.,i should have known better...

.,there are things which we don't have any control of... we may never know what will happen... or what might not... there are no certain stuffs... no particulars...
who knows when will somebody leave?... or what may happen to a certain individual... when will somebody change or how did he/she do that?...

what to do if a person never even tried to listen to an explanation... or if the other have not even tried to utter one... we can't expect anything from anyone... we are the ones responsible for ourselves... we cannot always depend onto someone... we are the "masters of our own self":)(lol)....

will you ever know why and how people change?... their characters... the way they talk... the way they treat someone... or just the way they barely look at you using their bold eyes... i have lots of 'diverse' questions... which is interrelated with one another... and i don't have any idea where to find the answers... stocked between stones... piled up...

who wants to initiate a conversation?... do you?... would you?... it was never easy to carry a heavy heart... maybe i don't have one right now.... but i know somebody who do...

i'm talking about relationships... and you know what?...

it's neither friendship... nor love...

and one more...

family....:(

.,a fast one...

.,hei... i can't believe it... i am a singer... hahaha... i can really sing... don't have a very great voice but i can say it is good enough... hahaha...

was that a total of ten songs?... i love the videoke now...

and i think the videoke and the songs loves me too... hahaha...

i have had a good line of playlist there...:)

but the sad part is, my cousins are leaving tomorrow at six with my tito and tita... i am going to miss those guys...

especially you BRIAN and oh also JV...
bon voyage dear cousins...

be back soon...
(so we can again have our no-sleep movie marathon and that tekken... the ketchup with mayo and hotdog and pandesal... and how can i forget that bitter iced tea...lols...:)

take care guys...
i'll miss surely miss yah...


-angelo...=)

.,christmas isn't over yet...

.,hmmm... what do i got here... i think christmas isn't over yet... everything was a delayed gratification... presents continuously arrives... and it is so cool... let me show you what i've got... and the first time ever in my whole 'boring' life that i have received such things...

first,

i got this louis vuitton wallet from my tita ninang who celebrated christmas back here in the philippines... (she lives in australia with her family...)

lol... i am so happy when i first saw this... my first best gift...


this is my old ugly phone(nokia 3530)... my sister bought me this for one thousand five hundred pesos only...second hand... and then i became the third one to handle it... that's when i was still third year high school...and then i used it up to college, second year-second semester...

until my new phone arrived the first week of january... made me jump off my feet... hahaha... atlast... my phone evolved(Sony Ericsson k600i model)... not that high tech. or super modern... or whatever you call it... but at least better than the previous one...i really love my sister because she loves too...(huh?...) thanks a lot Ate!...:)

i also got a whole lot of money last christmas... i did not even ask for it...they were voluntarily given...lol... thank God... but the sad thing about it is that, it did not even last for a week... i spent the money in just a matter of two or three days...i spend money like water... buy this... buy that.... treat her out... treat him out... it's like theres no tomorrow...

today, i got this shirt... a lacoste shirt... my mama said that my ninang gave the shirt to her 'coz she said that my good godmother waited for me last christmas but then i was not able to come...and sorry because the present was too late...
and i said that it is ok... as long as the gift is an expensive one...;) just a joke...lol...

i also got a Polo shirt from my 'tita ninang'... my first 'Polo' shirt...:)

but the best among all of these material things is this.. a whole lot of love... the most appreciated stuff above all... life is quite good to me... it's just that, sometimes i don't realize that it is...there are lots of things which i should be thankful of... and must learn to value the most... or else i shall find myself travelling through the roads of uncontentment and dissatisfaction.... gear up... be thankful, grateful, and appreciative...

-angelo...=)

p.s.
I am so happy right now...i passed our microbiology mid-term exam with a good grade... the first part of our RLE exam is quite fine... i am sure about most of my answers...but i am disappointed about the coverage of the exam... just half of what i've read.... i really need to be an academic scholar... i want to have excellent grades for me to qualify for the slot... how i wish that could happen... pray for me... i'll do good...;)

.,f*ck*n' sh**t...

.,i have been gone for more than a week and what is now happening in my world is a major distress...

an agony... i want to break away from it... but i can't...

cause I'm in a hard grip...

i wish to hide

but i am always in perception...

i tried to run,

but then i was captured...

my knees are getting weak... they cannot stand firm anymore...

i feel the pain...

i feel it is stinging... just slowly... it is slowly breaking in....

i have no idea how to endure these unending crunches...

i am yearning, crossing fingers...

losing hope...

withholding faith...

but no... i need to defend myself...

ain't no coward within me... (or at least i can say it...)

there are lots of uncertainties...

and that what makes life an unwished catastrophe...


>angel-o...=(

.,freezing...

.,it feels so cold... this is one of the coldest night I've ever had...it is pass five in the morning and i am patiently waiting for the sun to rise... just to lessen the cold and get more warmth...

the coldness makes my body shiver... my fingers are all numb... my body forced me to get up... i searched for my bonnet and a jacket... alas i found it... the cold feeling was lessened... my nail beds looks pale and my earlobes are cold...

ideas passed through my 'cold mind'... i wonder how the other people are doin' right now?.... are they also cold?... those less fortunate individuals living at the street, street corners and sidewalks... they only have a cold, lonely road to sleep into... i wonder if they even have with them even a simple grumpy jacket for protection... just to give them even a little warmth... pity those individuals who suffers from the unfair hands of our world...

and on one thought, i realized how lucky am i despite those difficulties laid before me... i am able to sleep in my own room, have a blanket to ease the coldness, joint forces with my jacket and a bonnet.. pillows to give me comfort... i am on my fetal position right now... I'm imagining it.... my legs bent, hugging my little spongebob pillow which is my most favorite among the five... i twist... then bend... finding the most comfortable position for me... turning... turning... i am pushing myself into the bed corners...

it is still cold... and yet i managed to get up now and do typing... how i wish for the sun to rise and shine now...

i need some heat... I'm longing for some warmth... anyone, wanna be my sun???....

.,sightlessly looking...

Yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision, but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

.,my first post for the year 2009... (look back...)

the year twenty-o-eight is a very significant year for me... that is why i can't help but smile whenever i think of those 'distinctive' times i have had since it started... it has been very fruitful and worthwhile... it's already more than three months since i started blogging and up to now, i think i am still having this feeling that i am in the atmosphere of a new world... coping and trying to stay on track...

life has always been a long way voyage... a journey to search for things... a flight to nowhere... there were times when we meet some one to travel with us which is a good thing for it has been said for the countless times that 'no man is an island...,' but then there were also times when we sail our own way forth... through smooth and bumpy roads or shall that be seas rather...

the shifting of the year is a very remarkable one for me... especially the last day of 2008... i can't explain further... but the most important thing about that is that i am happy and i am grateful and satisfied... too many first times experienced...and a lot of new things explored... it is really unexplainable this feeling i am having right now... one time i am happy, next time i am mourning, and then delightful..=) overflowing emotions... or mood swings i guess... I'm not fond of making resolutions and then breaking it all at once... maybe i lack self discipline or it is just that they are really made to be broken...=) lols...

i have no idea what to expect this year... all i know is that i want to make this year as memorable, as unforgettable and as much more striking as twenty-o-eight... or better i guess...=)

how i wish last year would not have ended... but we gotta move forward... take a new step towards future... oh i attended the catholic mass at 7:30 or eight... I'm not sure of the time (don't have a watch.. ) and in the homily, the priest said that we must not live life thinking of what is it gonna be in the future but to look back at the past and take every bit of it as a lesson learned and be a source of strength... a thing we can use for the present... a part of it i still remember, "paano natin tatarukin ang hinaharap kung hindi natin kayang balikan ang nakalipas?...", he said...

my own version of the one on uppermost...
" yesterday is but a dream , tomorrow is but a vision and today is the beginning of the continuation of yesterday and the start of a new tomorrow..."
(silly...=)

yours,
- angel-o...=)

p.s.

i have been reading the diary of anne frank for three weeks now and this is a really nice book... i am on her last three entries today... i thought i could finish reading it last night but there are unexpected incidents we sometimes don't expect to happen... (that is why it is unexpected right?...=) superfluous!!!... lol...
and i am thinking to give you something to be called to... not just a blog... or an online diary...
what about bob??... waaaahhhhh... forget it... till next time...=)


" i can shake off everything if i write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn."

.,namimighating damdamin....

"The world will still keep on turning without me; what is going to happen will happen, and anyway it's no good to resist..."

.,sa pagkakataong ito muli akong susulat gamit ang wikang aking nakalakhan.... napakabigat ng aking damdamin.... natatakot akong baka hindi ko ito makayanang dalhin... hindi ko alam kung pang ilang araw na ito.... bumubugso.... bumabaon.... unti-unti, lumalamon...

dumating na ang bangkay ni kuya dong kahapon ng umaga... naroroon ako, ang aking ama at ang aking ina... nasaksihan ko kung gaano kahirap....kung gaano kasakit ang mawalan ng mahal sa buhay.... rumaragasa ang bugso ng damdamin.... lahat ay naluha... naiyak... humagulgol... napakasakit... nangilid ang aking mga luha... kinagat ko ang aking natutuyong mga labi (dahil sa lamig) upang pigilan ang aking mga mata na ituloy ang pag patak ng mumunting mga luha.... tumalikod ako sandali... patuloy sila sa pag iyak... ramdam ko ang kanilang pagdadalamhati... hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko... namamanhid ang aking katawan....

binuksan ang kabaong upang ilagay ang salamin sa ibabaw nito... lalong lumakas ang iyakan... hindi ko makayanan... lumabas akong pasumandali.... at sa mga ulap ibinaling ang aking atensyon... alas otso ng umaga... bago pa ang sikat ng araw... kakaunti ang ulap... malungkot...
puro kalungkutan... bangungot... gusto ko nang magising....

nasasaktan ako para sa kanila... kanina nagpunta sa bahay si ate gemma... alas otso y medya ng umaga... muli at muli kanyang sinambit sa akin, "alam mo michael masuwerte ka marami kang kapatid... ako, kaisa-isang kapatid ko na lang kinuha pa sa akin... (nakikita ko ang mga nangingilid na luha sa mga mata nya...) pag tinititigan ko yung kapatid ko hindi ko mapigilang umiyak...(papatak na ang luha...) nasasaktan ako pag naiisip kong wala na sya... na wala na 'kong kapatid... kung wala lang akong asawa at mga anak siguro maiisip ko sumama na lang ako sa kanya... kasi malulungkot lang ako alam ko malungkot din sya dun mag isa lang din sya... (tumulo ang mga luha... nangingilid ang mga luha ko.... pinigil kong muli ang sarili ko sa ikalawang pagkakataon...) ramdam ko ang dinadala nyang pighati... ganoon siguro talaga kasakit... ngunit hindi ko mahinuha kung mas gaano pa kasakit para sa kanya...

bago siya umalis sinabi nya muli sa akin.... "kaya ikaw masuwerte ka.... hindi ka nag-iisa.... marami kang kapatid...." paulit-ulit... hindi lamang isa o dalawang beses... narinig kong muli mula sa kanyang mga labi... siguro nga sobrang sakit... ako?... hindi ko nararamdaman na tatlo pa ang kapatid ko... parang minsan isa lang... ewan ko... siguro may kulang... may puwang... may pagitan... alam ko may dahilan kung bakit paulit- ulit nyang binabanggit... kung bakit paulit-ulit ko iyong naririnig...

siguro para pahalagahan ko yung kung ano ang meron ako ngayon, kung ano yung mga bagay na minsan hindi ko nabibigyan ng pansin kahit nandyan na...para matutunan kong mahalin lahat ng "mahahalagang" tao sa buhay ko... bago pa mahuli ang lahat... oh matapos ng hindi ko inaasahan... sana nga.. sa mga susunod na panahon siguro dapat isulat ko naman kung sino ako... kung sino yung mga tao sa paligid ko... yung mga taong kailangan kong bigyan ng higit pang pansin at pagpapahalaga... para hindi lang umiikot sa mundo ko yung buhay ko... para makilala ko pa yung sarili ko...



"Alone i had to face the difficult task of changing myself, to stop the everlasting reproaches, which were so oppressive and which reduced me to such terrible despondency..."

.,hope i will be happy....

.,i have an 'appointment' later at four... and i don't know what to expect... this was already planned about less than a month ago... we were texting at twelve midnight (that was five hours ago or so...) and we're talking on our little concerns...

angel-o: hapi bday!...=)

bestfrend: yehey! salamat!

a-o: bakit ka nag yehey!?..

bf: wala lang kasi bday ko na...

.........(thinking not replying...)...........

bf: punta ka sa'min bukas, u lyk?

a-o: ndi mo ba ko ililibre mamaya?..

bf: san m ba gusto?...

.........(lol.. this is one of the first time that you asked me/ you volunteered to treat me out...)........

a-o: sabi mo red ribbon... 4got that?

bf: ndi q un nkklimutan.. wat tym m gus2?...

a-o: hapon na lng.... kaw wat tym?.... kw manlilibre eah...=)

bf: 4?

..........(nice reply... lazy bob!...).........

a-o: ok gueh.. kita na lng tau dun sa may ....?.... gueh na antok na ko.... hapi bday ulit...

bf: oki.. slmat...

.........(then shut my eyelids down...)......

this is a very special day not because it's bf's birthday (alright, partly...) but because it's my parents 27th year anniversary today.... can you just imagine how long they've been together now... i am proud of my parents... they reached quite a long distance... won all the battles laid and passed through the obstacles testing their relationship.... soon i will be writing about my roots... for you to know be better than best.... write down all the clear details from my mind...
mama and papa went to church... (they always do that every year....) i suppose the mass is now over and they are already eating out on that certain restaurant....(they always celebrate their anniversary there.... and they just hand me a meal they took out...) of course that's their time to spend together.... and i will not bother to interrupt the bursting flame between the two of them...

oh i almost forgot.... it is also the birthday of my papa's bestfriend in las pinas... (a coincidence?...) lol... thinking of it always makes me beam... it's my 'bestfriend' and my father's 'bestfriend's birthday....huh?...

i don't know what's the best thing to give to 'bestfrend' later... i have no idea... i know bf wants a guitar but huh.... (can't afford it this time.... i have something to buy for myself.... lol...)selfish!!!....

:to mama & papa,
may the both of you have a very wonderful day not only today but as much as always.. thousands of twenty seven years more... and a whole lot of love, hope, faith and blessings.... i love you both... so much...=) and always will.... forever...

:to tito rolly,
happy happy birthday!!.... you are one of my dad's best buddy... hope you'll soon get over with your diabetes.... continue taking your medicines.... don't get tired so much... thanks for all your help... i can pay you back at some time... wish we can go back at kr's...(kenny r's) i miss the chicken... and all those pasta stuffs... (of course your treat...=) looking forward to see you soon...
we miss you...=) take care.... Godspeed...

:it's your time....
wish you'll be happy... stay who you are... the being i know... i don't need to say much... i don't wanna sound good... lol.... just see things i am doing and show you care... to my best buddy.... happy birthday...=)

yours,
- angel-o...=)