.,a christian catholic...

"Turn Away from Sin and Believe in the Holy Gospel..."

.,these words i have saved into my mind... after about four or six months time (i think...) i am able to go back at the catholic church just this afternoon for an Ash Wednesday Mass... the one i used to be at regularly every Sundays with my parents for seventeen(17) years or so...

my parents was raised in a pure blooded catholic family and are very loyal to the church ever since... they respect other religions who believes in the same God as ours but they are not open for influences, or other ideas coming from different religions...

i can say that i have grown and was raised as a God-fearing individual by my parents but was not exposed to other different sects of religions Christianity have... i actually pray only occasionally not every night when i was a child... yes, i was a catholic by name... i was made to believe that there is but one God but i was not aware that there are other religions, so many of them who proclaims the names of their own great Gods...

i was curious about how My God looks like when i was a child... i remember i was so afraid of looking at those statue 'saints' at the top of the altar... their eyes were fiery... i was like a coward soldier fighting in a battle running back to retreat when my eyes accidentally sees those wood carvings which are even larger than a life-size statue at times... and i have no idea those were just interpretations of the wide-scoped human imagination... it even reached a time when i was on high school i have thought of being a priest... although i have not got even a simple experience on serving the church... all i know is that i have already memorized what priests says when the mass is now at the part for the Holy Communion... to take the bread (which represents His body)and the wine (as His blood...) and at the part when we sing Our Father with a tune... holding hands and then letting go.... i wonder how my life would be like if i am (supposedly) studying in a seminary... i guess i would be better... and be talking of Bible Verses all the time...

I started reading the Bible when i was on third year... through the influence of a one good friend who is a Christian...
i just finished Genesis until i reached my college exploration... i met a group of Christian friends on which i was able to hear other sides of the 'Writings' clearly and more vividly... that was the time when i was made to believe that there really is a God... i think some people wouldn't believe it that i have made one of the biggest mistake others couldn't ever think of... that i have doubted that there really is a powerful and a very loving God living within every peoples lives... until i was proved to be wrong...

my eyes were opened to see the absence and/ or the deficits of my childhood religion... to cut the story short, i was previously introduced by my fellow classmates/friends to a God-loving student org... i was actively participating before until i laid low... one of my Christian friend organized a cell group who meets regularly for film showings, Bible learning's and the likes which is composed of students who wants to open their eyes to the knowledge the Lord wants them or us to gain or have.... we have made it travelling smoothly... from many... to four... to three... and then two plus Her... plus the Guy up watching us...

new semester... i was thinking of being converted as a Christian... a Born again Christian... i just thought that by doing so can mean a closer relationship with God because of their teachings and praising... and secondary... or maybe third follows- my passion for singing... (the worshiping part)...

I have attended my Christian Friend's Church... with another 'friend'... i can say that that was an "A" for effort cause we woke up early and travelled far just to attend church and hear the words of God...
not until i realized things.... things which bothered me... my mom doesn't want any members of our family to change our religion... "We were brought up as Catholics and we must stay the way we are...", that's her reason... and she wont agree with my reason that i am just getting or rather wanting a deeper relationship with the Lord and not changing my faith in Him... maybe she's just thinking i won't go with her and papa in the Catholic church when that thing happens...(when i get converted...)

my point is that, i have not chosen to be a catholic myself... that's what i was taught when i was growing... a part of their good upbringing for their loving children... but now i have my own lines of thinking i want to choose where i want to be... but i am afraid of ending up beheading far to my parents... i was covered with my fears... i got confused between two big choices... i cannot tell my Christian friend of this... and that it is one of the reasons i stopped attending our Bible studies... i have let people to control my mind... my decisions.... i was not able to let God completely have me as His servant... i was hesitating to decide for myself... and this is the battle for me i guess...

i don't know...i wasn't able to decide right there and then... my parents never knew that was a Christian Bible study i was attending... i was telling them before that i was to attend a certain school meeting or any other school matters just to be able to get to the BS in time... but there came a time when i realized... "Bible study yung inaatendan ko pero bago ako pumunta dun at pagkagaling ko dun nagsisinungaling naman ako sa magulang ko..." (i was attending the Bible study before but then there came a time when i realized i was attending the BS but i was lying
to my parents just before and after I've been there...) "naghu-hugas kamay ba 'ko?"... (am i cleansing off my own dirt?..) i was fooling myself... i became Christian in weeks by faith but eventually partly by name... no difference with when i was still a Catholic...

that just made me be praying regularly at night... before meals... and Reading the Bible... i have read up to Exodus and Leviticus in the Old testament and Matthew and John and some Corinthians in the New Testament... and that is the time when i got the verse of my life...

1 Corinthians 10:13
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it..."
('Wala pang pagsubok na dumating sa inyo na hindi dinanas ng lahat ng tao. Tapat ang Diyos at hindi niya ipahihintulot na kayo'y subukin ng higit sa inyong makakaya. Sa halip, pagdating ng pag subok ay bibigyan Niya kayo ng lakas upang mapagtagumpayan iyon...")

i hope i will be able to overcome this obstacle that have seized me... i know God is with me... I'll let Him lead my way and i will do no wrong... yes, i make lots of sins... being tempted... and becoming 'human'...

but then it is written... Matthew 21:22 "If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer..." i was once travelling the right road... i just took the long one and not went straight to the short cut... went into the darker road but was never lost... still He helped me with His hand and put me up when i was falling down....

beseech, be headed, be found...

"I'd rather choose to travel with You on Darkness than to walk Alone in a Lighted path..."



foot prints in the sand...