Telefonino Cellulare e eccetera (Cell Phones and Et cetera)

.,After all the trials and hardships, I am now revitalizing my revived self. Two weeks passed and I was a little afraid of not being able to celebrate my twenteenth birthday because of the not-so-good condition I've been into on the past few weeks, but after the long wait, I was still able to dig into making-out at the party last night.

I have had celebrated with friends my birthday bash/ Christmas party with a bang! Two days ago a package came, so timely with my late celebration. I have received gifts from my Loving Sister as I have wished for...

A brand new phone as a replacement to my pitiful, old, sentimental-value-filled phone (Nokia 6085). Life is Good!

LG KP500 Cookie

Paired with a brand new digital camera which I have included into my birthday/Christmas wish list.

Kodak Easy Share Digital Camera M320

 

9.2 Mega pixels with 6.9cm LCD

An old friend have also given me a brand new phone as a birthday present... and it was a big surprise. Now I know what to collect with my old 6085 still functional and my Nokia 5300's dull  presence- Cellular Phone Collection over my Spongebob Stuffs collectibles. 

Torque D2

Sharp black- colored, stripped with a yellow blank on the sides. All brand new. C:

I have received a set of Bench/ hankies and a blue-tinted, semi-body fit (wrong-sized medium) Bratt shirt in addition to the wonderful memories and treasurable moments with my dear friends.

With money set aside, I am very thankful for this new addition in my 19 or make it 20- years of existence.

*With our exchange gift, Spongebob Items floated over the belly bottom which I joyfully picked-up piece by piece.

*Photo taken from my pc's webcam with my 2-year old spongebob pillow on top. Thanks to my monita... C:

The world seems to be quite fair after all. Isn't it!?

-Merry Christmas in Advance everyone! Next up, my Wish List.

Love's to Blame (Lyrics)

Joel and Luke

Time in time I thought through it all

How we loved and loved

and how we fought each other

pushing one another to be somebody else.

And time in time I'm pressing my thoughts

uncertain if the end was right or wrong

 and whether we still should be together

or with somebody else.

A lost memory, 

She had water in her eyes

She cried stay with me...

asked how can this be love

if you are leaving me

but darling Love's to blame.

And i can't see you right now,

'cause my heart just can't take it...

can't be near you right now

cause i know you're no longer mine, 

I can't see you.

It makes me ache that we had to break

and even though I knew your heart so well 

we're strangers in different places 

though we're living mile apart.

My best friend's gone,

my world has been turned

We'll never share a name of her be wronged

But I will always remember

Years we've spent in Love.

I say I'll think of you 

I pray that you were safe

and say I'm missing you

but has to be this way cause I'm not right for you

and that's why Love's to blame..

And i can't see you right now,

'cause my heart just can't take it...

can't be near you right now

cause i know you're no longer mine, 

I can't see you.

And i can't see you right now,

'cause my heart just can't fake it...

can't be near you right now

cause i know you're no longer mine, 

I can't see you.

And I can't see you,

No i can't see you,

I just can't see you...

 Right now...

But may be time will heal our hearts, 

and may be after time you'll understand

I take the darker side of me.

And i can't see you right now

'cause my heart just can't take it.

Can't be near you right now..

cause i know you're no longer mine.

And I can't see you right now,

'cause my heart just can't take it.

Can't be near you right now

cause i know you're no longer mine...

And I can't see you

No i can't see you

I just can't see you.. Right now...

No i can't see you...

I just can't see you...

I just can't see you.. Right now...

and Love's to Blame...

I have discovered this song myself when I was watching a very popular movie at YouTube during my late high school years (I got tired of reading the subs, for the movie was a Thai Romantic Drama though it was very good) and it hit me like a throbbing needle. I tried to find then the lyrics of this heart-hitting song but to my surprise, what appeared were merely versions of some Steve Earle and none was written for this version of two great brothers.

For my convenience and also for other deathly Love song fanatics who wants to sing along; I tried to listen to the song over and over as I wrote down the words based on how exactly I heard them (so please bear with my eardrum).

Enjoy and play great music with me! :)

P.S.

-Heyp'pi Birthday to Somebody I know; who doesn't know even a single piece about me, or even feel my sole existence and see my meekest presence, my admiration- respect and reverence to You. Heyp'pi Birthday! :)

Revive, Resuscitate, and Recover...

There are almost a gazillion ideas and sexvigintillion thoughts running through my disbursed head. My frontal lobe can't actually process all the information and data at once, not now... not yet.

Who would have thought that I will be paying my debts as early as now with regards to the rewards or shall I say punishment I, myself am giving to my lean and gaunt physical body. I felt sick for the past few days (again), and take a note of it, that exactly was during my officially-out-of-the-teens-birth day. I didn't knew it would be this quick that I get to have the loose change. Months ago, during the second-half of the year, I felt like I was over my greatest capacity to bear or handle physical and psychological situations. I must have met my crisis with the unknown situations for I take stress as a hobby, its as if it was my favorite among life's delicacies.

I wanted to have a break now, a break from the cruel situations life is offering me or that's the way I see it now. I assumed so much responsibility, I guess more than I could have handled-possibly out of the lines. I am done with the old lifestyle once I get myself back on track- this is not a promise, its an order, an aim, a goal:  not a thing that I 'have' to do for my own self but rather one which I 'need to do/shall be doing' by now. I have made some pieces of my heart be shattered along the paths I take and in a place where it is quite hard to pick it all up again. Its gone in an instant. I am taking all of my time to breathe deeply, and as I take each oxygenation process, I frequently try to ask Someone 'why', but I never get to have new answers, for I throw the questions back to myself thereafter. 

We get to meet new people through each path we take but no one stays permanently (are you 'no one'?), some leaves and never returns, some stays for a while and then escapes the situation as soon as they get what they want and it throbs. I have never felt a single emotion with each particular moment of experience. It always do come in pairs, a package. For the nth time, I have had my consultation with a family physician and people frequently asks me about how well did the result go, I utter no words in response to their query for I believe it would be healthier if I consciously get to use silence and oftentimes suppression as a defense mechanism. Life is a game we play and its a little difficult to play fair. Thanks but no thanks for the unsolicited concerns.

I mention words which frequently hit my veins and in an instant, it pricks deep all the way through. I shall do the reviving on my own, and I need to revitalize I know. Along the process of changing, I shall resuscitate my breath... and in the counts for life I shall continue; wisdom is taking the place of the long before hidden part of my being. I am living yet slowly dying. I live to live and not to get lost- Easily.

-Photo taken from my old cp camera-

They say that the stars is nowhere to be found in the morning but they get to rise and shine brightly at night. The moon may be covered by the dark gray clouds but it still glows a ton of white light. We may be living life in the midst of struggles but what is good about the creatures here on earth is that they are capable of adapting with what is happening in the environment. 

Recover. After all these, I am wishing forth to regain what I have lost, to get something back on my sole possession, to get things well and then be better, amend for good.

“A DECADE OR TWO”

A composition I have made for a paper requirement at school goes like this...

In life, we cannot always be so certain about the paths we take and the roads we travel. We may go with the flow or oppose the forces of nature if we want to.

Four years ago, I was merely out of the interest in pursuing this course for I was thinking of not seeing myself doing the works of care for others, but as time went by in just an instant and through the moments of learning, wisdom and experience I have realized that half of my life now is revolving within and is on its way towards becoming a noble profession.

The first two years of my study were central to plain school works and imaginative creations of hospital works in my futile mind, then who would have thought that sooner or later I will be reaching the sweet fruits of my cultivated passion. I have felt the fervor within me to care for patients with hospital and community exposures in a meaningful worthwhile. I have had stood on my own pedestal and was able to help myself rise despite diverse existent shortcomings and hindrances as I lived life aiming forth to be successful in this chosen lea of mine.

The feelings of fulfillment laid in my circumscription stand as one of my motivations in continuing what I have started. There are so many stories to tell but learning to love what initially meant nothing for me felt like something so usual. Others may see me as a normal student or may perceive me as a typical one but to those people who know me personally, I may be one of the most outstanding, call it special or different in a unique manner.

No one can predict what one will be, even after a year from now… more so, a decade or two; all these are simply expectations and what we want ourselves to be in the near future. I have always had great results whatever my secondary choices were even during my high school years and until now, as I get nearer and closer towards reaching my baccalaureate diploma, I get to plan things in a wide range of spontaneity.

Two decades from now, with plans laid on hand, I see myself and hope for to be a successful professional in the pursuit of the good and for the betterment of my family and my personality/ self as a functional well-being; as of now I am thinking of widening my range of expertise. I want to explore things out of my baby box. I want to explore the world. Experience and study the cultures of the West, Asia and the Southern countries. I want to be one of the most successful nurses of my age. I want to uplift the morale of my Country beginning with my University. I want to develop further within me the heart of a Clinical Instructor with a Masters Degree in Nursing with my professors whom shall stand as my sole inspirations and exemplars. I want to experience, out of curiosity the works of a call center agent where people say nurses go after graduation or board exams simply to practice and employ my speech prowess just for a moment. I want to work in a well-known institution with only the best employees for quality patient care. I wish forth to finish culinary arts just to know a wide variety of cuisines not seeking of green pastures; I want to be the best that I can be out of the country. I want to give pride to our clan, to my family and of course to myself. I am looking forward towards experiencing only the best and the greatest in thy near future. I want to serve the Lord and my Country. I do not actually plan of having my own family or build a new one as soon as I am affirmably settled and have had established matters on every aspect of my being but rather I see myself as a successful individual and then am hoping forth to be one. What we expect to see in the time ahead are simply the reflections of what we wish forth ourselves to be. We can’t count on to anybody except to the One who is guiding us and who always sees us from above.

This Head Nursing experience gave me the wisdom and compassion not only with the patients but also with my colleagues. I was able to show and perform my leadership and managing skills, not only guiding to be followed but also learning to be dynamic as well at all times. Leading (or simply being able to lead), in addition to nursing as a caring profession could also be considered as a privilege. Modestly being able to assess the accomplishments within a limited span of time, I can easily say that I, together with my co-head nurses have been effective and efficient, smart and intellectual enough to serve as a guide to our subordinates and future colleagues.

I am living my life as it is now in the present time, with the wisdom of what the latter Mahatma Gandhi have quoted, “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” I am taking my time in constructing the doorways of what others call ‘destiny’ and what I call Life and Reality; and I believe, for whatever we do, in word or deed, we shall do all in the Name of Our Lord. I am setting the direction towards reaching my future, the way towards pressing the success key and then push on enter, the road towards love, the path towards happiness and everything else in between.

-The End-

Indolently Dynamic

"I feel unworthy of little certainties..."

These are the words I have just uttered which then kept running through my 'crestfallen' mind. I feel so undeserving of what I have right now; not because I don't feel I am worthy for it but its because I don't feel its worthy of me. I have always denied the topic of me about being perfectionist, having a Type 'A' personality, overachieving, competitive and a boastful individual (*oooppps... remove the last!) yet it undeniably shows/ reveals a part of me which I think is a little normal for a teen of my age (*defensive).

I was taking everything easy these past few weeks or months should i say and its because I have overestimated my abilities and knowledge about certain information and situations. I have gotten grades which I think I don't deserve this much, but what could I possibly do if these are the fruits of my bitterly bearing tree? I just have to pick them up, wash a little bit and accept the fact that this is what I am going to have this semester, a closely rotten crop. I always tell myself (*which I have never had put to action) that I can do much or more than what I can, but I also know that there is this something which tries to hold me back. I just think I should've paid deeper attention with what I do regret now. Its crazy how life plays its plans for us.

***
I have had my check up i think last Thursday or Friday.. because i felt it is so necessary to have one. I have had my second fever for the month that day before the check up and it felt like I was nearly dying because it is quite unusual for my 'gaunt' body to have such more than once in a month or in this certain period of time. I shall have the colds forever said the Doctor, unless I mange to find ways how to strengthen my body or my immune system directly. In short, work out or exercise! (things i hate doing the most... haha..) Honestly speaking, I don't like activities that require physical exertion or efforts... let us play mind games instead. "Hijo, pwede ka magtuloy sa Medisina kung gusto mo..", he uttered smilingly after i have told him my assessments towards myself. lol. I did laugh hard after... then he told me he's not kidding.

***
"Magaganda ang grades ng batang 'to ah... Running ka ba? (for Cumlaude)", said the enrolling officer while i was into the initial validation of grades for my enrollment. I felt flattered. but then, suddenly it felt a little sad... "Ai hindi po... hindi na po ako Dean's Lister...", I replied humbly... or should i say embarrassed? I know I could have done better. So here comes Mr. Regret again... bothering my futile mind.

***
A week before, I took a hold of the responsibility of being the class president again as I am and the positive feed-backs I have received were all overwhelming. It feels great that people do appreciate all the things you do for them... may it be a favor, a voluntary deed or whatever. Perhaps an exemplification of the qualities of a good leader- as it is stated (Encarta).

I just had this notion ringing.. like, how is it so possible that other people manage to see what my real knowledge and abilities are when I, myself think that all my efforts still lack a ton if I could just say. When is the right time to use the words- sufficient and lacking? Like when they are supposed to be used interchangeably?
I have had conversations with different types of people.. from different walks of life... some whom i have listened to, while others enter the right side and then leave the opposite. I guess I still don't have "strategies" (as a kid told me while playing PVZ) on how to control my life and the situations despite the recurrence of such more than once in this insane earthly living. I just play it the way (how) I know I can win over it. I am now officially on my Senior year... and the pressure is on me to get the diploma, pass the board then and get a contenting job (with good grades and set higher standards).

A friend always do remind me of not being so happy on a one-time basis, i mean like getting into the happiest-moment-feeling-forever... (happy-go-lucky, one-day millionaire) because I may not have something to be left for the next day or the following days. I can't explain the feeling. Life, oftentimes feels so untrue... and i don't wanna be in this the whole time. I don't wanna have another tomorrow.

I want a day to be forever. I don't want things to end. I want today t0 be the sole dream of my forever.

and I pray to the Father, to let me live in a history... feeling like this life is eternal with the happiness of knowing that I am in a place surrounded by people who does not merely believe in destiny but in the sanctity and Sovereignty of Faith, Trust and Love.


-Angelo... -_-


P.S.

I dropped by @youtube to check on some videos then i get to hit this vid of David and i just wanna share.. I just miss archie too so much... :D
and if you get to read this, yeah You.. Old Owl, *ewan ko sayo... hahaha...

Nightynight... Godspeed!

Permanent

.,I just wanna share this video of my second favorite David... na-LSS ako grabe... hahaha...

I can feel Cook's emotions overflowing and this is so Insane. Great song, great vocals... effortlessly perfect!




PERMANENT
David Cook

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
Even if I tell you I won't go away today

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent

I know he's living in hell every single day
And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place?
And when they say it's all touch and go
I wish I could make it go away but still you say

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent, I'm permanent...

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry...

Tears do glitter...

.,Its been a long while and I have not planned that I will have my come back this way...

I don't really get it when people say I've changed... a lot!... I guess I naively still don't know me.

It has been more than a month, and I always come to this point in time when I restart to realize that time is really just meant to fly. My best bud has arrived last 1st of February and now she's left... a bittersweet goodbye for me again I guess. I am not as hard as a rock or as stiff as a rod, nor as pliant as a bamboo but I know I have emotions inside of me and they just recur whenever I need them.

I think I have not extracted the best out of it... Regrets, why do they always get in our way the last? I don't know... I don't really know. Now, I feel the missing part of it and I don't know how I can adjust to this new, sad, and quiet environment again in my room. I feel it, yes I am alone. Again. I will be leaving this box today and it will be alright outside... but I don't know what awaits me when I get back.

No one will bother me when I am studying, no one will hit me with a pillow as i sleep soundly, no one will ask me sweet little favors about computer shortcuts and how to's... No one will stay with me awake till the next morning, no one will join me as I eat alone at the dinner table, no one will ask me to accompany her with her whereabouts. I am crying. I can't help but cry. I was so insensitive then that I have not paid attention on those simple happy moments. I should have made no regrets.

I know she' leaving because of me and I don't know if she feels its just fair for her to do these things for me. I can just talk to nobody about how I feel now. I hardly utter words.

Addio mi ammica. Arrivederci! Buon viaggio! A presto!

Memoirs...

"We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same." - Anne Frank

.,I have had a lot of stories running through my mind this past few weeks of blog-rest (shall I call it)... I just ran out of words I guess?...

I have come up into something I have not realized before or even gave a little attention with... I thought I have already known the ways of life; how it goes, its 'rights and wrongs', the ups and downs, even one's purpose and up to the time of a person's last deep breath... not until I have it right in my very eyes... In the weakest part of my body- my Heart.

12 days ago, our second day of duty at JPMH around 7:45 pm- has been the most critical hour of my hospital-life so far... I have never thought that I would be dealing with such situation ever in my wildest and most fearful nightmares... Yes, it was a nightmare. A nightmare which I have wished to be a gay dream but sorry for me, it was not. My Patient died. Simple as it may sound, but that four-letter word can change the walks of everything.

Hours before that incident, I have experienced a number of firsts for a semester and a fourth of hospital duty... When I have heard that I will be reassigned with the same patient at the Isolation Room, I have felt mixed emotions then... I thought it wouldn't be that difficult for me to make assessments, and that it would be easier for me to do charting and SOAPIEs (Its what I love doing the most, I am making a novel out of it). I also felt a little unhappy with it, knowing that for the second time, I am dealing with the difficult task of making Tatay be able to regain strength or maybe just feel a little better than he was the other day... My partner and I cleaned up the mess that Tatay have just made... Y'all know it. It was my first and I guess her first too, we have just communicated with our eyes and contacted each other with blinks and breathes... We have changed soiled Linens and diaper, and did TSB with TLC after(he's febrile that time). It was all my first.

After the dinner break and while we were having fun at the Nurse's Station which is just situated on the right side of the ISO and while our C.I. was discussing about something with corny jokes, my Patient's relative called our attention and said that Tatay was having a difficulty in breathing... we rushed into the room, Sir M taking the BP... 90/60, 60/palpatory... The unbelievable Doctor arrived walking in... Stethoscope here, here, here and one there...

"Wala na s'ya" (He's gone), the Resident 'Doctor' said emotionlessly.

Ate Barbara (Tatay's Daughter-in-law) lost control of herself and she have just cried... I was trying to hold back my tears... I don't know what to do... I walked into her and tapped her shoulders and her back.. that's all that I can do to show her how much I care... to empathize.
I was tasked to do Post Mortem Care then, I seem to be floating in the sea of nowhere when I was trying to get the towel from our Head Nurse. One stroke, I'm fine... Second stroke, I'll be Ok... This is what's running in my skeptic mind... I can't help it, I just cried... I saw droplets of tears falling from my weary eyes... tired of seeing people suffering from the hardships of life. I tried to close Tatay's eyes, it won't shut... I know he still wants to live.

"Tatay mag-iingat po kayo dun", those were the last words I whispered to his ears. I know he heard me... right?

I have just remembered, the night before we were talking (My group mates/Friends and I) while at the back of the hot Van while staring at the bright moon and the dark skies painted with glowing stars...

"Ry pag namatay ka tapos nabuhay ka ulit ano gusto mo maging?" (I have already forgotten her answer).

"Eah ikaw Ate Shee?", I asked them one by one... She replied, "Dagat. Eah ikaw Ava?"

"Gusto ko maging ulap... Langit", I uttered while looking up the beautiful night sky.

"Ang emo mo talaga Ava", that's Jobelle to me.

I always wanted to be the Heavens up above the sky... (Partly because its blue) but the real reason is that... the clouds have their own emotions with them... It travels everywhere... It 's never gone... They're always up there... Giving shade when there's so much light and gives way to light when the place is so dark... It rains when its feeling heavy and forms different shapes on its glory... :) I love it when it paints a rainbow and when the colors fade from red to orange and from violet to blue.... I love the Sunset-clouds; it marks the end of a wonderful day and I also love Sunrises- it means an awaiting great life ahead.

Life has changed a lot for me... I always see Tatay's eyes at night when I shut mine, I always remember his face when I sit to eat on the morning plate, I feel Tatay's warm skin when I am drying my body... I have just come into realization that this is what I am in to... this is what will I do, this is really an inevitable part of life, one of the hardest part of my Future Profession.

I don't want to experience or see another kind of Life and Death situation again, or do I still have to give all of me when caring for my patients and get so attached? I don't want to get hurt, but I know I won't feel I am happy when I don't know the difference of the two.

Life, Change, Death and Memories... For that day and that day only. Farewell Tatay! Take Care.

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy amidst the simple beauty of nature. -Anne Frank