last and first...

.,i kept on asking myself if i have really convinced 'me' to stay on this situation or just hold back...

what's good about being a student nurse?... about failing to reach your aim?... about always struggling to get on track?...

i am just starting to travel the road which i have chosen. i don't know why i am here... i don't know what i am doing... i am facing every tomorrow with fear, anxious to do the things i don't really have no idea if i like (it)... i need to continue taking each and every step with people i know, like me, does not see the essence of being in this kind of situation right here, right now... having only a little empty heart for a caring and loving profession... a destiny waiting to be fulfilled, a vocation where there is no room for mistakes and errors...

honestly, idk if i still see a difference between schooling and studying... about exerting efforts and knowledge and by merely just going in and leaving out of the 'university' gate... i always wanted to feel or see even for some time a certain kind of flickering light... we can't always teach our hearts to be placed where it should be or rather where it wants to be... to feel this or that... compared to the one weighing above our heads...

i don't know if i am getting weak... losing strength psychologically, feeble physiologically, and frail spiritually... problems and struggles are undertaking me... i am slowly drawing out of my life...

change is a one thing that is constant in every person's life... and i will continue to undergo adjustments and some amendments for instances...

i wish i can do better... to have more rooms for improvements.... and much more for acceptance... if this is where i should be... if this is my destiny... if i can't manipulate where i want to be...

if wishes can only be dreams... and that dreams would only come true...

if and only if...