.,a christian catholic...

"Turn Away from Sin and Believe in the Holy Gospel..."

.,these words i have saved into my mind... after about four or six months time (i think...) i am able to go back at the catholic church just this afternoon for an Ash Wednesday Mass... the one i used to be at regularly every Sundays with my parents for seventeen(17) years or so...

my parents was raised in a pure blooded catholic family and are very loyal to the church ever since... they respect other religions who believes in the same God as ours but they are not open for influences, or other ideas coming from different religions...

i can say that i have grown and was raised as a God-fearing individual by my parents but was not exposed to other different sects of religions Christianity have... i actually pray only occasionally not every night when i was a child... yes, i was a catholic by name... i was made to believe that there is but one God but i was not aware that there are other religions, so many of them who proclaims the names of their own great Gods...

i was curious about how My God looks like when i was a child... i remember i was so afraid of looking at those statue 'saints' at the top of the altar... their eyes were fiery... i was like a coward soldier fighting in a battle running back to retreat when my eyes accidentally sees those wood carvings which are even larger than a life-size statue at times... and i have no idea those were just interpretations of the wide-scoped human imagination... it even reached a time when i was on high school i have thought of being a priest... although i have not got even a simple experience on serving the church... all i know is that i have already memorized what priests says when the mass is now at the part for the Holy Communion... to take the bread (which represents His body)and the wine (as His blood...) and at the part when we sing Our Father with a tune... holding hands and then letting go.... i wonder how my life would be like if i am (supposedly) studying in a seminary... i guess i would be better... and be talking of Bible Verses all the time...

I started reading the Bible when i was on third year... through the influence of a one good friend who is a Christian...
i just finished Genesis until i reached my college exploration... i met a group of Christian friends on which i was able to hear other sides of the 'Writings' clearly and more vividly... that was the time when i was made to believe that there really is a God... i think some people wouldn't believe it that i have made one of the biggest mistake others couldn't ever think of... that i have doubted that there really is a powerful and a very loving God living within every peoples lives... until i was proved to be wrong...

my eyes were opened to see the absence and/ or the deficits of my childhood religion... to cut the story short, i was previously introduced by my fellow classmates/friends to a God-loving student org... i was actively participating before until i laid low... one of my Christian friend organized a cell group who meets regularly for film showings, Bible learning's and the likes which is composed of students who wants to open their eyes to the knowledge the Lord wants them or us to gain or have.... we have made it travelling smoothly... from many... to four... to three... and then two plus Her... plus the Guy up watching us...

new semester... i was thinking of being converted as a Christian... a Born again Christian... i just thought that by doing so can mean a closer relationship with God because of their teachings and praising... and secondary... or maybe third follows- my passion for singing... (the worshiping part)...

I have attended my Christian Friend's Church... with another 'friend'... i can say that that was an "A" for effort cause we woke up early and travelled far just to attend church and hear the words of God...
not until i realized things.... things which bothered me... my mom doesn't want any members of our family to change our religion... "We were brought up as Catholics and we must stay the way we are...", that's her reason... and she wont agree with my reason that i am just getting or rather wanting a deeper relationship with the Lord and not changing my faith in Him... maybe she's just thinking i won't go with her and papa in the Catholic church when that thing happens...(when i get converted...)

my point is that, i have not chosen to be a catholic myself... that's what i was taught when i was growing... a part of their good upbringing for their loving children... but now i have my own lines of thinking i want to choose where i want to be... but i am afraid of ending up beheading far to my parents... i was covered with my fears... i got confused between two big choices... i cannot tell my Christian friend of this... and that it is one of the reasons i stopped attending our Bible studies... i have let people to control my mind... my decisions.... i was not able to let God completely have me as His servant... i was hesitating to decide for myself... and this is the battle for me i guess...

i don't know...i wasn't able to decide right there and then... my parents never knew that was a Christian Bible study i was attending... i was telling them before that i was to attend a certain school meeting or any other school matters just to be able to get to the BS in time... but there came a time when i realized... "Bible study yung inaatendan ko pero bago ako pumunta dun at pagkagaling ko dun nagsisinungaling naman ako sa magulang ko..." (i was attending the Bible study before but then there came a time when i realized i was attending the BS but i was lying
to my parents just before and after I've been there...) "naghu-hugas kamay ba 'ko?"... (am i cleansing off my own dirt?..) i was fooling myself... i became Christian in weeks by faith but eventually partly by name... no difference with when i was still a Catholic...

that just made me be praying regularly at night... before meals... and Reading the Bible... i have read up to Exodus and Leviticus in the Old testament and Matthew and John and some Corinthians in the New Testament... and that is the time when i got the verse of my life...

1 Corinthians 10:13
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it..."
('Wala pang pagsubok na dumating sa inyo na hindi dinanas ng lahat ng tao. Tapat ang Diyos at hindi niya ipahihintulot na kayo'y subukin ng higit sa inyong makakaya. Sa halip, pagdating ng pag subok ay bibigyan Niya kayo ng lakas upang mapagtagumpayan iyon...")

i hope i will be able to overcome this obstacle that have seized me... i know God is with me... I'll let Him lead my way and i will do no wrong... yes, i make lots of sins... being tempted... and becoming 'human'...

but then it is written... Matthew 21:22 "If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer..." i was once travelling the right road... i just took the long one and not went straight to the short cut... went into the darker road but was never lost... still He helped me with His hand and put me up when i was falling down....

beseech, be headed, be found...

"I'd rather choose to travel with You on Darkness than to walk Alone in a Lighted path..."



foot prints in the sand...

.,have i gotten into it too much?...

.,Horoscopes...- astrological forecast: an astrologer's description of the personality and future of a person based on the position of the planets in relation to the sign of the zodiac under which the person was born...
(Microsoft® Encarta® 2008. © 1993-2007 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.)

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

The Bottom Line
Try to connect with people instead of avoiding them. You need to get more social.

In Detail
You might not have realized it, but you have been pulling back from the people around you for a while now. Today, you need to try to connect instead of avoid if you want to maintain some important relationships. You relate well to other people when you put yourself in the role of listener -- so you should get yourself involved in group events and conversations. When you hear something that sparks your emotions, pipe up. Add your two cents and everyone will win.


-i am not that interested on horoscope topics... i read it sometimes only on newspaper columns...
i don't know what had pushed me to view my horoscope on friendster... maybe just out of my curiosity... well,i know it won't cost any trouble to me...

i first thought of reading just the bottom line but i felt it is some kind of incomplete if i would not read all the words in detail...

let me talk about the bottom line first... so this is the main point... and the first line made a strike on me... "hey how'd you know my situation?... you really nailed it..." this i have just said to myself... i think everyone in the class knows what's happening within the block... i have not gotten so much with some of my so-called 'friends'... i don't know if the problem is on me or if it's into them... we always say this, "thank God we're in a Democratic country." and now i am saying it...

i can't be just like a numb something when i know to myself and that there really is an array of incongruity happening within the group... i have been sited for a while now.... and now i am standing up... (I'll sit again when i get tired...:)

i think the problem is within both parties but i think the greatest deceitfulness is merely from the individuals who made separate ways themselves... "change is one of the most constant thing in the perspective of becoming a human being." but i don't really get it... are they blinded by the glittering light they see right now?... or are they really just patsies?... a victim of some worldly cravings on which one can't get enough of that they even managed to have them by using other people or rather allowing some individuals to use them... if i am to recall, these individuals i am pertaining to are one of the 'unimpaired' ones who were (if i am correct) against the attitude of the persons they are with right now... i don't know how easily did they forget the words of rebuff they have said in the past...

"you have been pulling back from the people around you for a while now. Today, you need to try to connect instead of avoid if you want to maintain some important relationships."

these are the lines which caught me in one way or another...

if i need to slap those words on their faces just to show to them how much they have changed since then...i will be willing to do that... with all my mighty heart...
it's hard to face the problem if the problem is your face....(no just kidding...) it is if the problem is within you... coz' it is about a hundred less .01 percent difficult to see it and face it...
for an instance, will you know that microorganisms are becoming parasitos when they are within your body?... of course you wont... coz you don't see it... unless you use some microscopes or tiny lenses of magnifiers for viewing it...
but that's now a different kettle of fish... back to the topic...

never on my wildest and most unfathomable dreams did i ever imagine these things will happen... and what's more conspicuous is that the individuals who was touched by the epidemic are those whom you have thought on the first place as persons with their own lines of thinking, an influx of the ability to think and learn... with a proper mind i guess... but now they are making wrong impressions out of themselves...

who, on the first place would love to be with a 'becoming totally parasite person'?... i guess none... unless they are parasitos too... if you are a sensible human being, i guess you have the ability to think of what is right and what are those we can consider incorrect... to distinguish between the old you and the one you are on the present... i am saying these words just because of my concern...

i want you guys , your stomachs to heave and expel in your very front the words you all have said against the individuals you now consider as 'lawful friends'...
to realize how much you all have changed... from the way you talk, the way your eyes meet 'our' friends eyes... how on every mounting situation you feel the lack of or the need for people whom in reality you have been with but then they apparently disappeared...

don't mock me with your faces... nor fake each and every smile you give every time we are having chances to be together... i am not bitter, hostile, nor being cold... i just want you to realize and see how much each part of you have changed... drastically... i am not wanting you to be back... but at least now i tried...

"All the world's a stage... and we're the writers of our own actions..."


-angelo...:(


p.s.

i miss my 'old friends'... the ones i have known...

but change is constant...


i don't know if i can still follow...

.,jealousy...=)

"Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind. "
.,what a word?.... does this mean anything?.... hai... i wish i am never the one i am right now.... hahahaha.....=) kidding... i don't know but i am getting jealous of somethings.... about things that i have never felt before... all the in the world is a plain vagabond... they just travel by and by.... i do not know what had caused me to feel this way... on the first place i have nothing to hold on to... to prove to anyone anything... Huh?.... got that?.... hahaha... yes i feel jealous... but not so much... i am not in a relationship where in i do have a great access... yah know it... well, this is what i feel and i am a human being... this is just normal right?.... well just do not cross the line.... hahaha.... i get jealous but i do not really know why.... does it mean that i am really loving or what?.... i do not trust myself... i think that's it...? i have so many things to do and yet i am thinking of unworthy things.... of selfless feelings.... right?....

mood swings... these are the ones i am having.... i do not know how to control this.... i am holding me... i must know how.... there are a lot of things that happened during these past few days.... i do not know if those are really meant to happen but i believe that we have surpassed all of those.... today is a new day.... i am thinking to give her up.... or to stay.... hei.... i won't.... we still have a long way to go.... and where ever the wind goes i will follow.... i will not give up.... i will fight and try to get rid of this thing that is within me right now.... this damn thing... that makes my world sink.... hahaha...=) i seem to be happy but i am not..... sometimes i show what i feel to those who are affecting me.... hei i don't want to be plastic.... just want to be real... this is me.... what can i do?.... i don't want to hide to people what i really do feel....
i still have so much time to think of stuffs.... (to think things out....) whatever!!!..... que sera sera....