sometimes misinterpret his attitude... hahaha...=) i know other people who thinks that he's more of just a man... a boss... i think we just need to adjust for him to fit... hahaha... well i'm serious... with that bond we've made... those times we've shared... he really is a well man...
i hope that those times can again happen... with different individuals... with other friends... and my family.... and to other people... don't waste time...start making memories... make good bonds...=) (and don't trust first impressions...=)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
.,Frozen fried potato french fries (with ketchup=)...
.,well, i am a month old here now... and i say that this is really a wonderful idea... this blog of mine... i can tell whatever i do want to say without offending others(that's what i think and it's just my point of view=) a lot of things happened for these past few days or for the past month shall i say... but yesterday was my very disastrous day... yes... it is our final examination on two major subjects... i have reviewed my notes fairly enough but i don't know what had caused me to fail myself... i know i can do better than that... it's just that i do not really expect the questions to be asked on those examinations... i don't expect good results actually... 'coz i don't want to... not that i am being silly or nega but hei... who can be confident with that hour-long examination with a hundred and fifty items on the test paper and you having only about 50 or 60 sure shot answers.... whew....
Let's go to the other one... huh.... another disappointment for me... alright it's a hundred items-examination and 50% of the points came from that vaccines whatever... uh.... i have not reviewed that, even though we are told to memorize all those... Is the problem really within me?... well, i think so... study habits... laziness..., no one to blame but i, myself... hoo... am i allowed to cry?... huhuhu.... that's alright... (huh?)... i need to get high grades next semester... i really need to.... i need to get that academic scholarship for the second time... i say i'm an average student... not below nor on top...(humble?).... hahaha.... well, as one of my classmate/friend said..."Yung iba dun hindi naman talaga matatalino...." (some of those individuals aren't reall that smart...) "masisipag lang sila mag aral tsaka hindi sila kagaya natin..." (It's just that, they are studying harder than we do...) and then she laughs and added... "babawi na lang ako sa third year..." (I'll be better next year... when we are already on level three...) of course i will also defend mysely... and so i said... "ok na sa'kin ung maging topnotcher sa board exam... hahaha...=) ( well, it's not bad if I'll be a topnotcher on the board exam...) and then i laughed... ambitious?... i don't think so... there's nothing wrong with dreaming right?... so DREAM BIG... TRUST IN YOURSELF... and most importantly, HAVE FAITH IN GOD...=) that's the spirit... Go Guys...
(dedicated to all BSN-2A a.y. '08-'09 BPSU-BC, Bataan, Philippines.... still moving... second sem.=)
Let's go to the other one... huh.... another disappointment for me... alright it's a hundred items-examination and 50% of the points came from that vaccines whatever... uh.... i have not reviewed that, even though we are told to memorize all those... Is the problem really within me?... well, i think so... study habits... laziness..., no one to blame but i, myself... hoo... am i allowed to cry?... huhuhu.... that's alright... (huh?)... i need to get high grades next semester... i really need to.... i need to get that academic scholarship for the second time... i say i'm an average student... not below nor on top...(humble?).... hahaha.... well, as one of my classmate/friend said..."Yung iba dun hindi naman talaga matatalino...." (some of those individuals aren't reall that smart...) "masisipag lang sila mag aral tsaka hindi sila kagaya natin..." (It's just that, they are studying harder than we do...) and then she laughs and added... "babawi na lang ako sa third year..." (I'll be better next year... when we are already on level three...) of course i will also defend mysely... and so i said... "ok na sa'kin ung maging topnotcher sa board exam... hahaha...=) ( well, it's not bad if I'll be a topnotcher on the board exam...) and then i laughed... ambitious?... i don't think so... there's nothing wrong with dreaming right?... so DREAM BIG... TRUST IN YOURSELF... and most importantly, HAVE FAITH IN GOD...=) that's the spirit... Go Guys...
(dedicated to all BSN-2A a.y. '08-'09 BPSU-BC, Bataan, Philippines.... still moving... second sem.=)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
.,to you..=) friend...=)
.,hey even if you cannot read this bulletin I'll still post this for you....
that was such a great day for me...
i do not always go to beaches and other far away places.... but then through your place i got out of this Smokey city...
and i am very grateful that you gave us the permission to stay there overnight... this is the first time that i am gonna be away from home... but I'm not sad.... the truth is that i am really happy... for this is the first time that i am gonna be experiencing a new stuff... hahaha.... i am really happy and i do not know how to further express what i feel right now....
thank God you are one of my group mate... i am looking forward to make memories with each and everyone of you guys.... alrighty then... no bitterness.... i said 'everyone....'=)
(posted on friendster bulletin board...)
that was such a great day for me...
i do not always go to beaches and other far away places.... but then through your place i got out of this Smokey city...
and i am very grateful that you gave us the permission to stay there overnight... this is the first time that i am gonna be away from home... but I'm not sad.... the truth is that i am really happy... for this is the first time that i am gonna be experiencing a new stuff... hahaha.... i am really happy and i do not know how to further express what i feel right now....
thank God you are one of my group mate... i am looking forward to make memories with each and everyone of you guys.... alrighty then... no bitterness.... i said 'everyone....'=)
(posted on friendster bulletin board...)
Sunday, October 5, 2008
.,birthdays....
.,a lot of celebrants... a lot of money to be spent.... a lot of people to meet.... a lot of everything this week.... isn't it hard to have so many friends?.... huh?..... what are you talking about?.... yes sometimes it is.... i am having a hectic schedule these past few days.... truth?.... i really wonder how i have dealt with all of those stuffs.... hahaha...=) (or shall i say 'we'?...) studies and extra personal activities just happens.... and sometimes i am thinking to give up some other things.... not all are happy ones... but i am not saying that most are 'disasters'?..... (study literature....) hahaha.... do i mean what i say?.... i do not really know.... it's just that things do not go the way we want it... there are always hindrances to block our path.... and all those bumps that are laid on ways.... hai.... i just can't help but ask God 'why'?.... i really do not know how to pass through lifes tunnels if i am not with Him.... all His guidance are the ones making me continue.... i just hope to reach the destination with all the good things captured.... and left those evil things behind....
Matthew 21:22
"if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer..."
Matthew 21:22
"if you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer..."
.,jealousy...=)
"Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind. "
.,what a word?.... does this mean anything?.... hai... i wish i am never the one i am right now.... hahahaha.....=) kidding... i don't know but i am getting jealous of somethings.... about things that i have never felt before... all the in the world is a plain vagabond... they just travel by and by.... i do not know what had caused me to feel this way... on the first place i have nothing to hold on to... to prove to anyone anything... Huh?.... got that?.... hahaha... yes i feel jealous... but not so much... i am not in a relationship where in i do have a great access... yah know it... well, this is what i feel and i am a human being... this is just normal right?.... well just do not cross the line.... hahaha.... i get jealous but i do not really know why.... does it mean that i am really loving or what?.... i do not trust myself... i think that's it...? i have so many things to do and yet i am thinking of unworthy things.... of selfless feelings.... right?....
mood swings... these are the ones i am having.... i do not know how to control this.... i am holding me... i must know how.... there are a lot of things that happened during these past few days.... i do not know if those are really meant to happen but i believe that we have surpassed all of those.... today is a new day.... i am thinking to give her up.... or to stay.... hei.... i won't.... we still have a long way to go.... and where ever the wind goes i will follow.... i will not give up.... i will fight and try to get rid of this thing that is within me right now.... this damn thing... that makes my world sink.... hahaha...=) i seem to be happy but i am not..... sometimes i show what i feel to those who are affecting me.... hei i don't want to be plastic.... just want to be real... this is me.... what can i do?.... i don't want to hide to people what i really do feel....
i still have so much time to think of stuffs.... (to think things out....) whatever!!!..... que sera sera....
.,what a word?.... does this mean anything?.... hai... i wish i am never the one i am right now.... hahahaha.....=) kidding... i don't know but i am getting jealous of somethings.... about things that i have never felt before... all the in the world is a plain vagabond... they just travel by and by.... i do not know what had caused me to feel this way... on the first place i have nothing to hold on to... to prove to anyone anything... Huh?.... got that?.... hahaha... yes i feel jealous... but not so much... i am not in a relationship where in i do have a great access... yah know it... well, this is what i feel and i am a human being... this is just normal right?.... well just do not cross the line.... hahaha.... i get jealous but i do not really know why.... does it mean that i am really loving or what?.... i do not trust myself... i think that's it...? i have so many things to do and yet i am thinking of unworthy things.... of selfless feelings.... right?....
mood swings... these are the ones i am having.... i do not know how to control this.... i am holding me... i must know how.... there are a lot of things that happened during these past few days.... i do not know if those are really meant to happen but i believe that we have surpassed all of those.... today is a new day.... i am thinking to give her up.... or to stay.... hei.... i won't.... we still have a long way to go.... and where ever the wind goes i will follow.... i will not give up.... i will fight and try to get rid of this thing that is within me right now.... this damn thing... that makes my world sink.... hahaha...=) i seem to be happy but i am not..... sometimes i show what i feel to those who are affecting me.... hei i don't want to be plastic.... just want to be real... this is me.... what can i do?.... i don't want to hide to people what i really do feel....
i still have so much time to think of stuffs.... (to think things out....) whatever!!!..... que sera sera....
Friday, October 3, 2008
.,guess what?... friends?....bestfriends?...
.,i never expected those lines.... we are just friends.... hahaha.... i never thought that that is what that person thinks of us.... well, i cannot do anything about that.... its that persons idea of our relationship.....
well its alright i already now have a new best friend...hahaha.... and it is officially declared i think yesterday?.... hahaha... i dont kno... it is just a joke... i think... hahaha...=0 what if ?.... ahhh.... they are playing jokes about it.... and i do not know if i am striked by their whimpy dimpy something on us.... well its just nothing... for her.... i am like that to any other girls.... well, thats what she thinks.... hahaha....=)
good luck.... BESTFREND!!!!!...... hahahaha...=)
well its alright i already now have a new best friend...hahaha.... and it is officially declared i think yesterday?.... hahaha... i dont kno... it is just a joke... i think... hahaha...=0 what if ?.... ahhh.... they are playing jokes about it.... and i do not know if i am striked by their whimpy dimpy something on us.... well its just nothing... for her.... i am like that to any other girls.... well, thats what she thinks.... hahaha....=)
good luck.... BESTFREND!!!!!...... hahahaha...=)
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
.,a new month, still old times....
.,maraming mga maling bagay na ako na ginawa na sa una ay inakala kong tama. Dumating ang ilang pagkakataon na napagtanto ko rin na mali nga ito. Lumipas ang isang araw, sumapit sa isang linggo, hindi ko mawari kung bakit, ngunit nagawa ko ulit ito. Sa ikalawang pagkakataon, nagkamali na naman ako... tila ba wala akong natutunan mula sa aking nakaraan... akala ko noon mahusay ako, perpekto, at walang kapantay. ngunit paulit-ulit na lang ba?.... hanggang saan ba ang hangganan?.... kailan matatapos ang pagdating ng kakulangan?.... hindi buoang katauhan, animo ako'y nadadarang.. walang makapantay sa bawat kong dahilan, walang makahadlang pagkat sila'y walang alam...
kilala ba ninyo ako? o sadyang nabubulagan lamang kayo?.... nabubulagan sa liwanag na nakatakip sa aking harapan... hindi lahat ng simula agad darating sa katapusan, hindi ko alam ngunit ako'y nahihirapan. ano bang nagaganap na hindi ko nalalaman, paulit-ulit dumarating, ngunit ang bunga'y ganoon pa rin. hindi nababago, walang mapagtanto... Sino ba ako?.... Isang tao, isang nilalang... mula saan?... hindi ko alam....
Isang parusa nga siguro kaya magulo ang buhay ko...
Ako'y hindi bulag ngunit wala akong makita. Kahit na isang sulyap sa daang tahak na. madilim ang lugar ngunit may katiting na liwanag, kumukurap, sumusulyap, unti-unti nababakas...
Bukas, oo bukas... sisikat na naman ang araw ngunti lumalamlam ang liwanag... ang hiwaga ng pagkatao walang kongkreto, hindi buo. patuloy akong naglalakad ngunit hindi makatapak, dumidiretso kahit walang naririnig... malapit na ako, nararamdaman ko, ngunit parang ang layo pa rin, oh sadyang lumalayo?....
ilang beses na rin na ako'y nadapa, ngunit patuloy pa rin sa maling ginagawa... lalakad, tatakbo, diretso- walang hinto... Magpapatuloy hanggat hindi nasusugatan sa pagkakadapa.... Saan ba ang posisyon ko?.... wala akong alam kahit ano....
Hindi alam hanggang kailan, paano, o hanggang saan?.... matatagpuan kaya ang tamang daan? oh maliligaw nang kung saan....
kilala ba ninyo ako? o sadyang nabubulagan lamang kayo?.... nabubulagan sa liwanag na nakatakip sa aking harapan... hindi lahat ng simula agad darating sa katapusan, hindi ko alam ngunit ako'y nahihirapan. ano bang nagaganap na hindi ko nalalaman, paulit-ulit dumarating, ngunit ang bunga'y ganoon pa rin. hindi nababago, walang mapagtanto... Sino ba ako?.... Isang tao, isang nilalang... mula saan?... hindi ko alam....
Isang parusa nga siguro kaya magulo ang buhay ko...
Ako'y hindi bulag ngunit wala akong makita. Kahit na isang sulyap sa daang tahak na. madilim ang lugar ngunit may katiting na liwanag, kumukurap, sumusulyap, unti-unti nababakas...
Bukas, oo bukas... sisikat na naman ang araw ngunti lumalamlam ang liwanag... ang hiwaga ng pagkatao walang kongkreto, hindi buo. patuloy akong naglalakad ngunit hindi makatapak, dumidiretso kahit walang naririnig... malapit na ako, nararamdaman ko, ngunit parang ang layo pa rin, oh sadyang lumalayo?....
ilang beses na rin na ako'y nadapa, ngunit patuloy pa rin sa maling ginagawa... lalakad, tatakbo, diretso- walang hinto... Magpapatuloy hanggat hindi nasusugatan sa pagkakadapa.... Saan ba ang posisyon ko?.... wala akong alam kahit ano....
Hindi alam hanggang kailan, paano, o hanggang saan?.... matatagpuan kaya ang tamang daan? oh maliligaw nang kung saan....
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