Wordless...

"Let thy words be few." - Ecclesiastes 5:2

., I just don't have any other choice... I cannot really accept the fact that "Things will not always go the way we want it" Today, I will be facing the same situation in this world of uncertainty... wherein CHANGE is the only constant thing.
Suddenly, an idea passed through my exasperated mind... I just realized what 'E' stands for... (right now) 'E' stands for Exile...

I know, time will come... not now, but sooner or a little later things will change... and its just between a single wall, it maybe better or on the other side, worst?... Of course I go with the former.
Just Expect the Unexpected...

"Just Live Alone in the Island of Nowhere..."

Namida (tears)...

"Fate, It can't be put in words..."

.,these are the lines which made me think... that people don't get contented with what they have right now... or the opposite, they can't easily accept what are those they don't wish for, yet it comes...
I watched it since day one... and up 'til then i was carried away... i really love watching inspirational true-to-life stories and this is the kind of story i won't be tired of watching, over and over again...

Aya is a 15-year old girl who was diagnosed to have a disease called Spinocerebellar Degeneration. Primarily, it affects the human brain functions; the movements/ locomotion abilities of an individual is significantly affected. Unfortunately, SCD has been sought to have no discovered cure over the years and so the individual who suffers from this kind of disease will forever take it as a burden. Thus, it is in other words 'incurable'.

There has never been any untouchable situations through out every episode. A total heavy drama. Aya lived her life battling against the disease for ten strong years. She managed to smile even if she's in pain, and tried not to show any signs of weakness in the face of other people. Aya is really a damsel full of strength. At the age of fifteen, this girl is unbelievably brave and courageous to continue fighting for her life until her last breath.

She said she have written her Diary to act as a proof that she is alive. That she is living and will forever live. This story have inspired me in so many different ways; To gain strength in times of trials and weakness, and to value the time and the people around me. That as much as Physical health is important, emotional balance and strength is as important as well, which can help us make our way through and accept our lives as what it is and what it may become.

What's wrong with falling down? We can always stand up anyway. We just need to 'Live On...' to live on forever...

every episode, i always felt like crying, but i always tried to hold it back (lots of times)... but for this last episode, i did not try to fight my tears from falling (or i can't just control it anymore)... its a good exercise for my dry lachrymal glands though...

I can't wait to see the next episode following that one which was presented last Friday and so i found my way through and until this final episode...

"If i don't write down the things in my heart right now, tomorrow... then i would forget it and disappear..."- the lines i got so touched with...

In the end, we can then find our place... A place where there will be no more tears... A place where everything is a treasure... Just a boxful of happiness...

"People shouldn't dwell on the past. It's enough to try your best in all that you are doing now...." -excerpts from the story (An English Translation)...

A Total Stranger...

" I have felt this feeling again,

An emotion I have had before...

A Total Stranger on my place,

A place I considered as home.

My psyche, it kept on wandering...

Searching for places to Live on..."

-Angelo (//-x)...

Awaiting...

"The sun slowly keeps on rising,

As my heart continues pounding;

Sooner, I can then stop thinking,

And I can now end this Awaiting..."

School, wait for me...

I'm coming...:)

White Noise...

"White noise deafens me... Screaming silently through my unconsciousness..."

., It was almost twelve midnight, i connected the earphone power input to my phone and tried to search for a 'sleepy melody' and to my disappointment, there was nothing but a plain white noise...

Suddenly, I remembered a scene I have watched on the television show KYLE XY while i am still laid on my back... when He(Kyle) was also searching for a good music to help him get some sleep via the radio. If i am not mistaken, he was at the tub during those times... in a cold bath tub where he, in an instant found himself being able to find a good sleep... Kyle was like a kid during those times... and that is when i started to like him... i mean his role on the said TV show...

Back to my story...

Unfortunately, there was no good music for me. All that i am hearing and searching for are plain white noises... I can't find a good music, nothing for a good night sleep...Bothered or maybe just thinking of certain matters... matters about me being 'roughly rude' at times... all of a sudden being very judgmental and so direct that i was not able to control my words at certain situations... I do not really know if i have changed... yes, the innocent I was already gone. He was already buried deep down a hollow dig. Do i need to feel sorry about me losing naiveté?... maybe not... I am still a human being and what makes a human being far different from other living creatures is his ability to think and rationalize... and of course deep, reasonable feelings...

Like most individuals, I commit certain errors and at times not being aware of those... I am just a faulty human being. Maybe i have changed the path i was previously taking... simply turned separate ways from what other people expected me to take... I do not feel any regrets about the decisions i have made and the things I've done anyway... I do feel a little flash of guilt sometimes... which i think, is 'probably' normal... But certain situations do not always offer us the need to apologize, say sorry or simply ask for forgiveness... A Sorry for me, have just been a simple 'routinized word'... Quite easy to say huh... but clings to my ears indifferent from those white noises...

I continued searching for a pleasing sound... just like how much determined I am to search for appropriate decisions to make upon knowing some bits and pieces concerning other people...
Just like kyle, I have not found those answers in a one full night...

White noise deafens me... Screaming silently through my unconsciousness... with heavy eyelids and a dysfunctional hypothalamus, I felt like those white noises are melodic lullabies slowly seeping through my dead brain... A Deadpan thinking about how other people sees me and maybe how to deal with the situation.

"I don't need to prove myself to anyone"...

maybe i just need to give my

Smart brain a good rest... and then just think of the details 'unannoyingly'...

till i wake up... that's when I might be able to THINK...

Paggunita... (Reminiscing...)

"...anumang dahon na nalalagas sa isang puno ay dahan-dahang magkakasibol na muli..."

hindi ko mawari kung ano ang pumasok sa aking isipan kung bakit nagawa ko ang bagay na ito... basta ang alam ko lang, masaya ako habang nakikita ang mga larawang nagpapanumbalik sa mga pinakamasasayang ala-ala habang kapiling ko ang aking mga 'tunay na kaibigan'...

alam ko, walang permanenteng bagay na nalikha para magtagal dito sa mundo... ngunit alam ko rin na mayroon namang mga bagay o mga pangyayari na nagaganap upang ipanumbalik muli sa atin kung ano man yung mga bagay na maaari nating makaligtaan...

sa loob ng humigit-kumulang dalawang taon, ang mga taong ito ang aking nakasama sa paglikha ng mga ala-ala... mga ala-alang nagbigay kasiyahan at ngiti sa aking mga labi, at lungkot at mga luha sa aking mga mata sa kani-kaniyang mga pagkakataon... walang tao na kayang mabuhay nang nag iisa... gaano man kasaya o kagulo ang mundong kanyang ginagalawan sa iba't ibang panahon at pagkakataon... kinakailangan pa rin niya ng makakaramay upang punan ang isang kulang na bahagi upang mabuo ang isang masayang ala-ala...

ngayon, matapos ang mga masasayang panahong ito... ang mga bagay ay dumarating sa kani-kanilang kahahantungan... laging nagkakaroon ng pagbabago... walang nananatiling permanente sa nilikhang mundo... ang bawat naumpisahan, dumarating sa katapusan... ngunit sa bawat katapusang ito, muling sumisibol ang isang panibagong simula... isang simula na patuloy muling iinog... isang simula na nanggaling sa nakaraan at unti-unting gumagawa ng daan patungo sa kasalukuyan... kasalukuyang magdurugtong sa atin patungo sa hinaharap...

maaaring matapos ang isang samahan... maaaring mawala sa isang iglap ang mga bagay na hindi natin inaasahan... oh sa isang iglap rin mabago ang lahat-lahat...

hindi na muling maibabalik ang nakaraan... mabubuhay na lamang ang tao sa kanyang kasalukuyan... ngunit sa isang mumunting paglingon, maaari nating balikan ang mga bagay kung nanaisin... hindi sa pamamagitan ng pagbalik sa nakaraan, ngunit sa pamamagitan ng pagbuo sa naghihintay na hinaharap...

sa mga taong naging bahagi ng aking masaya, magulo, at mahirap na buhay kolehiyo; sa aking mga kaibigan, sana'y dumating ang pagkakataon na sabay sabay nating marating ang rurok ng tagumpay... ang muling lumikha ng kasiya-siyang mga sandali... at ang pagdidikit muli ng mga napipilas na pira-pirasong papel...

mula sa mga kathang isip na pagnanais... hanggang sa pagsasakatuparan ng mga ito...
sa bawat buhos ng inumin, at sa pagtaas ng mga baso... sa pagbabato ng mga bote, at pagsisigawang walang halaga (cheap:)...

"sa paglipas ng panahon, ang mga nalilikhang sugat ay unti-unting maghihilom...

katumbas ng anumang dahon na nalalagas sa isang puno at dahan-dahang nagkakasibol na muli..."


-angelo...=)

zZzZzZzZzZ...(-.-)

.,haaaiiiizzzz... i wish i can still have a good night sleep or a good morning sleep rather....

just like what spongybob is doing...

good morning to me again...
just waiting for the light to come...

still disappointed...

haven't watch the concert... i'll just hear him sing in my dreams...
angel...

sweet dreams archie...:)

sweeter dreams to me...

After all, it's still friendship which counts...

.,winners never quit... and quitters never win...^_^

i am still in a very incomprehensible situation right now... i was buried deep down by my instructor last Monday... i am still sick up to now... (this started last week, i had fever, stomach aches, head aches, i was to break down this afternoon and then got really sick, i have never gotten enough sleep since last saturday; slept at two or three in the morning and wake up at 5 or 5:30 just to get to my first subject...) i never felt that good regarding school works... i am so tired of being a leader though i really have to be a good one... its not my choice nor do i want it to happen to me... what's with me?... does everybody really want me to die earlier than what is planned?... i definitely don't have a charm to lead others but i don't know if people really believes i can do things more than ordinary... or am i speaking for themselves for the refreshing sound of being me?...

i haven't got any idea how to cope with stress, stressful situations and depression... i was over fatigued... literally restless and unhappy of the situations...

though other people tries to bring my group down by doing something out of their 'conscience'... i believe... that the world will still keep on turning... and in that way, time will come... the sun will soon be shinning towards our place... and the the other brighter place will now be experiencing to live in the dark, though there's still the presence of the moonlight, it is still insufficient to brighten their wholly dark night... and i know, we can still make it up....

the stars will soon be kneeling down... we will rise up and slowly dig and pound rocks into ashes...

after all, it is still friendship which counts... and i am happy i have it...:)
thanks for all these people within my circle...
and the One on Top of it...

change is constant, in both positive and negative ways....