Live Like an Angel-o.

Telefonino Cellulare e eccetera (Cell Phones and Et cetera)

2010-12-15T19:54:00.003+08:00

.,After all the trials and hardships, I am now revitalizing my revived self. Two weeks passed and I was a little afraid of not being able to celebrate my twenteenth birthday because of the not-so-good condition I've been into on the past few weeks, but after the long wait, I was still able to dig into making-out at the party last night.

I have had celebrated with friends my birthday bash/ Christmas party with a bang! Two days ago a package came, so timely with my late celebration. I have received gifts from my Loving Sister as I have wished for...

A brand new phone as a replacement to my pitiful, old, sentimental-value-filled phone (Nokia 6085). Life is Good!

LG KP500 Cookie

Paired with a brand new digital camera which I have included into my birthday/Christmas wish list.

Kodak Easy Share Digital Camera M320

9.2 Mega pixels with 6.9cm LCD

An old friend have also given me a brand new phone as a birthday present... and it was a big surprise. Now I know what to collect with my old 6085 still functional and my Nokia 5300's dull presence- Cellular Phone Collection over my Spongebob Stuffs collectibles.

Torque D2

Sharp black- colored, stripped with a yellow blank on the sides. All brand new. C:

I have received a set of Bench/ hankies and a blue-tinted, semi-body fit (wrong-sized medium) Bratt shirt in addition to the wonderful memories and treasurable moments with my dear friends.

With money set aside, I am very thankful for this new addition in my 19 or make it 20- years of existence.

*With our exchange gift, Spongebob Items floated over the belly bottom which I joyfully picked-up piece by piece.

*Photo taken from my pc's webcam with my 2-year old spongebob pillow on top. Thanks to my monita... C:

The world seems to be quite fair after all. Isn't it!?

-Merry Christmas in Advance everyone! Next up, my Wish List.

Love's to Blame (Lyrics)

2010-12-06T20:07:00.004+08:00

Joel and Luke

Time in time I thought through it all

How we loved and loved

and how we fought each other

pushing one another to be somebody else.

And time in time I'm pressing my thoughts

uncertain if the end was right or wrong

and whether we still should be together

or with somebody else.

A lost memory,

She had water in her eyes

She cried stay with me...

asked how can this be love

if you are leaving me

but darling Love's to blame.

And i can't see you right now,

'cause my heart just can't take it...

can't be near you right now

cause i know you're no longer mine,

I can't see you.

It makes me ache that we had to break

and even though I knew your heart so well

we're strangers in different places

though we're living mile apart.

My best friend's gone,

my world has been turned

We'll never share a name of her be wronged

But I will always remember

Years we've spent in Love.

I say I'll think of you

I pray that you were safe

and say I'm missing you

but has to be this way cause I'm not right for you

and that's why Love's to blame..

And i can't see you right now,

'cause my heart just can't take it...

can't be near you right now

cause i know you're no longer mine,

I can't see you.

And i can't see you right now,

'cause my heart just can't fake it...

can't be near you right now

cause i know you're no longer mine,

I can't see you.

And I can't see you,

No i can't see you,

I just can't see you...

Right now...

But may be time will heal our hearts,

and may be after time you'll understand

I take the darker side of me.

And i can't see you right now

'cause my heart just can't take it.

Can't be near you right now..

cause i know you're no longer mine.

And I can't see you right now,

'cause my heart just can't take it.

Can't be near you right now

cause i know you're no longer mine...

And I can't see you

No i can't see you

I just can't see you.. Right now...

No i can't see you...

I just can't see you...

I just can't see you.. Right now...

and Love's to Blame...

I have discovered this song myself when I was watching a very popular movie at YouTube during my late high school years (I got tired of reading the subs, for the movie was a Thai Romantic Drama though it was very good) and it hit me like a throbbing needle. I tried to find then the lyrics of this heart-hitting song but to my surprise, what appeared were merely versions of some Steve Earle and none was written for this version of two great brothers.

For my convenience and also for other deathly Love song fanatics who wants to sing along; I tried to listen to the song over and over as I wrote down the words based on how exactly I heard them (so please bear with my eardrum).

Enjoy and play great music with me! :)

P.S.

-Heyp'pi Birthday to Somebody I know; who doesn't know even a single piece about me, or even feel my sole existence and see my meekest presence, my admiration- respect and reverence to You. Heyp'pi Birthday! :)

Revive, Resuscitate, and Recover...

2010-11-30T21:37:00.009+08:00

There are almost a gazillion ideas and sexvigintillion thoughts running through my disbursed head. My frontal lobe can't actually process all the information and data at once, not now... not yet.

Who would have thought that I will be paying my debts as early as now with regards to the rewards or shall I say punishment I, myself am giving to my lean and gaunt physical body. I felt sick for the past few days (again), and take a note of it, that exactly was during my officially-out-of-the-teens-birth day. I didn't knew it would be this quick that I get to have the loose change. Months ago, during the second-half of the year, I felt like I was over my greatest capacity to bear or handle physical and psychological situations. I must have met my crisis with the unknown situations for I take stress as a hobby, its as if it was my favorite among life's delicacies.

I wanted to have a break now, a break from the cruel situations life is offering me or that's the way I see it now. I assumed so much responsibility, I guess more than I could have handled-possibly out of the lines. I am done with the old lifestyle once I get myself back on track- this is not a promise, its an order, an aim, a goal: not a thing that I 'have' to do for my own self but rather one which I 'need to do/shall be doing' by now. I have made some pieces of my heart be shattered along the paths I take and in a place where it is quite hard to pick it all up again. Its gone in an instant. I am taking all of my time to breathe deeply, and as I take each oxygenation process, I frequently try to ask Someone 'why', but I never get to have new answers, for I throw the questions back to myself thereafter.

We get to meet new people through each path we take but no one stays permanently (are you 'no one'?), some leaves and never returns, some stays for a while and then escapes the situation as soon as they get what they want and it throbs. I have never felt a single emotion with each particular moment of experience. It always do come in pairs, a package. For the nth time, I have had my consultation with a family physician and people frequently asks me about how well did the result go, I utter no words in response to their query for I believe it would be healthier if I consciously get to use silence and oftentimes suppression as a defense mechanism. Life is a game we play and its a little difficult to play fair. Thanks but no thanks for the unsolicited concerns.

I mention words which frequently hit my veins and in an instant, it pricks deep all the way through. I shall do the reviving on my own, and I need to revitalize I know. Along the process of changing, I shall resuscitate my breath... and in the counts for life I shall continue; wisdom is taking the place of the long before hidden part of my being. I am living yet slowly dying. I live to live and not to get lost- Easily.

-Photo taken from my old cp camera-

They say that the stars is nowhere to be found in the morning but they get to rise and shine brightly at night. The moon may be covered by the dark gray clouds but it still glows a ton of white light. We may be living life in the midst of struggles but what is good about the creatures here on earth is that they are capable of adapting with what is happening in the environment.

Recover. After all these, I am wishing forth to regain what I have lost, to get something back on my sole possession, to get things well and then be better, amend for good.

“A DECADE OR TWO”

2010-11-29T20:30:00.003+08:00

A composition I have made for a paper requirement at school goes like this...

In life, we cannot always be so certain about the paths we take and the roads we travel. We may go with the flow or oppose the forces of nature if we want to.

Four years ago, I was merely out of the interest in pursuing this course for I was thinking of not seeing myself doing the works of care for others, but as time went by in just an instant and through the moments of learning, wisdom and experience I have realized that half of my life now is revolving within and is on its way towards becoming a noble profession.

The first two years of my study were central to plain school works and imaginative creations of hospital works in my futile mind, then who would have thought that sooner or later I will be reaching the sweet fruits of my cultivated passion. I have felt the fervor within me to care for patients with hospital and community exposures in a meaningful worthwhile. I have had stood on my own pedestal and was able to help myself rise despite diverse existent shortcomings and hindrances as I lived life aiming forth to be successful in this chosen lea of mine.

The feelings of fulfillment laid in my circumscription stand as one of my motivations in continuing what I have started. There are so many stories to tell but learning to love what initially meant nothing for me felt like something so usual. Others may see me as a normal student or may perceive me as a typical one but to those people who know me personally, I may be one of the most outstanding, call it special or different in a unique manner.

No one can predict what one will be, even after a year from now… more so, a decade or two; all these are simply expectations and what we want ourselves to be in the near future. I have always had great results whatever my secondary choices were even during my high school years and until now, as I get nearer and closer towards reaching my baccalaureate diploma, I get to plan things in a wide range of spontaneity.

Two decades from now, with plans laid on hand, I see myself and hope for to be a successful professional in the pursuit of the good and for the betterment of my family and my personality/ self as a functional well-being; as of now I am thinking of widening my range of expertise. I want to explore things out of my baby box. I want to explore the world. Experience and study the cultures of the West, Asia and the Southern countries. I want to be one of the most successful nurses of my age. I want to uplift the morale of my Country beginning with my University. I want to develop further within me the heart of a Clinical Instructor with a Masters Degree in Nursing with my professors whom shall stand as my sole inspirations and exemplars. I want to experience, out of curiosity the works of a call center agent where people say nurses go after graduation or board exams simply to practice and employ my speech prowess just for a moment. I want to work in a well-known institution with only the best employees for quality patient care. I wish forth to finish culinary arts just to know a wide variety of cuisines not seeking of green pastures; I want to be the best that I can be out of the country. I want to give pride to our clan, to my family and of course to myself. I am looking forward towards experiencing only the best and the greatest in thy near future. I want to serve the Lord and my Country. I do not actually plan of having my own family or build a new one as soon as I am affirmably settled and have had established matters on every aspect of my being but rather I see myself as a successful individual and then am hoping forth to be one. What we expect to see in the time ahead are simply the reflections of what we wish forth ourselves to be. We can’t count on to anybody except to the One who is guiding us and who always sees us from above.

This Head Nursing experience gave me the wisdom and compassion not only with the patients but also with my colleagues. I was able to show and perform my leadership and managing skills, not only guiding to be followed but also learning to be dynamic as well at all times. Leading (or simply being able to lead), in addition to nursing as a caring profession could also be considered as a privilege. Modestly being able to assess the accomplishments within a limited span of time, I can easily say that I, together with my co-head nurses have been effective and efficient, smart and intellectual enough to serve as a guide to our subordinates and future colleagues.

I am living my life as it is now in the present time, with the wisdom of what the latter Mahatma Gandhi have quoted, “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” I am taking my time in constructing the doorways of what others call ‘destiny’ and what I call Life and Reality; and I believe, for whatever we do, in word or deed, we shall do all in the Name of Our Lord. I am setting the direction towards reaching my future, the way towards pressing the success key and then push on enter, the road towards love, the path towards happiness and everything else in between.

-The End-

Indolently Dynamic

2010-05-31T18:01:00.006+08:00

"I feel unworthy of little certainties..."

These are the words I have just uttered which then kept running through my 'crestfallen' mind. I feel so undeserving of what I have right now; not because I don't feel I am worthy for it but its because I don't feel its worthy of me. I have always denied the topic of me about being perfectionist, having a Type 'A' personality, overachieving, competitive and a boastful individual (*oooppps... remove the last!) yet it undeniably shows/ reveals a part of me which I think is a little normal for a teen of my age (*defensive).

I was taking everything easy these past few weeks or months should i say and its because I have overestimated my abilities and knowledge about certain information and situations. I have gotten grades which I think I don't deserve this much, but what could I possibly do if these are the fruits of my bitterly bearing tree? I just have to pick them up, wash a little bit and accept the fact that this is what I am going to have this semester, a closely rotten crop. I always tell myself (*which I have never had put to action) that I can do much or more than what I can, but I also know that there is this something which tries to hold me back. I just think I should've paid deeper attention with what I do regret now. Its crazy how life plays its plans for us.

***
I have had my check up i think last Thursday or Friday.. because i felt it is so necessary to have one. I have had my second fever for the month that day before the check up and it felt like I was nearly dying because it is quite unusual for my 'gaunt' body to have such more than once in a month or in this certain period of time. I shall have the colds forever said the Doctor, unless I mange to find ways how to strengthen my body or my immune system directly. In short, work out or exercise! (things i hate doing the most... haha..) Honestly speaking, I don't like activities that require physical exertion or efforts... let us play mind games instead. "Hijo, pwede ka magtuloy sa Medisina kung gusto mo..", he uttered smilingly after i have told him my assessments towards myself. lol. I did laugh hard after... then he told me he's not kidding.

***
"Magaganda ang grades ng batang 'to ah... Running ka ba? (for Cumlaude)", said the enrolling officer while i was into the initial validation of grades for my enrollment. I felt flattered. but then, suddenly it felt a little sad... "Ai hindi po... hindi na po ako Dean's Lister...", I replied humbly... or should i say embarrassed? I know I could have done better. So here comes Mr. Regret again... bothering my futile mind.

***
A week before, I took a hold of the responsibility of being the class president again as I am and the positive feed-backs I have received were all overwhelming. It feels great that people do appreciate all the things you do for them... may it be a favor, a voluntary deed or whatever. Perhaps an exemplification of the qualities of a good leader- as it is stated (Encarta).

I just had this notion ringing.. like, how is it so possible that other people manage to see what my real knowledge and abilities are when I, myself think that all my efforts still lack a ton if I could just say. When is the right time to use the words- sufficient and lacking? Like when they are supposed to be used interchangeably?
I have had conversations with different types of people.. from different walks of life... some whom i have listened to, while others enter the right side and then leave the opposite. I guess I still don't have "strategies" (as a kid told me while playing PVZ) on how to control my life and the situations despite the recurrence of such more than once in this insane earthly living. I just play it the way (how) I know I can win over it. I am now officially on my Senior year... and the pressure is on me to get the diploma, pass the board then and get a contenting job (with good grades and set higher standards).

A friend always do remind me of not being so happy on a one-time basis, i mean like getting into the happiest-moment-feeling-forever... (happy-go-lucky, one-day millionaire) because I may not have something to be left for the next day or the following days. I can't explain the feeling. Life, oftentimes feels so untrue... and i don't wanna be in this the whole time. I don't wanna have another tomorrow.

I want a day to be forever. I don't want things to end. I want today t0 be the sole dream of my forever.

and I pray to the Father, to let me live in a history... feeling like this life is eternal with the happiness of knowing that I am in a place surrounded by people who does not merely believe in destiny but in the sanctity and Sovereignty of Faith, Trust and Love.

-Angelo... -_-

P.S.

I dropped by @youtube to check on some videos then i get to hit this vid of David and i just wanna share.. I just miss archie too so much... :D
and if you get to read this, yeah You.. Old Owl, *ewan ko sayo... hahaha...

Nightynight... Godspeed!

Permanent

2010-05-11T23:36:00.001+08:00

.,I just wanna share this video of my second favorite David... na-LSS ako grabe... hahaha...

I can feel Cook's emotions overflowing and this is so Insane. Great song, great vocals... effortlessly perfect!

PERMANENT
David Cook

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change
Even if I tell you I won't go away today

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent

I know he's living in hell every single day
And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place?
And when they say it's all touch and go
I wish I could make it go away but still you say

Will you think that you're all alone
When no one's there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away
And everything is temporary, rest your head
I'm permanent, I'm permanent...

Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry...

Tears do glitter...

2010-03-13T11:49:00.003+08:00

.,Its been a long while and I have not planned that I will have my come back this way...

I don't really get it when people say I've changed... a lot!... I guess I naively still don't know me.

It has been more than a month, and I always come to this point in time when I restart to realize that time is really just meant to fly. My best bud has arrived last 1st of February and now she's left... a bittersweet goodbye for me again I guess. I am not as hard as a rock or as stiff as a rod, nor as pliant as a bamboo but I know I have emotions inside of me and they just recur whenever I need them.

I think I have not extracted the best out of it... Regrets, why do they always get in our way the last? I don't know... I don't really know. Now, I feel the missing part of it and I don't know how I can adjust to this new, sad, and quiet environment again in my room. I feel it, yes I am alone. Again. I will be leaving this box today and it will be alright outside... but I don't know what awaits me when I get back.

No one will bother me when I am studying, no one will hit me with a pillow as i sleep soundly, no one will ask me sweet little favors about computer shortcuts and how to's... No one will stay with me awake till the next morning, no one will join me as I eat alone at the dinner table, no one will ask me to accompany her with her whereabouts. I am crying. I can't help but cry. I was so insensitive then that I have not paid attention on those simple happy moments. I should have made no regrets.

I know she' leaving because of me and I don't know if she feels its just fair for her to do these things for me. I can just talk to nobody about how I feel now. I hardly utter words.

Addio mi ammica. Arrivederci! Buon viaggio! A presto!

Memoirs...

2009-12-16T05:50:00.006+08:00

"We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same." - Anne Frank

.,I have had a lot of stories running through my mind this past few weeks of blog-rest (shall I call it)... I just ran out of words I guess?...

I have come up into something I have not realized before or even gave a little attention with... I thought I have already known the ways of life; how it goes, its 'rights and wrongs', the ups and downs, even one's purpose and up to the time of a person's last deep breath... not until I have it right in my very eyes... In the weakest part of my body- my Heart.

12 days ago, our second day of duty at JPMH around 7:45 pm- has been the most critical hour of my hospital-life so far... I have never thought that I would be dealing with such situation ever in my wildest and most fearful nightmares... Yes, it was a nightmare. A nightmare which I have wished to be a gay dream but sorry for me, it was not. My Patient died. Simple as it may sound, but that four-letter word can change the walks of everything.

Hours before that incident, I have experienced a number of firsts for a semester and a fourth of hospital duty... When I have heard that I will be reassigned with the same patient at the Isolation Room, I have felt mixed emotions then... I thought it wouldn't be that difficult for me to make assessments, and that it would be easier for me to do charting and SOAPIEs (Its what I love doing the most, I am making a novel out of it). I also felt a little unhappy with it, knowing that for the second time, I am dealing with the difficult task of making Tatay be able to regain strength or maybe just feel a little better than he was the other day... My partner and I cleaned up the mess that Tatay have just made... Y'all know it. It was my first and I guess her first too, we have just communicated with our eyes and contacted each other with blinks and breathes... We have changed soiled Linens and diaper, and did TSB with TLC after(he's febrile that time). It was all my first.

After the dinner break and while we were having fun at the Nurse's Station which is just situated on the right side of the ISO and while our C.I. was discussing about something with corny jokes, my Patient's relative called our attention and said that Tatay was having a difficulty in breathing... we rushed into the room, Sir M taking the BP... 90/60, 60/palpatory... The unbelievable Doctor arrived walking in... Stethoscope here, here, here and one there...

"Wala na s'ya" (He's gone), the Resident 'Doctor' said emotionlessly.

Ate Barbara (Tatay's Daughter-in-law) lost control of herself and she have just cried... I was trying to hold back my tears... I don't know what to do... I walked into her and tapped her shoulders and her back.. that's all that I can do to show her how much I care... to empathize.
I was tasked to do Post Mortem Care then, I seem to be floating in the sea of nowhere when I was trying to get the towel from our Head Nurse. One stroke, I'm fine... Second stroke, I'll be Ok... This is what's running in my skeptic mind... I can't help it, I just cried... I saw droplets of tears falling from my weary eyes... tired of seeing people suffering from the hardships of life. I tried to close Tatay's eyes, it won't shut... I know he still wants to live.

"Tatay mag-iingat po kayo dun", those were the last words I whispered to his ears. I know he heard me... right?

I have just remembered, the night before we were talking (My group mates/Friends and I) while at the back of the hot Van while staring at the bright moon and the dark skies painted with glowing stars...

"Ry pag namatay ka tapos nabuhay ka ulit ano gusto mo maging?" (I have already forgotten her answer).

"Eah ikaw Ate Shee?", I asked them one by one... She replied, "Dagat. Eah ikaw Ava?"

"Gusto ko maging ulap... Langit", I uttered while looking up the beautiful night sky.

"Ang emo mo talaga Ava", that's Jobelle to me.

I always wanted to be the Heavens up above the sky... (Partly because its blue) but the real reason is that... the clouds have their own emotions with them... It travels everywhere... It 's never gone... They're always up there... Giving shade when there's so much light and gives way to light when the place is so dark... It rains when its feeling heavy and forms different shapes on its glory... :) I love it when it paints a rainbow and when the colors fade from red to orange and from violet to blue.... I love the Sunset-clouds; it marks the end of a wonderful day and I also love Sunrises- it means an awaiting great life ahead.

Life has changed a lot for me... I always see Tatay's eyes at night when I shut mine, I always remember his face when I sit to eat on the morning plate, I feel Tatay's warm skin when I am drying my body... I have just come into realization that this is what I am in to... this is what will I do, this is really an inevitable part of life, one of the hardest part of my Future Profession.

I don't want to experience or see another kind of Life and Death situation again, or do I still have to give all of me when caring for my patients and get so attached? I don't want to get hurt, but I know I won't feel I am happy when I don't know the difference of the two.

Life, Change, Death and Memories... For that day and that day only. Farewell Tatay! Take Care.

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy amidst the simple beauty of nature. -Anne Frank

Hundred wordless reasons...

2009-11-25T23:07:00.005+08:00

.,I've got a million innumerable reasons to be thankful for another year added in my life... but I still have more about me that is needed to be fixed and be placed on their righteous places... and some to be simply corrected... I want to confess everything to this one Person... but I'm afraid of the possible consequences... I am still immature of some stuffs I must say... or am I still a coward doing the shadow fight...

well, I still have rooms for Improvement... I don't expect for anything more or something better... I am just so... so thankful that I am experiencing to live this wonderful life on this continuously changing world....

Happy happy!.. :D

[Gonna be updated tomorrow...]

Ang Ika Labing-tatlo

2009-11-13T19:59:00.002+08:00

.,Marami nang masyado ang mga naganap sa nakalipas na dalawang linggong mahigit na pagpapahinga ko sa isang gawaing lubos kong kinagigiliwang tupdin.
Ikalawang araw ng paglilingkod-serbisyo para sa isang aralin sa aking kurso (ang muling pagbabalik ng nakalipas na delubyo? hindi na siguro...) , hindi ko masasabing lubha akong natutuwa sa mga nangyayari sa aking buhay habang patuloy na umiikot ang mundong aking ginagalawan ngunit kung susukatin at titingnan sa maliwanag na bahagi nito masasabi kong mapalad pa rin ang nilalang na patuloy na naghahanap sa mabubuti at magagandang bahagi ng isang sitwasyon, bagay, o pangyayari.

Mahigit isang linggo na ang nakalipas simula ng ako'y makalipat ng klaseng aking pinapasukan, hindi ako ganoon kasaya simula noong mga nakalipas na panahon, ngayon- bagong mga mukha, ilang mga paikot-ikot na pag-uugali, at di mabilang na pakikisalamuhang kailangang buuin unti-unti... sa mga desisyong aking ginawa wala naman akong pinag sisisihan ni- isa man sa mga iyon... may mga bagay lamang na kailangan talagang talikuran sa halip na pagtiisan ito at mag sisi habang nasa sitwasyong iyon... nakakapanghinayang nga lamang isipin na kaakibat ng mga desisyong ito, minsan kailangan nating isakripisyong mahiwalay sa mga taong napalapit rin sa iyo kahit papaano... pagkakaibigang kailangang pansamantalang mapawi para sa ikabubuti ng aming sarili...

Sa pag-iwas sa isang sitwasyon, hindi lahat ng mga nilalang na nakilala natin noong mga panahong nagdaan ay masaya para sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ng iba, may mga taong makikitid ang pagpapahalaga sa mga pinagsamahang mga pagkakataon; biro man o totoo ang mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig ng tao ay lubhang makapangyarihan na kaya nitong paikutin at baligtarin agad ang pakikitungo ng isa sa iba... lalo na kung sa mga salitang iyon, hindi tuwa bagkus ay pagkamuhi ang iyong madarama.

May mga pangyayaring madalas ay idinidikit ng tao sa kanilang pang-araw araw na pamumuhay, mga karanasang pinaniniwalaang nagdudulot ng kung anong bagay na mahirap maipaliwanag... Halimbawa na lamang ngayon ang paggamit ko ng wikang Filipino sa aking katha... walang sinuman ang makapagsasabi kung bakit oh paano, oh ano man ang koneksiyon nito sa aking nararamdaman...

"hindi lahat ng anghel nasa langit... ngunit hindi rin ibig sabihin na kahit bumaba sila o manatili sa lupa ay hindi na sila maaaring tubuan ng kahit katiting na umbok sa kanilang mga ulo- mga matutulis na bagay na hindi mo gugustuhing makita sa kanila.. na sa halip na isang bilog itong nagliliwanag, huwag na lamang... iyon na nga.."

ni minsan sa tahimik kong isip, hindi ko nawari na makakagawa ako ng mga bagay na hihigit sa kung ano lamang ang nararapat nitong hangganan... higit lalo na sa isang walang kalaban-labang nilalang... nakakaawa... ngunit hindi ko iyon naramdaman, bagkus ay para akong naligayahan...

hindi inasahan ng sinuman sa kanila na kaya kong gawin ang ganoong klaseng bagay... upang putulin ang mapalabok na kwento, ganito ang nangyari...

Isang kaibigan ang nakursunadahan kong makalokohan, hindi naman ako napikon, sino nga ba ang nauna? ang paglalagay ng nadurog na pulbo sa isang itim na pantalon ay labis kong ikinagalak... at sa sobrang tuwa ko, naisip kong pumatol... minsan lang naman eah... makahanap lang ito ng katapat.. :) lumayo siya, akala niya tapos na, ngunit nag uumpisa pa lamang ako... dumakot ako ng mga nadurog na pulbo sa sahig gaya ng sa kaniya at hinawakan ko ang dalawa niyang kamay ng sobrang higpit gamit lamang ang kanan kong kamay, sinigurado kong mararamdaman niya ang higpit nito at pagkatapos? ibinuhos ko sa kaniyang ulo ang pulbong nakuha ko...
tapos na? hindi pa... habang hawak siya ng mahigpit, parang halos kinaladkad ko siya papunta doon sa mga pulbong natapon, nakapulot na ako muli ngunit nakapiglas siya... hindi ako tumigil dahil wala naman siyang mapupuntahan eah... sinundan ko siya, muling hinawakan ng sobrang higpit, umaaray na siya at sinasabing ayaw na niya ngunit wala akong naririnig, mas hinigpitan ko ang hawak at ipinahid ang pulbo sa kaniyang pantalon... walang kapalag-palag... walang tumutulong ngunit may isang umaawat.. naaawa na marahil sa sinasapit ng kaawa-awang nilalang na iyon... hindi pa ako tapos, muli ko siyang halos kaladkarin papunta sa pulbong nagkalat sa sahig, pilit ko siyang pinauupo, ayaw? hindi pwedeng ayaw... pinilit ko siyang maupo... inilapit sa pulbo upang magmarka lalo iyon sa kaniyang pantalon... sumisipa, pumapalag, hinawakan ko ang dalawa niyang paa at hinatak papunta sa sahig na natapunan ng pulbo... inilampaso ko siya roon at hindi ako tumigil hangga't hindi napupuno ng dumi ang kaniyang pantalon... nang ayos na ako at nagliwanag ang isip sa mga pag pigil ng mga kasama namin sa silid na iyon lumayo ako at nakitang ubod ng dumi ng kaniyang damit... namumuti ang kaniyang buhok at talagang hindi mo gugustuhing ikaw ang mapunta sa sitwasyon ng kaawa- awang nilalang...

Natapos iyon at may halong tuwa akong naramdaman. una ito... ngayon ko lang naranasang maging halos demonyo sa harap ng mabibilang mong tao, isa pa, ang guro namin ay nasa di kalayuan... mas nadagdagan ang "thrill" kumbaga...

sabi ko nga, hindi lahat ng 'angel' halo ang nasa ulo, minsan may mga pagkakataon na buntot ang tumutubo sa likod naman nito...
Nagulat silang lahat.. talagang hindi nila inaasahan na magiging ganoon ako kumilos... siguro ni sa hinagap hindi nila naiisip na kaya kong gawin ang ganoon kademonyong bagay... well, anong araw na nga ngayon?... Ikalabingtatlo... hindi sana ako naniniwala sa ganito, kaya lang... may minalas nga eah... paano ba yan?... paumanhin na lang sa kaniya.. hayaan mo... pwede naman natin iyong ulitin... sa susunod putik naman ipapahid ko sa'yo... oh kaya ibabad kita sa kumukulong mantika...

Isa pa nga pala, sabi ng guro namin dati may ibig sabihin ang "MARA" sa ibang lengguwahe, ayoko na lang sabihin... pero Maligayang Kaarawan sa'yo! yun lang ang punto...

eksakto... ngayon ay Ika Labing-tatlo, isa pa muling Labing-tatlo- hindi ko na mahintay, kahit na alam kong wala namang magiging bago... tatanda pa ko... haaaayyyy buhay... Life!

Going to the Metro... :D

2009-10-24T21:59:00.004+08:00

.,what do i know about the metro aside from its the Capital of the country?... ugh... don't ask me... I ain't know everything... I'm just so exited, and I just can't hide it... I know, I know, I know I want you... I want you... :) LOls...

After so long, I can now have an escape from the rural living... I can see other things aside from the four corners of my room, the walls of the house, and the fields in front overlooking the Hospital...

I cannot be able to hear the chirping of the birds nor the crowing of the rooster for the nth time... I will be busy looking at the grand buildings again plus the Manila Bay... Pass the MOA of course and hear the noise of the busy streets of Manila... The smoke belching jeepneys and buses and the choo choo of the train while making our way through the underpass...

Hello Manila!... Wc to me.. :D from a Country boy, to a City man... :)

Beginning dump of physical memory...

2009-10-23T11:05:00.004+08:00

"The 'only' fair thing in our world is its unfairness... and its uncertainties are the 'only ones' which we can be ascertain of..."

I don't really know what's wrong with my pc... it always says this line for about every 15 or 20 minutes and heck i have to restart my computer over again... i am getting sick of it and i don't know what to do... i have searched for remedies and possible solutions on the net and have tried doing some of the suggestions, thanks but no thanks cause none of them are functional...

i have opened a tab and searched for one, and another and another... argggghhhh.... i am getting over of this... i'll just bring this on the shop later... I know I am still a computer retarded in one way or another... I tried to find solutions myself thinking that I might not need to waste my time on dealing with the unpleasing personalities of those men in the repair shop... but duh, I still have a lot to 'learn more' about.

I have a broken pc, a broken cp, I am thinking of my grades whether i'd be able to pass as an academic scholar (but if not its still ok... at least I will be able to continue studying for the next sem. with fair- if not high grades...); I am thinking whether I can be able to transfer from one section to another this coming sem. (cause i am sick of the reading routine); I need to go to my Alma Mater to get a copy of my TOR (which I thought i have already submitted when I entered the University); I have not helped a friend in need which causes my heart to start cracking right now (oh gosh its financial! what can i do?); I have an Aunt in the hospital, Cancer- the prognosis; My Tita from Japan will be arriving this Sunday and heck my mom is cramming... Asking me to wash beautiful plates, prepare stuffs- like what to wear and what to bring, fixing a room for our guest- changing linens, cleaning the house- removing weeds which have sprouted all over the backyard (thanks for the rain), and a lot of other preparations to be done as if the Prime Minister of Japan is the one coming...

I have had a long busy week during the final examinations and I thought that i would be able to have a loooonnng rest now because its already our semestral break but nah, sorry for me... I am expecting to have the trip of my life next week... I and my Tita will be having the 'teen' bonding...
For the longest time, I will be able to live out of my box..

I need to go to school at 1pm, I am getting my class card from a 'very productive' subject matter, and I expect to have a well-deserved grade- but not as much expectations as my friends have for me...
I hope to meet one of my favorite C.I. today coz' i want to see my grades in her subject just to know how i was doing all those times... I know I perform well-enough. She's my last hope, the rope who can pull me up, out of the mud where I have sank... from the woman who have buried half of my body...

I just want things to be fine now... When can the world be fair?... I don't know, cause...

"The 'only' fair thing in our world is its unfairness... and its uncertainties are the 'only ones' which we can be ascertain of..."

Pop in..

2009-10-04T22:59:00.003+08:00

"Just smile in times of trouble."

I just want to drop by and visit my dear blog...

I was reviewing for a quiz (tomorrow) when i saw the link through my blog {which is bookmarked on top of my net browser.. :D of course for an easy access :).. } and have decided to post something to ease my boredom..

Lately, the reports have been talking so much about the typhoons that have hit and is currently penetrating the 'Philippine Area of Responsibility'.. (see, i learned something!...:) The daily news (which was normally airing on weekdays) have also taken the time to work and share stories during/ on weekends... I felt so sad for those families and individuals who was greatly affected by the calamity... those who have lost all the important belongings they've had before, whether it be material things or even a loved one. I have thought of what had happened a few weeks ago, the time when it have rained with bits and pieces of ice falling with the rainwater... Now, after all the flooding Ondoy have created... here follows Pepeng with threatening strong winds...

Is Mother Nature making revenge?... For all the filthy things we, human beings have done and are continuously doing... Not to mention what had happened to the American Samoa and also to Indonesia... All this catastrophes and unwanted phenomena happened because of certain reasons and whatever those reasons maybe I know, for sure... that there are people or say individuals behind all this disastrous events... there are entities responsible for all these things that is happening... and during the payback time, who's to be blamed?... where are we headed?...

Thousands of families have been affected, millions worth of investments have been washed away... are we going to wait for billions of total damages to happen before we start to change?...
On our own simple ways... I know we can help... not only helping other people or helping Mother Nature... we must first start to help ourselves.

Filipinos have this certain attitude which makes them unique and different from the other nationalities... which makes me be certain that whatever happens... Everything will all be fine.

"Just smile in times of trouble." -We may not see the pain at a glance... but we can see the tears running when you gaze...

P.S.

The 'Finals Week' is nearly coming and i still have no idea what will happen. I have only taken a peep on one of my lectures... I still have a lot more to read... I know I don't simply need to learn everything, but instead I have to understand them one at a time...

The game is just starting, I mustn't play safe... I need to play good... (or maybe do better? or great?)

May God Bless Me... God Bless the People... and God Bless my Country... :)

Godspeed!

- Happy Birthday Franan!... and Happy Birthday Tita Susan... :D

Have forty winks!..

2009-09-26T18:10:00.004+08:00

I love it when the rain falls so unhurriedly...
with the cold and smooth wind blowing all throughout my body...
with the comfort of the mattress, the pillows and the blanket...

I wanna lay down my thoughts... my eyes stopped blinking... before it went to have forty winks...

and now, I'm asleep...

-I have thought of doing my homework but i feel my bed is pulling my body... my pillows dragged and dropped me... :D

how can i fight the insensitivity?...

Water pls. with crushed ICE...

2009-09-17T04:59:00.004+08:00

"Guys! Guys! Tingnan nyo, Umuulan ng yelo!!!..." (Guys! guys! look, it's raining men, oh i mean ICE!!!)

.,The weather has been so humidly hot all throughout the day, it was 5:20pm and we were just dismissed from our last subject (one of my favorite! welcome back Ma'am M!) Lightnings and Thunders disturbed our consciousness, we were just talking about how we can solve our problem with one of our teachers and then the wind blew hard... its cold... the heavens went dark and whoala! The heavy rain fell... Literally, it is thus HEAVY... The blinding lightning is accompanied by a very deafening thunder... the branches of the trees sway with the wind... the non-pliant ones were brought back down to the grounds...

"Ano ba yan nagbabagsakan na yung mga bunga ng Talisay sa bubong..." (The fruitlets of the Talisay tree are continuously falling down the roof.) "ang ingay!" (What a noise!) We were on the Student center then... a waiting area made for us, students... Good thing it does have a roof for shelter but not walls for hard blowing winds and splashes of water from the rain... my eyes were wide open to see such once in a lifetime experience...

while we were thinking of ways on how to manage the situation and not to get all soaked and wet, suddenly i heard someone said, "Guys! Guys! Tingnan nyo, Umuulan ng yelo!!!..." (Guys! guys! look, it's raining men, oh i mean ICE!!!)

WTF... really?... is this really happening?.. I was amazed by nature... unexpectedly, the rainwater is falling- with crushed ice... I picked some of it and duh it was cold... (of course its ice!) I smiled and decided to get my cp... (unfortunately, it was EMPTY BAT!, ahhhh shoot!) I was not able to capture some pictures or even a video of it... we were stranded and we're all so wet by that time but it doesn't matter anymore... Seeing tons of crushed ice falling from the heavens outweighed the uncomfortable feeling of being all soaky wet... This is the first time I have seen such phenomenon... 5:40pm: we were still at the student center laughing about our situation...

The University, for just an hour or so was a little flooded; a happening which has never been so new to me, even for other students...

Damn, I still feel disappointed. If my phone has just not broke by the time i needed it most... I would've documented what had happened...

After the hard and heavy rain we've then decided to continue what we've planned to do just before that incident happened- Malling :D

After, we walked our way to the terminal hearing people talking about what had happened, as if we have not witnessed it huh...

A group of Teenagers looking up at the dark sky saw a one big white cloud far from where we were and then said, "whoi baka isang bloke naman ng yelo yung bumagsak!" (hey, what if a block of ice would be the next one to fall!) Lol... that was funny... and if that thing would happen how i wish he'll be the first one to be hit hardly... crap!

P.S.

I just realized now, "What's happening with Mother Nature?... She's changed."

-nga pala, Jp, happy birthday!... (kahit di mo to mababasa, kahit may bago ka nang friends...):D

Maligayang Kaarawan

2009-09-09T23:58:00.011+08:00

"Parang kahapon lang nang isilang ako sa mundong ito, pero ngayon... heto, ~~Cute pa rin ako!~~ wala pa ring nagbabago..."

ilang panahon na rin ang lumipas, umulan na nang sobrang lakas sa mundong ginagalawan ko... sumobra na rin ang mga naranasan kong init... ilang beses na din akong lumusong sa baha at minsan, maranasang magtampisaw sa tubig na naipon nito...

Pagkakataon nga naman, ano bang meron sa petsang ito? sa dinami-rami ng araw sa kalendaryo... Mayroon namang tatlongdaan at animnapu't apat pang ibang panahon...

Una, ang paggunita sa ikaapa'tnapung araw na kamatayan ng aking Pangulo... Ang dami naman simbahan na pwedeng puntahan ni Kris, pero ang lakas talaga ni Bishop kay Itay... Personal daw niyang pinili ang Cathedral ng Balanga para doon niya gunitain ang kamatayan ng kanyang Ina sa Misang hinanda ng Parokya- sabi ni Kris... Ayun, ang mga Balangue ño nagkagulo... nakalimutan nang misa ang pinuntahan nila, Ai maalala ko lang, Oo nga pala, Alam nilang may public figure na pupunta, hindi lang basta artista- si Kris Aquino pa... picture, picture... autograph, ano pa?... Shake hands tsaka beso...:D Solve na!... may makakapagpasikat na rin sa mga kapitbahay, mga kaklase, tsaka yung iba pang pwedeng mainggit... bwahahaha... (If I know ganyan iniisip nila..)

Ako? Gutom ako eah... kumain na lang kami sa Chowking, halos tapat lang ng kanto papasok ng parking area ng simbahan... ang daming tao, nakakatamad makiusyoso... sayang! pagkakataon ko na sanang makita si Baby James...:D

Ikalawa, nagdeklara na ang unico hijo... tatakbo daw siya... sana nga iba siya sa lahat ng mga pulitiko, sana mapantayan nya nga yung nagawa ng mga magulang niya kung sakaling maluklok man siya... wag lang makuha ang ugali ng ibang mga napupuwesto, kung makakain sa resto milyon pa ang pinaluluto... Pakape ka na lang!... :D (Starbucks! Lol..)

-singit ko lang, ngunit wala namang masyadong importansiya ito doon sa talagang pakay ko... yung ibang pulitiko lang kasi kung magapaglabas ng 'infomercials' parang sobra lang sa pag smoke belching... "Yayaman tayo.", parang sarcastic baga... ang hirap talaga minsan magbuhat ng sariling ~~pink~~ 'stainless-steel' na bangko... oo masama ngang manghusga kaya lang minsan kasi parang sobra naman yung mga hangin na lumalabas sa katawan natin, ang baho!... Hindi naman kailangan lahat 'Bayani'... yung ibang simpleng tao naman may kaya ring gawin... matatalino ang mga Pilipino, alam ko kahit papaano madadala nila sa tamang daan ang kanilang mga boto... (nga pala, sa susunod pong halalan, huwag ninyo akong kalilimutan! hehehehe...:D)

Ikatlo, Birthday ng isang importanteng nilalang (na hindi ko alam kung bakit nalikha sa mundong ito...) ni hindi ko mawari kung paano oh bakit nagaganap ang mga bagay-bagay na wala ni isa man lang bang koneksiyon sa pagkakaayos ng mga bituin sa langit ngayon, oh sa paggalaw ng mga planeta sa 'axis' nito, kahit sa pagtatago ng buwan sa likod ng mga ulap, aaraw, uulan, tapos nalagyan pa ng glitters yung pantalon ko kanina... nakascarf pa naman ako... buti na lang kumain ako ng hapunan...

ha?... ang gulo ano? hindi ko rin alam kung bakit, pero yung tao kasi na ito masyadong ginugulo ang mundo ko... minsan naiisip ko, bumili kaya ako ng mighty bond (para mapagdikit ko na lang palagi yung mundo namin), kasi para siyang si superman (napakalakas ng dating)... ayaw ko lang sabihin oh tawagin siyang mcdo (Love ko 'to) bka sabihin obvious na masyado... :D korni nga daw ako, pero alam ko nangingiti naman siya kahit papaano kapag sinesendan ko siya ng quotes na korni, yung tipong,

"Kung nasa laboratory raw ako at kasama kita... Anong English nun?... uhmmm... eh di...

I'm in lab with you!... ayeee!"

tama na nga ang kalokohan...

Ikaapat, oo eto na talaga yun... sa mga pinaggagagawa ko ba naman dito sa lugar na ito, hindi ko akalaing tatagal ako ng ganito... Isang taon na pala ako dito... hindi ko man lang namalayan, ang bilis talaga ng panahon. Maraming tuldok na ang nagawa ko (eto, '....'), nakakairita ba? medyo'...' naniniwala lang kasi ako na ang bawat letra, ang bawat salita, ang bawat parirala, oh kahit isang buong talata, lahat ng ito ay maaaring laging may karugtong, posibleng ang tuldok, dagdagan pa ng dalawang tuldok, tapos ilang salita... hanggang sa mabuo ang isang bagong talata... (ang saya di'ba?) gusto ko lang gamitin ang pagkakataong ito upang pasalamatan ang lahat ng nilalang, pagkakataon, panahon at kung ano-ano pang mga bagay na nagtutulak sa akin upang ipagpatuloy ko ang aking ~~makabuluhang~~ pagsusulat. Kung hindi siguro dahil sa mga ito, wala akong malilikhang katha...

Nagsimula ako sa wala, nandyan si 'chique' (spexal mention!), na laging nag iiwan ng komento kahit walang kwenta ang ilan kong gawa (di naman lahat)... tayo lang kasi minsan nakakaintindi sa gawa ng isa't-isa (nakakarelate baga dung!). Tapos unti-unti nadagdagan kahit papaano yung mga napapadpad dito sa site ko... masaya na ko dun! sabi ko nga, okey lang naman kahit wala oh konti yung nagbabasa ng mga katha ko, ok lang kahit hindi din magcomment yung ibang napapadaan, ayos lang kung hindi maappreciate ng ibang tao yung mga naisusulat ko... Nagsusulat ako kasi eto yung gusto ko. Gusto kong ilabas kung ano yung nasasaloob ko... gusto kong kahit papaano mabawasan yung mga iniisip ko, maibsan yung mga kalungkutan, maibahagi yung mga kasiyahan, at simpleng matuto mula sa iba...

sabi nga ni Anne Frank,
"I can shake off everything if I write, my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn."

at sabi ni Aya,

"If i don't write down the things in my heart right now, tomorrow... then i would forget it and disappear..."

gusto ko, tumagal pa ako sa pagsusulat ng isang taon tapos doblehin ng mga isang milyong beses... at dagdagan ng mga isang daang milyong beses na lang... ayos na sa akin iyon...

oh siya, may duty pa ko bukas... at naghahati na ang araw... lumampas na ako sa 09/09/09, Setyembre 10 na...

Maligayang Kaarawan sa akin, sa kanya, sa amin... :D pano ba yan, mukhang imposibleng makalimutan ko talaga ang date na ito... Ganoon yata talaga pag importante... hehehehe... mahirap kalimutan, mahirap maalis sa isipan... sluggish ako eah... mabagal! pahingi nga ng 'do'... dadagdagan ko lang yung t*rpe ko... (para medyo bumilis, kailangan 'torpedo')... :D

¡feliz cumpleaños!...

Happy Wednesday!!!... :D

2009-09-06T19:17:00.003+08:00

.,Guess what?... Wednesday will be a happy day... I wish!...

Why?... a lot of things have changed since then... It's a year ago...

Well, time passes... The world turns... Thank God there is gravity...

Some things are still being held in their right places...

HAPPY WEDNESDAY!...:D

Me is Englishing... Is you englishing too?...

2009-09-04T20:00:00.003+08:00

.,I have always been a big fan of eye-opening Documentaries... and this here is a very remarkable one. Howie Severino is indeed a very Impressive Reporter..

This Documentary was aired on television last August 31, Monday after the Late Night News and Public Affairs Show- Saksi @ GMA7 . The Docu talks about how Filipinos use the Universal Language as our Official Language aside from the Filipino Lingo itself. Howie was on his bike travelling the roads of Manila looking for incorrect grammar constructions, misspellings, and many other things that has a specific connection with the use of the English Language (posted or printed in signage, boards, and even on simple warning symbols). Funny as it may sound but there still really is a need for us to pay more attention on this 'Alarming' situation..

In the video @ 00:13, the simple spelling of the word 'BAZAAR' have not been clearly established to the people as it is evidenced by the printed word on the signage. When asked to spell the word to a group of four gentlemen, only one of them has gotten the right answer, even the saleslady whom I think is working on the shop doesn't even know how to spell the word correctly... what's more entertaining is that, the word 'SAPPHIRE' on the bigger bulletin has a different spelling from that of the little one hanging on the wall for the people passing on the streets to see...:D
She has even made a cool explanation when asked why there is a difference in the spelling of the two... "Pareho lang siguro yan... Pareho lang ng basa, magka-iba lang ng sulat." (It's just the same, I think?... It is just read or pronounced in a single way, it has just been different in spelling.)

At 1:58, I was really amazed on the words/phrase(s), "We accept All kind of" and "Throw Pillo Case"... It made me think, what a 'pillo' is? Lol.. but the thought can be well comprehended though by 'understanding and knowledgeable individuals'...

"To our VALUES customer, S.D. Hardware IS TRANSFER to..."

Very, very entertaining... :D

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Even at schools, where the foundation of the student’s learning is being established, there is still a huge part missing in the context of the discipline. In this case, how would the students learn the right information about the subject if the teachers together with the classrooms are altogether travelling the wrong way?

"NO ONE FAILS IF HE DO HIS BEST."

I wonder if, or for an instance this is the case, will it still be possible that no one would fail?...

To whom shall the blame be vested upon? The Student’s Learning Abilities? The Teacher’s teaching styles? Or the Parent’s influencing the child (both the inherited influences and those that are being acquired constructively ^_^)?

What are the underlying causes of the 'Lack' in this particular branch of learning?...

I have here my own version of the 'bahala na' construction of an 'Englishing Phrase' which i have found posted on the wall of an establishment, and to my amazement I just found myself on the act of capturing the quote with my cellphone cam...

It says, "Any time you see someone more succesful than you are,
THEY DOING something you aren't."

Quite nice huh?.. Got the message?...

well, I have been very entertained today... If you want to watch the video on its site, click here...
or read the article about the documentary.

This is just the beginning... hmmm... the weather pulls me back to sleep... A high school classmate have just reminded me of this phrase... "It's raining outside, Aren't they?"

Dim...

2009-09-03T22:30:00.002+08:00

"Boy's don't cry... We Faint..." ;)

.,After a rude conversation from someone, we were informed then that the 3rd year BSN students may now be able to have their third dose of Hepa-B vaccine at the clinic... I have never been that frightened when it comes to 'needle-talk', but I have let my classmates have their injections first before i have taken my turn... Ladies first! After the vaccinations of the Ladies (they were 8), I have pushed myself towards the hot seat... "Oooops!" (that was my initial reaction) the student nurse have surprised me! the needle just came from nowhere, and it was just injected in an instant without even telling me that i was to be receiving it already... she was too slow, I feel she's reluctant... I have never felt comfortable with that girl performing the task on me... Aspirate, Inject... she has been so slow! I felt she's not confident enough... it took a while and presto!, I'm done and it hurts!.. that girl, she'll have her time... maybe not now, not with me... but i know i can be able to make revenge.. bwahahahaha... >:)

we have left the clinic with pain put on our shoulders... or arms rather... minutes... minutes...
I thought everything's just fine, but no.. I don't have any idea what was happening...

My pupils started to constrict... my vision was slowly blurring... I was not talking... neither did I make any movement... I have sat beside a friend... I was not talking... I started to massage my temporal bones... nothing happened.. my eyes were continuously blurring... it's like it has been solarized (a picture effect)... the walls of the Library started to turn black from white... the road was white, when its real color was gray... I looked up... I forced myself to raise my head and glaze at the heavens... "Lord God what's this?... Is this really happening?", I asked myself while I was still convincing myself that I am out of reality...

suddenly, I am hearing voices... "Hoi ava* ano nangyayari sa'yo?" (Ava, what's happening to you?). Another voice uttered "Ava namumutla ka!" (Ava you look pale!).
"hoi guys ano gagawin natin?... Ava hoi!?" (Guys, what are we gonna do?... hey ava!)
"dalhin na natin si ava sa clinic... hoi maye alalayan mo si ava!... hindi ko yan kaya!" (Let's bring him back to the clinic... maye help/ assist ava!... I can't lift him...)
I have heard those voices as i was stepping my feet off the ground... I felt like I was floating when in fact my feet was on the ground... My vision have completely turned black... I can't see anything anymore... I can't see light...

"Oh ano nangyari kay Angelo?..." (Oh what happened to Angelo?), that was Ate Salie, the cool school nurse... "Ihiga nyo sya dito..." (You put him down here.) "Angelo ano nangyari?... Itaas mo yung paa mo dito.. dalawa..." (Angelo what Happened?... Raise your foot here... both...)

I kept my eyes closed for about a minute... I don't want to see the darkness even if I know that the fluorescent light was turned on... "Alisin mo yung unan Angelo..." (Angelo removed the pillow.) it was under my head... after about another minute i slowly opened my eyes... Good thing, I can now see the light... everything's clear now, but is all blurry...

"ano ba nangyari?..." (What happened?), i was asking myself... I thought of possible reasons... I slept @1am last Monday, because I have reviewed for an exam the following day(Shed-300 and Comdev) .. I slept @ 12am last Tuesday because I reviewed for another exam (OB) , a recitation (Pharma) and made final touches on our project (SHED)... and finally, I slept @ 2am yesterday because I have been busy watering my dry plants @ Country story and Taking good care of my pet @ Pet Society (both on Facebook)...

V/S:
BP- 90/70mmHg ; "what's your normal BP?"- 110/80mmHg po...
PR- 58 bpm
HR- 56 bpm
RR- 14 bpm
Temp.- 36.5 degrees Celsius

I have been low blood.. a little hypotensive... my BP is within normal range but has been low for my body to take... Low PR, Low HR... Temperature reached normal range... (at least I have not been hypothermic).

Five minutes passed... I felt I was sweating... Paresthesia, that is... I asked ate Salie, "pwede na po ba?" (Can I go now?) "che tumigil ka... dyan ka muna..." (No, you stay there..) Ate Salie have known me already... I have been a 'standby' @ the clinic a long time ago... for so many times now... and how can she be able to forget me in these times?... I have made a mark at the clinic already...

20 minutes passed... I felt I was feeling better... I told Ate Salie and Chique that I can help myself now... I'm a Nurse!... Lol... thanks for those people around me... It was a save!... I have almost Fainted... or did I?... LOL...

I have watered my plants and harvested some crops @ country story, I have taken good care of Vyxyn @ Pet society... I have gotten Good grades on those subjects which I have reviewed for exams... I am good at caring for stuffs... but I cannot take better care of myself than what I was able to do for others...

Thank You Mom for being here... for being my Full-time bed-side Nurse...:)

Oh! I need to rest now so I can regain strength... I need to have my energy back so I can be able to continue caring for others...

But before them, I need to refix myself first... :D

Boy's don't Cry!...

Well, I have not cried... I just fainted!... ;)

p.s.

*I am Angelo... my friends just love calling me Ava...:D

Diffused...

2009-09-03T20:59:00.004+08:00

"Boy's don't cry... We fight..." :D

.,I have never expected all those things that have just happened this morning...
We didn't have our duty because the Clinical Instructors were so busy in preparing for the accreditation of the University. No C.I. means the students have no Duty... ;) and I thought it would be fun coz' I will be able to go home early and take a very long nap...

Our group was asked to sign an attendance sheet, to serve as a proof that we have been present this day... badly, the sheet was on the hands of our Instructor and she, at that time was inside the University library. With an aim to happily go home, I, together with my group mates invaded the premise of the Library. We were just four individuals then, and there was this Student who's working 'part-time' at the Library who have just felt our presence... She was at first quite busy entertaining other students who, on my inference will be using the facility- of course to study... but then, she have called our attention...

Girl: "Library Card nyo po?" (where's your Library Card?), she asked.

Myself: "Ai hindi, magsa-sign lang kami ng attendance sa C.I. namin hindi naman kami gagamit ng Library." (Ah, we're just going to sign the attendance sheet on our Instructor, we are not gonna use the Library), I replied using the normal tone of my voice.

Girl: "Kailangan po may Library card, ayun po oh nakasulat kasi..." (You need to present your Cards first before I do allow you to get through, it is posted there {she's pointing at the note on the entrance door}).

M: "Magsa-sign lang naman kami, tapos lalabas na din kami, ayun Instructor namin oh..." (we are just going to sign the sheet and leave the Lib after... she's the just right there... {directing her towards where our Instructor is}).

G: "Hindi nga po pwede. Kasi po marami na nga pong ginagawa. Tsaka kailangan po may Library card kayo bago po kayo pumasok.. Nasan po ba yung Library cards nyo?" (You cannot go there. We are busy doing a lot of stuffs. And you need to present your Library Cards first. before you can proceed... where's your Library Cards?), the girl is now talking on a louder voice, and making faces. "Ilan po ba kayo? Yung iba po dun na lang po muna kayo maghintay sa labas, isa na lang po ang pumasok." (How many students are you in here? others may just leave the Lib and stay outside, only one student can move in.)

M: "Eah magsa-sign nga lang kami tsaka iba-iba kami ng pangalan, pipirma pa kami, apat lang kami oh, yung iba naming kaklase nagsign na dyan kanina pa." (We are just going to sign the paper, we have different names plus we need to put our signatures in it, we're only four here, our group mates have just signed the paper minutes ago/earlier), I replied with a Louder tone of voice.

Groupmate: "Angelo, tara na hayaan mo siya, tara lumabas na tayo... Lika na mamaya na lang." (Angelo, cummon' don't pay attention to her, let's leave now... we'll just go back later.), my classmate said calmly... I know he's feeling the heat inside me rising up and up and up... I am feeling it too... It's that girl's approach which made me put up my temper in a level she can't bear. She must be thankful someone stopped me immediately before i have reached my boiling point.

My heart have experienced sudden palpitations... I can really feel my temper going up... We left the Library and went outside.

Groupmate: "Sungit ni Angelo eah!, ang tindi nito... papatulan na yung babae sa loob eah!", he said smilingly... (I have never thought Angelo is such an ill-tempered guy! you were so Intense... He's taking the conversation with that girl seriously!) Sometimes, when the situation calls to do so, my horn just starts to pop out in an instant!... whoala! sometimes even in the least expected times, i tend to lose control of myself, my words, my voice, and my big blabber mouth just bursts.

I know she was just doing her job, and that is what she's intended to do so but sometimes we still need to think of and consider other situation... Every rule must have to have certain excemptions and it has never been a deadly deed to pay acknoledgement to those situations which calls for- just a simple understanding. She has been considerably inconsiderate! I just wonder, if I have asked her to be the one in our situation and we have exchanged positions during those times, will she be still as hard as rock or willingly allow us to do our small part? that is, to simply sign the paper and leave... I believe that it would not cost her a million dollars if she have just had allowed us to pass through... neither will it cost her to lose an important something from herself nor her significant properties.

I know i have been so rude to take that stuff seriously, I felt a little prick inside my conscience though. Come to think of it, we are just of the same level, we're both students of the university, we are COLLEGE students and not elementary students, and we both have our own little agendas being wanted to have defended, thus, we have just made the story a mile-long complicated.
At the end of the game, nobody have won... because it was a draw. She may have pulled us out of her 'teritory' but we were still able to sign the sheet out (Our Instructor went out of the Library and approached us).

What have I learned? I have just realized, that in this life of ours, we don't always need to defend ourselves even if we have our own 'strong, little points'; being able to step back a little further and humbly move an inch away from from trouble or chaos may mean more than a sweet victory... it is also being gracious in defeat...

A Bustling Bee...

2009-09-02T19:54:00.006+08:00

.,ooohhh God I missed this!... so much!... i have been away from here almost a century ago... Lol.

I have been sooo busy doing other stuffs that I have just realized now that my blog is quite 'dead'...

I have been making honey jams all month long... and its sweet!... :D swear!...

As far as my memory goes, I have last visited my favorite site when I have had my duty on the Emergency Room of a PRIVATE hospital here in the City... and yeah, the first day was the 'one and only' time when my group experienced our happiest hours... It has never been a new thing for us, 'Laughing' about simple stuffs... anytime, anywhere, anyhow... ;) we will laugh our hearts out 'til were all dead tired on Laughing out Loud... but, sometimes we are disregarding the existence of things and people around our circumference (unconsciously), that we are becoming a little insensitive about how those people might feel or maybe, make impressions... It may also be the one single reason why our relationship with our previous Clinical Instructor was kinda Intrapersonal (in the simplest context, I can say- "It was just all in the mind.", never was or never have been one with the heart...) I don't want others to compare my Personality from others' temperaments... yet, I tend to do compare one person from another. Our first duty was a million, trillion and quadrillion miles the best amongst the ones which we have been into... Its not because of the place, neither the time, nor the patients or the toxic duty itself, its the 'Incomparable Clinical Instructor' who have had made our stay a very remarkable one... indeed!.

After that week of duty, the examinations week, in a flash then followed... Am I smart or am I just Smart?... nope I am not.. I consider myself just 'a point above average' -type of learner, it has just been rounded off... :D

I have performed well on those subjects which I have learned to love the most, but there is this one little stuff (our class @ 10-12am) which makes my Learning quite a way-over imperfect..:D I have noticed, even from the start, that I cannot really ride on the discussion of this certain Instructor though I am trying my bestest to do so... I recite at times, in fact I have established my name on the 'CIRCULATION'... ;) yet, I am still pushing so hard that sometimes i just see myself lying back on bed and fantasizing and day dreaming... I do good on our first subject which is scheduled: MTW @ 7-8am, I know because i see that I am exerting enough efforts to get a well-deserved grade (though she have not yet provided transparency with those kind of stuffs). I do exert more than enough efforts on the following subject which is @ 8-9am, I am way too sure because it have made a reflection on my grade... I think I really am quite good at it (this term)... the next subject is @ 9-10am, I play fair, safe and well that's all- no more, no less.

I have just arrived back on track... and I won't let myself bring me down... its just a matter of 'Internal Motivation'. I can do better if I just wish to do so... there are No Bound'ries as Kris Allen said... and i won't Runaway (d corr's:)... la lang (listening to the songs on my track list)...

I'll be making more Honey Jams and keep myself a busy honeybee... so in the end, I would expect my bee hives to be full (of sweet honey of course)... I won't make unnecessary buzzing sounds as much as I can so I wont get impressions from the superior Bumblebees... and one thing more, I don't bite, I have a sting!... :D

Sweetest dreams!..:D

I was pigged!... Lol:D

2009-08-07T08:30:00.003+08:00

.,binaboy ako kagabi!... Lol... una, hinagis nila ang barya, tao daw sa kanya, buntot ang sa akin, tapos... tapos... buntot ang lumabas... pinahiga nila ako... tinanggal lahat ng mga kagamitan ko sa aking katawan... (kala nila dala ko yung cabinet ko...) "alisin lahat ng gamit... lalo na yung mga metals..." sabi ni sir...

inalis nila yung nameplate ko (ang pangalang laging pinaghihiwalay... balang araw magsa-sama rin sila ng matiwasay), may thermometer pa ko sa bulsa ng shirt ko (malay ko bang di pala magagamit)... dalawang bolpen (baka kasi mag blot yung isa, mahirap na... boyscout yata to...), may barya (ewan ko kung magkano), sa ibabang pocket may notepad (syempre para maisulat lahat ng info. na sasabihin ng mabilis na magsalitang si Sir), may penlight (ER kasi eah, makita ko lang yung mata ng patient baka maputi na)... wallet (si L.V. ko! baka makita walang laman!), tapos yung mga cellphone ko (bwaaaahhhh di ko pa po nasa-silent yan. Si nokia pa lang, si Sony di pa... bahala kayo may makita kayo dyan...) inalis din nila yung belt ko... nawindang silang lahat!... bwahahaha..."ano to?", sabi ni Sir... "may tali..." may sinabi sya, yung ginagamit daw ng mga babae... di ko alam kung ano yun... (nakaboxers kasi ako!... eah slim kaya ako... kaya kailangan talaga may tali! mahirap na...) ayun nagtawanan sila... hiya ko naman sa sarili ko... (kailan pa naging masama ang magsuot ng blueng boxers na may tali sa waist para hindi malaglag? hmp!)...

para naman di na sila nahirapan ako na nagtanggal ng sandamukal na butones sa uniform ko... inangat ko na rin yung t-shirt kong maputla ang kulay kaysa sa bago kong uniform...

"ui ava (tawag nila sa'kin, kainis nga sabi nang ANGELO pangalan ko eah!), coca cola ka pala! (pwede ko bang gamitin ang seksi bilang lay man's term? slim daw kasi ako, inggit sila hehehehe...) hihihi..." (ang tawanan ng mga loko, wala mang ab na bukol-bukol, wala namang potbelly, as in seksi! Lol)

kinabit nila ang kung ano-anong kable... may posas sa paa dalawa, sa kamay dalawa din... tapos red daw for the right hand, yellow for the left... red daw sana si Marcos, tapos katapat sa paa itim kasi (sumalangit nawa)... tapos yellow si Cory, tapos sa paa green (RIP din)... sa dibdib nilagay nila yung mga kabute.. Red, Yellow, Green, Brown, Black, Violet... (bakit kasi hindi na lang pa-rainbow! wala namang brown tsaka black sa rainbow eah!)...

sa isang banda, okey na din na ako na lang... kaysa naman sa mga binibini kong kagrupo... mga virgin... (nakakahiya daw... sabi ko naman eah kami-kami lang naman ah!) ayun... sa hinaba-haba ng prusisyon, sa mga papel din na to ang tuloy...

kinakabahan daw ba ko?... kung hindi ako nagkakamali, yung HR eah yung heart rate!... (naks galing ko no!) yung sa magkabila nung I and III 98 tapos 99, eah yung sa II-134, may something daw ba ako sa puso oh kinakabahan lang ako?... sabi ko, "yung mahal ko po kasi hindi ako gusto ng higit pa sa kaibigan..." bwahahahaa!... loko!
tapos yung sa aVR ko 102, tapos yung sa aVL 106... ano ba yan... taas ah... kabado nga yata... first time eah... virgin din...

normal naman itong mga nasa baba kaya lang masyadong mataas daw yata yung sa Q, R, S ko sa V4 tsaka V5... sa V2 biglang baba... as far as i know, wala naman akong komplikasyon sa puso, yun nga lang... wala lang talaga syang love life... naconscious tuloy ako sa reading ng ECG ko...

kasi naman, nag-Establish nga ng rapport, hindi naman nag-provide ng privacy!... LOl... (mamaya duty na naman sa ER... makikita ko nanaman si Sir... maliligaya na naman yung mga groupmates kong babae...)

My Last Farewell...

2009-08-05T20:59:00.001+08:00

In the loving memory of My Beloved President...

I yielded up seeing this poem composed by the late, former Senator Ninoy Aquino during the short days of his courageous life... I am a big fan of this couple... Honestly.

I have not yet witnessed such overwhelming love and support by the Filipinos to any other people who have contributed a lot in the country's democracy, except now!... I can say, President Corazon C. Aquino is "uniquely exceptional"... She have left us the greatest influence which any other individual can never (ever) give... At first, I thought that those who have waited for long hours outside the Manila Cathedral one or two days ago to be able to see President Aquino's remains already formed a great number of support and affection which is really incomparable but now, as I have witnessed Tita Cory's interment (which was started by a requiem mass), through the procession (the long roads of travel from Manila and to Makati and finally to Paranaque) and up to the last hours, minutes and seconds of the burial, at the Manila Memorial Park, the overflowing of support by hundreds and millions of people really made me express an undefiable amazement... "Wow!..." -the best word to define the feeling, i guess... The media coverage gave me a chance to witness this one of a kind and a once in a lifetime moment in our nation's vivacity. Tita Cory have really made a lot for our country... One of the best Filipina ever! It felt like as if I was being brought back to the year when the country's democracy was renewed. The people shouting in grief and tears flowing through the roads... I was indeed affected emotionally.

And as I read this poem below, I have had this one thing in my wretched mind- this is but,
A Great Inspiration.

The candle of My Life
Ninoy Aquino

I am burning the candle of my life
In the dark with no one to benefit
From its light

The candle slowly melts away
Soon its wick will be burned out
And the light is gone

IF someone will only gather
The melted wax, reshape it
Give it a new wick—
For another fleeting moment
My candle can once again
Light the dark
Be of service
One more time
And then…

Good-bye.

For the Last time, Tita Cory, let me give to you my last farewell...

My Deepest Gratitude... Farewell.... Godspeed...

Tie a Yellow Ribbon... (not in the old oak tree!...)

2009-08-01T07:59:00.002+08:00

"...the Filipinos are really worth dying for..."

.,I may not know her personally, but I felt some feeling of mourning deep within me...

I turned on the television upon waking up after a very tipsy night... and a very shocking news made my arrector pili muscles constrict and I felt my lachrymal glands are soon to secrete a clear watery fluid...

The Former President Corazon Cojuangco-Aquino just passed away 3:18 am this morning, 1st of August, year 2009 at the age of 76, and from an interview (which I have seen on the news) with the family friend, Boy Abunda, he said that Tita Cory died of Cardiorespiratory Arrest while the family, together with some friends and relatives were praying the 5th mistery of the Rosary... and that everyone was quietly mourning during those times...

President Aquino has had a great contribution to our country's democracy, she served as an inspiration not only to the Filipino people but to other nationalities as well. She is undoubtedly a woman of courage and strength. Tita Cory fought for her life for more than a year (while she suffered from a Cancer of the Colon) and on 1986, as I watched it from documentaries and videos I felt her utmost concern and love for the country and the countrymen while she walked with the people fighting for freedom in EDSA...

From an interview with an informative news and public affairs television show Mrs. Aquino said, "...it's time to wake up and to do something..." of course for the nation... and in the end, when asked about her 'retirement' she uttered, "you have to pay back (anyway)..." yet, Tita Cory was still glad because she knows that the people supports her and that they have shown their love for her before she was to leave her 'complicated' life here on earth...

below is a tribute to her which I have searched from the internet... and is a proof that the people really appreciated her as their leader. After all, the 'Filipinos are really worth dying for.'

To my President (now in haven with Ninoy and the Lord) you may now rest in peace... Thank You and Farewell...

p.s.

the rain is falling swiftly and softly from the heavens, grieving and continuously mourning...

Rh positive (+)

2009-07-31T23:36:00.004+08:00

"...bottoms up!...:D"

.,what's wrong with being tipsy and drunk?... i still managed to go home all by myself anyway...

plus, i was able to post this up...

why do people drink (of course beer!)?... they said, i have a problem... how did they know?... if i myself on the first place didn't know i have such...

my vision is blurring... my eyes wants to shut... tired and intoxicated from duty... add it up with a very dull, quite boring, and a not much appreciable preparation and programs from the coordinators of the acquaintance party...

if anybody's happy... well, it's certainly not me...:D

good night everyone...

for my tankard mates, "CHEERS!!!..."

"Bottoms up!..."

SO, ano NA?...

2009-07-27T18:22:00.009+08:00

.,break muna ako sa pagi-ingles... engalog muna...

it has always been a pleasure to watch PGMA's STATE OF THE NATION ADDRESS... nung una naiisip ko lang, san kaya nagpapatahi ng damit si Madam President?... ubeng ube siya kanina... suman na lang solve na!... :D

natutulog ako mga alas kwatro, tapos nagising ako, narinig ko may nagpapalakpakan sa tv... aun bumangon ako mula sa mahimbing kong siesta at nakiusyoso sa kung ano ang meron.. "ai oo ngapala, SONA!" (anu naman sa'kin... hindi naman ginawang half-day yung klase... tsaka kung mag half-day man, eah half-day lang naman talaga schedule namin ngayon...kainis!) balik sa SONA...

I, initially, upon taking a fast glance have noticed PGMA's hair style, "uy bago!.." but it does not suit her best. The one's she have had before were much better... kailangan kasi ipakita talaga yung earrings. Color coordinated din Siya mula ulo hanggang paa... those purple earrings, the pink hanky, the shoes, and of course yung masalimuot na terno... (meron pang handy baglet na pang abay ng ninang sa kasal...) sabagay, hindi lang naman siya yung may suot ng Filipiniana... pati yung ibang congresswoman hindi papatalo... magkano kaya ginastos nila sa pagpapa hair-do?... well, its none of my business, i guess...

of all the SONA's I've watched and heard, this is the only one, I think.. which was the strongest of all... (eah dalawa lang naman ang napanood ko... may pasok kasi lagi...) PRESIDENT ARROYO have always amazed me of her speeches.. which makes me wonder how long she prepares for this very awaited moment, not only by her alliances but also by the opposition... I didn't pay much attention with the ralliers.. now, i have had more time on listening and bringing down deep through my thoughts Madam President's quotable qoutes...

She have said, "My term does not end... until next year." - if I'm not mistaken, this was for the opposition people who, says that PGMA is laying down the plans on extending her term in Malacanang... (Charter Change baga...) "I have not declared Martial Law.", she added. what does it imply? why have she said such words? may be she just used those words to put emphasis on the people that she, for an instance, may be (dami naman LOl), have thought of making other strategies to lengthen her stay at the highest seat but then, eventually, as her term is now coming to an end, she have realized that it was all enough that she tried... (just an opinion...) for her critics/critiques, Mrs. Gloria Arroyo uttered such words, "They are frightened by their own shadows." and she also said, "I will defend democracy." Mrs. Arroyo is indeed a very courageous woman to say such words... and that she is very strategic that she was able to use this time to speak up for herself.

a phrase left me hanging on air, and i still wonder who she was pertaining to when she said, "Those who lives in glass houses should not throw stones." the crowd went shouting and clapping and also some giving praises i guess... are those the crazy politicians? I am not a very outspoken person and that I seldomly give my opinion regarding political issues... but upon hearing this SONA, somehow, i got interested on finishing a puzzle about politics.

Mrs. Arroyo have also acknowledged the presence of, and the contributions of Manny Pacquiao, and made a statement, it goes... "...however, a national problem cannot be knocked out by a single punch." I say, Madam President has got the 6th of the 5 senses...:) that is, humor. I see, it feels such a great honor to be a part of the 'special mentions' of the President. Manny Pacquiao has got the biggest smile among all those who was regarded by the President as a 'contributor' to the Philippine panorama.

"Nasa kamay natin ang ating kakayahan...", said PGMA. yeah right, we can't always wait for the government to take action... to initiate making programs, sometimes we can only depend on a single person at a time... Ourselves. She even gave thanks to the countrymen who, in their 'earnest' considerations have put her on where she is presently standing. "Maraming Salamat!", said the President (not very much welcome, replied by some...:D). A long standing ovation was given to the Her. Sadly, i was not able to count the "eager/ more than willing" appraisal of the audience to each and every 'pause' made by the President.

"MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!...", were the last words of the President... in fairness to her, galing niya mag memorize ng speech, ala eah kahaba ai!... I have had only a 6 or 7 minute speech as my longest. That's what makes her stand out from the rest, the best example for a "Small but Terrible" individual.

To the President, "I Salute You...",~~hair-well done~~, I mean, Job well done.

P.S.
hirap siguro mamuno sa Pilipinas?.. maging leader nga lang ng Group sa school haggard na haggard na ko... pano pa pag humabol ako sa pagka presidente at manalo... gano kaya kahirap?...
(sabagay, libre naman mangarap... kaso gusto ko magapari muna eah... San kaya ko pupunta?... Seminaryo ba oh Malacanang?)

2009-07-26T21:55:00.003+08:00

.,this is what we have done Thursday last week, i have told my classmate to 'act' (only) as a leader of our group but then, at the end... the words came out from his mouth... he said that he was really just an acting leader... and he is partly right... why?... cause i am the one who initiates the actions that he as the leader himself must be the one acting it out... i have hurt him by my words... i know, that is why he was able to said those words... sum it up with our 'know-all' clinical instructor at the site saying non sense ideas...
hmmm... let's see... we need to verbalize all the things that we as a group have done while at the site but then we also need to provide a computerized narrative report for her... we consume so much more than the time on our schedule... and so we go home late and exhausted but then she is so demanding that she requires that each of us make a report on stuffs like diseases acquired by most of the people in the barangay and so much more that makes us feel not so good under her supervision... how i wish this duty ends soon...
good thing i am good at paper works... writing somethings i guess... making the statements creamy... if you can read this, this is what i call a narrative report... compare!... (not the content, but the grammar...piz!)

Narrative Report
(Barangay Cataning)

Two groups underwent a merge for a community duty in a Rural Health Unit at Barangay San Jose, City of Balanga, but the group was then subdivided into five small groups of four to six members each and was evenly distributed into equal working forces to be designated at the smaller units of health care facilities at different sites/ Barangay which is the Barangay Health Centers.

Our group, which is comprised of four individuals, was assigned to be serving at Barangay Cataning’s Barangay Health Center. Barangay Cataning is situated nearby Barangay San Jose which is the location of the Major RHU in Balanga City and the Seat of Governance in the Province of Bataan (Bataan Provincial Capitol), and is adjacent to Poblacion, which is the center for commercial, political (City Hall of Balanga) and business establishments in the City of Balanga. We made a courtesy call at the aforementioned Health Center, a ‘meet, greet, and know’ process after a short briefing at San Jose. We were individually introduced to the Barangay Health Workers (BHW) and the Trainee Volunteers upon initial arrival at the said site, wherein the Assigned Midwife was not there yet.

Having known that the setting is a less formal one than that of in the Hospital, we (my group mates and I) have adopted a minor key profile for the individuals whom we are going to be working with to establish a more comfortable and fair feeling of atmosphere while in the work place. While waiting for Madam Olivia Perez (the Midwife who was assigned in Cataning) to arrive, we, together with our Clinical Instructor (and up to the time she left) conducted a minor form of interview with the Members of the staff (whom we call ‘Ate’ and followed by their names).

Every Wednesday is said to be a Maternal Day, wherein both the pregnant and the non child-bearing women visits the health center for immunizations through vaccines. Through further communication, we found out that the Barangay have just recently conducted a feeding program, but when asked about the next possible schedule of the following feeding program, the Health Workers informed us of the lack of sponsors to possibly help on the conduct of the next feeding program. We have also found out that the said Health Center sells packages of Iodized Salt for the community people in which the offer is a program of the association of the BHW’s. Upon ocular Inspection, we have seen that the Facility has been well managed; it has an updated Spot Map of the Barangay regarding people’s nutritional status. A Causal Model of Malnutrition is also posted which was made by the Barangay Officials, a foreseen health threat to the community. An accomplished EPI chart and a bulletin with packages of foods fortified with vitamins and minerals, commonly known as the “Sangkap Pinoy Seal” is posted on a certain part of the entrance door.

We have had Seven patients in total: Three(3) patients who have been weighed; Two (2) who’s Blood Pressures was taken, and another two (2) women has been vaccinated by Tetanus Toxoid, one of whom received her fifth and last dosage. About three infants have received their Hepa-B vaccine which was administered by Ma’am Olive. We have observed that the facility practices safety in the disposal of used Hazardous Materials such as needles and medication vials, keeping the container regularly closed and separate from other waste materials. We were also given a sample of and were oriented on information regarding Referral forms.

The group has also observed the Vital Statistics of the Barangay. Provided data was as of year 2008, included are; the causes of Morbidity, which was commonly Coughs and Colds followed by Fever; Notified Diseases includes Hypertension and Multi Organ Failure as part of the list for Mortality; other information includes the Total Population of the Barangay, Sex distribution, other relevant and related information.

We were told stories of previous home visits and have been given the chance to administer vaccines, specifically Tetanus Toxoid to Mothers under Ma’am Olive’s guidance and supervision. We were also taught on how to read Blood Pressure via the radial pulse, and were informed that there was a previous reported case of typhoid fever but was then treated immediately, and fortunately, there has not been any reported case of Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever so far.

*************

...tomorrow i will be posting the other one... these are the things that I am doing (or my group rather) when in the community... i still can report and write down this kinds of stuffs right now... but sooner, i will be as busier as the ants and have to work harder as the bees...

climb the hills and roam around the trees... a sweet honey please...

Training Grounds... (Last day)

2009-07-20T17:06:00.002+08:00

.,The rain was pouring so hard and it was not that easy for someone in an all white attire to travel a long pouring-wet road. The weather was so dull that the flow of emotions was greatly affected. A wordless day i guess.
Things happen so unexpectedly, always! I was appointed by our Clinical Instructor as the group leader for that day, which I have never presumed for to happen... I don't know what to do, It felt like I was in the muddy waters... I have experienced to be a group leader in the 'utmost' times all so unexpected... but this one feels a little rare than the usual...

I never realized that it would be that hard to be a leader even for a day, unlike when I was just handling one or two patients at a time for q1 and q30 respectively. We have 37 admitted patients. I have thought of handling even one or a single patient but I am afraid to do so, thinking that I might not handle the situation well. It's like I have more than eight to ten patients all at the same time for q1 each. I was always on call, and at all times on track. This feels really different, people asking you for help, that you need to think of ways on handling lots of diverse situations.

I was dead tired for the hours past half the duty and I wonder if I can still be able to continue for the next four hours left. I was like a bee roaming all around the flowers in a huge forest with an aim to produce lots of honey. I was walking all around the hospital wards for almost 7 or eight hours, monitoring and asking if somebody needs my help.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction… i have been a leader, before- I was dead tired of being a bed-side nurse, but I was triple dead tired of being a ~~supervisor~~ hospital nurse. From now on, I shall be responsible enough to be willing to take the lead but I shall also be flexible enough to whole heartedly follow.

At the end of the day, I still think of those things that i have done, and then i start to evaluate myself...
Somebody, tap me on my shoulder for a job-fairly done!... :D

Training Grounds...

2009-07-19T19:39:00.002+08:00

"...tap me on my shoulder for a job fairly done!..."

we were exposed to our future world of endeavor a week ago. it has been quite a rough start for me as i am a first timer. It was hard to cope up with the new situation and a different atmosphere around me.. I have never expected and thought of seeing a woman in labor in that surprising manner. I was in a state of shock, i felt that this is really it, that this is going to be my life... my future nursing life.

*****

First day...
My first patient was a 76-year old woman with diabetes, and a clinical impression of/or having pneumonia... she is closely bed-ridden for it has been hard for her to ambulate or move even a single muscle. She is so weak and has only few words to utter. I felt a certain feeling of sympathy for her, and was so nervous to initiate certain actions. I have been quite good enough on facing people whom i personally don't know, i got good grades on impromptu speeches, yet it has always been not that easy to seek for a good start. Time is running... my patient is q1, which means her v/s needs to be monitored hourly and she needs to take four different types of meds for about every three or four hours, just imagine, this old woman being deprived of having a continuous rest... will she be able to cope up for this big lost?... i just wonder how difficult was it for her... good thing Nanay's relatives were there... i have been in touch with them since day 1... and am very appreciative of their compassion and care to Nanay... they've told me different stories of her life while we were sitting at the bed corner side by side... i have felt an unexplainable happiness within me... because these people trusts me even if we don't know each other personally and come to think of it, they have just known me for hours then... Nanay needs to take her meds exactly by the time when I entered the room. Her daughter-in-law said that Nanay Labinia does not want to take her meds earlier that time and that maybe, i can convince her to take them all, of course one at a time... i talked to nanay... she wants to take sometime... she needs to concentrate... minutes and minutes passed and we were then able to convince her to take her meds. "buti na lang ikaw ang na-assign kay nanay... napakabait mo...", said Nanay Labinia's daughter... ('good thing you were the the one assigned to my mom... you're such a nice guy...')
this was for the simple acts that i have done. Knowing that people appreciates what i am doing for their loved one puts a great smile in my heart...

******

2nd day...
Nanay has been waiting for me to arrive, said her daughter... and at long last, i have heard Nanay say my name for the first time... i have just started my work, and she asked me to eat snack with her daughter, she said she wants to have some cola but unfortunately she was not allowed to take even a sip. It has been a little smoother as i go along the way, but with a new patient with v/s to be monitored q 30, who does not know what tiring and toxic means?... He is hypertensive and has claimed of being asthmatic.. from private room 2 and then to the hallway, from the hallway back to private room 2... this has been my routine for more than three or four hours... i have not taken a sit during those long exasperating hours... lots of work has been done... i feel the tiresomeness of each and everyone while we were travelling our long way back home... NCP's, a lot of Drug studies and a SOAPIE all awaiting to be done...

*******

Day 3...
It was raining smoothly... Little water droplets are falling/ sliding down the window pane... Everyone was quiet as we were travelling the way to our destination... An unusual scenario for a bubbly and high-spirited group of 14... Things were really quite atypical, i can make an inference...
for the first time, we all went out for a breakfast together... and it was soooo pleasurable!... not for long... I never expected to be away from my patient for that time... I was assigned to the respi ward for a change... At first, I thought it was gonna be an exciting ride, but that was just a thought, its far from reality. I have a new patient, a 3 years old little girl... I don't know how she was oriented and brought up by her mother... she refuses to take her medicine, she wants to wander around, she's like so disoriented - allow me to say she really is. This little girl is so restless and uncontrollable and no one can stop her from crying not even her mom... she cries and cries whenever she sees that pitiful bottle of suspension...
Hours passed and all the patients at the respi. ward were all discharged by the doctor, except Cathlen, my cry baby. While I was waiting for my partner in charting to finish writing stuffs... an unexpected thing, for the second time put me into shock! I saw everything without a blink of an eye... Did she just vomited? "Oh My Heavens", that was my initial response... What have she done? or what shall I do rather... I picked up the tissue from my pocket and with no second thought I cleaned the mess up... mind you i have forgotten to wear my clean gloves... eiw!... i have not thought of following her... to second the motion... that was an exact mind over matter phenomena. Good thing her mother doesn't have any materials to help me clean up during those times... I went to our quarters and gave her some of my good, and unused stuffs... that was my first time to clean the vomitus of other people (aside from mine). Think of it as an appetizer before our lunch Break.
This day was a hassle... but as it ended, knowledge and Learning still found their way... a lot of 'patience' continues to develop sum it up with an undying care and affection for others...

*************

- i would be posting my last day on duty tomorrow... my hands are dead tired... my neurons starts to burn up... and i don't want all of them to turn into dust...

Puzzled...

2009-07-07T09:15:00.004+08:00

"Somebody Up There Somewhere... Does Love Me..."

.,I am really confused right now... feelings overlap each other... am i nervous or excited?...
just 3 or 4 hours left and our time is closely coming... we are now gonna be exposed to the real world... our diverse fields of endeavor... what does the cap and/or the pin symbolize?... and the light that is offered by the candle?... their true meanings will be revealed on the right time, the right place, with right individuals...

soon i will be wearing this white stuffs below... i don't know what to expect upon arriving at the situation... this is it... there is no turning back... the only way to travel is straight across the track...
later, we are going to Utter the Nightingale Pledge and make music with our voices... The Filipino Nurses' Hymn speaks for the and/or about the profession... and about 800 wishful student nurses are going to mark this day, 7th of July, year 2009 - the unveiling of their lives as future Professionals/ Registered Nurses... Serving not only their countrymen but also the whole wide world in general...

I'm gonna take one sure, slow step at a time... with my heart and mind equally open...

I may not be in certain about how i feel, but i am much positive of one thing, That Somebody Up there somewhere will guide me, teach me, help me, and really Does Love me...

archieaddict3 - Let's talk About LOVE... :)

2009-07-02T20:55:00.005+08:00

.,what's the best thing to alleviate boringness? easy!. to do what makes you happy... do my own ritualization process...:)

-Listen to archie's songs...:D now i have found a new one on the web... and it caught my interest and attention upon hearing the lyrics... which made me decide to share it with people now...

this song has a beautiful lyrics... speaks for itself... its the playing proof... :) I really can't explain how archie is being able to change my mood in an instant...:) maybe, just maybe... His smile is the key... Lol... I'm a BIG fan!!!...
happy watching/ listening everyone!...

Below is the Lyrics of the Song... (sing with me...:)

Let's Talk About Love
David Archuleta

Mhmmmmm, hmmmm
Sometimes I wondered
What I'd be when I grew up
And then I remembered
It was anything I dreamed of
I could be a poet or a singer
I can be scientist
But before I make that decision
Let's talk about my list...

Let's talk about love, let's talk about peace
And living in perfect harmony
Let's talk about hugs
and talk about ways that we can share
Let's talk about you, lets talk about me
Let's talk about how we can be one big family
Let's talk about love, talk about love

Sometimes I feel like I wanna give my friends a call
To tell them what I'm dreaming
And everything I want
I want us to be a little closer
And to always reach out a hand
To be kind to one another
And always understand

It's all about love, it's all about peace
And living in perfect harmony
It's all about hugs
It's all about ways that we can share
It's all about you, it's all about me
It's all about how we can be one big family
It's all about love

La la la la la la
La la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la

Everybody has a heart
Everybody has a smile
Let's wrap bow around each one
And give it away once in a while

(Let's talk about love, lets talk about peace, and living in perfect harmony)
It's all about hugs
All about ways that we can share
It's all about you, it's all about me
It's all about how we can be one big family
It's about love
It's about love
It's all about hugs
All about ways we can share
It's all about you, it's all about me
Talk about how we can be one big family
Let's talk about love
Talk about love
Let's talk about love
Oh....
It's all about love

------end-----

and yes,
"...It's all about you, it's all about me..."

who loves math?...

2009-06-30T14:59:00.001+08:00

"I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally." ~Calvin Trillin

who's got a passion for numbers? for some study programs, math is the center of their curricula, but for other courses, math is just a simple and basic subject which does not need to be given a great attention with...

What have pushed you to take up the Nursing course? A frequently asked question to nursing students (and sometimes to graduate and registered nurses)...
Some answers, "Because It is now in demand, not only in the country but also abroad, and oh!, in that way I can earn lots of money." -an answer from opportunistic people:) ;
some said, "Because I would love to help people. I feel I have the ability and the passion to pay service and give comfort for the well and of course the sick."-an answer for a beauty pageant:) ;

and one of the most common answer is: "Kasi ayoko sa MATH kaya ayoko ng Engineering pati Architecture, pangalawa na lang dun yung takot ako sa heights. Mas lalo namang ayoko ng Accountancy, diba mas maraming numbers yun?... kahit pa pera sya... ayoko pa rin... Hirap na nga ako mag-add eh, magca-calculus pa ba ko?... Nursing na lang... mas ok pa ko sa Dugo kesa habambuhay kasama ang Numero."
("I don't like MATH that's why Engineering and Architecture isn't in the list of my choices, and sum it up with my fear of heights. I don't Like Accountancy either... isn't it about more numbers?... Even if money is involved... i still don't want it... It has been hard for me to do addition, then I will take the burden of doing calculus?... I'd rather choose Nursing... i think its better to be looking at the blood than to stick with numbers forever...") -An answer from a Numerophobic person...:)

I don't know but people often miss this part of the nursing course... Nursing is not merely about Science, Interventions, Processes and CARE... it also involves MATH... Maybe not a lot and not that much complicated than what those 'Math-involving Courses' do... yet, and still Math will forever be a part of the Nursing Field; to compute for dosage of medications, for IV fluid regulation, et cetera... et cetera...

we were discussing about the SCALE FOR RANKING HEALTH CONDITIONS AND PROBLEMS ACCORDING TO PRIORITIES earlier at school... as it is about ranking, numbers and simple math problems are involved...
>>fast forward...
This was the simple given problem to solve:
The formula is (score/highest score) x weight= product (for criterias 1-4) and sum it all up to have the sum total/ the total weight.
(the teacher is the one answering on the board... hihihi...)
a.) 2/3*1 = 2/3 (easy huh!...)
b.) 2/3*2 = 1 oh 2!... (that's ok...)
c.) 3/3*1 = 2 Oooooonnnnneeee!!!... (students laughing..-bad students!...)
d.) 2/2*1 = 1 (very good children!!...)
Total= <~~3.17~~ three point seventy? ~~3.67~~
= 4.67

so what do you think?...

Incidentally, while i was watching a Noon time variety show, a Freshman nursing student from somewhere proceeded to the Jackpot round of a game which is a segment of the TV show...
>>fast forward...
the first question was...
"Kung ang gastos mo sa isang araw ay Php 120.00, magkano ang total na gastos mo in ten days?..." (If you do spend Php 120.00 in one day, how much would you have spent in total for ten days?) - 10 seconds to say the answer...

(whoooshhhh!...No sweat!...)

"two thousand four hundred?...", answered the contestant/ nursing student...
Host: "magkano?..." (How much?)
C/NS: 2,400 po?...

..............silence..............

Host: "kasi naman kaya nga Nursing ang kinuha, Ayaw ng Math..." (This is why she took up Nursing, cuz' she doesn't like MATH...- something like that...)

These incidents just happen because they are intended to... Idk... maybe some Nursing Students really used or made nursing as a way to be free from/escape from numbers or problem solving equations... but they have not yet won the fight... We can't run from our fears forever... We just need to face the reality as it is... or might as well be in the dark for life hiding through those little spaces made by our nightmares...

Mathematics can be likable in so many unenumerable ways... just take

Calvin Trillin's quotable quote...

"I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally." ~Calvin Trillin

Nyctalopia (night blindness)...

2009-06-29T22:01:00.001+08:00

"... it is at times more courageous to fight off than to continue fighting back for nothing..."

.,i was once a part of a 'perfect' family (when i was still at a very young age)... i thought, i have the best family amongst other children of my stage. That i have the best mom, the greatest dad, and the finest siblings in the whole wide world...
That's what an imaginative kid does while he's alone... to think of what are 'supposed to be' perfect (when in fact, he's just blinded by stuffs)...

"I wish I could go back... if only i could..."

I was blindly seeing during those times... Covered up by the innocence of a young child... where everything he does is right... Time passed, and we are all grown ups... Able to think and decide for ourselves, Able to object on things in contrast to what we think is right... and to know the boundaries between what is just and what is considered improper.

We have our own indifferences but it does not have to be widely spoken. We know ourselves better than other people do and so we must not be easily affected by the blabbermouthed individuals around us. We just need to benevolently give trust (although it isn't that effortlessly given) to each other.
I have been
~~existing~~ living in this world for about 18years, 6months, 2days, 23:00 hours and 58 minutes, yet i am not able to swiftly go along with my river's flow. I think this is really how life goes...

Trials, struggles and certain hindrances come... and its either Victory nor Defeat which follows... Milestones are being created and some, being effortlessly destroyed...

Sometimes we just have to accept things in order for us to feel happy and contented with our lives and every now and then, we just
~~simply~~ need to balance things... (Advices from my favorite Instructress'...)

"Learning to accept things does not always mean defeat, it is at times more courageous to fight off than to continue fighting back for nothing...

A little of something can be bad, and too much of stuffs can roughly be worst..."

-angelo...=(

P.S.

Now, it is raining hard. I think it'll be harder for me to sleep, it's hot and humid. And i don't really like the spark of the lightning secondary to the deafening thunder (though the latter does not exist). I am blinded by the night, i hardly can't see... how i wish to have a good light, one which can 'loosen up' my mind...

Wordless...

2009-06-17T05:30:00.002+08:00

"Let thy words be few." - Ecclesiastes 5:2

., I just don't have any other choice... I cannot really accept the fact that "Things will not always go the way we want it" Today, I will be facing the same situation in this world of uncertainty... wherein CHANGE is the only constant thing.
Suddenly, an idea passed through my exasperated mind... I just realized what 'E' stands for... (right now) 'E' stands for Exile...

I know, time will come... not now, but sooner or a little later things will change... and its just between a single wall, it maybe better or on the other side, worst?... Of course I go with the former.
Just Expect the Unexpected...

"Just Live Alone in the Island of Nowhere..."

Namida (tears)...

2009-06-17T00:26:00.003+08:00

"Fate, It can't be put in words..."

.,these are the lines which made me think... that people don't get contented with what they have right now... or the opposite, they can't easily accept what are those they don't wish for, yet it comes...
I watched it since day one... and up 'til then i was carried away... i really love watching inspirational true-to-life stories and this is the kind of story i won't be tired of watching, over and over again...

Aya is a 15-year old girl who was diagnosed to have a disease called Spinocerebellar Degeneration. Primarily, it affects the human brain functions; the movements/ locomotion abilities of an individual is significantly affected. Unfortunately, SCD has been sought to have no discovered cure over the years and so the individual who suffers from this kind of disease will forever take it as a burden. Thus, it is in other words 'incurable'.

There has never been any untouchable situations through out every episode. A total heavy drama. Aya lived her life battling against the disease for ten strong years. She managed to smile even if she's in pain, and tried not to show any signs of weakness in the face of other people. Aya is really a damsel full of strength. At the age of fifteen, this girl is unbelievably brave and courageous to continue fighting for her life until her last breath.

She said she have written her Diary to act as a proof that she is alive. That she is living and will forever live. This story have inspired me in so many different ways; To gain strength in times of trials and weakness, and to value the time and the people around me. That as much as Physical health is important, emotional balance and strength is as important as well, which can help us make our way through and accept our lives as what it is and what it may become.

What's wrong with falling down? We can always stand up anyway. We just need to 'Live On...' to live on forever...

every episode, i always felt like crying, but i always tried to hold it back (lots of times)... but for this last episode, i did not try to fight my tears from falling (or i can't just control it anymore)... its a good exercise for my dry lachrymal glands though...

I can't wait to see the next episode following that one which was presented last Friday and so i found my way through and until this final episode...

"If i don't write down the things in my heart right now, tomorrow... then i would forget it and disappear..."- the lines i got so touched with...

In the end, we can then find our place... A place where there will be no more tears... A place where everything is a treasure... Just a boxful of happiness...

"People shouldn't dwell on the past. It's enough to try your best in all that you are doing now...." -excerpts from the story (An English Translation)...

A Total Stranger...

2009-06-15T19:13:00.006+08:00

" I have felt this feeling again,

An emotion I have had before...

A Total Stranger on my place,

A place I considered as home.

My psyche, it kept on wandering...

Searching for places to Live on..."

-Angelo (//-x)...

Awaiting...

2009-06-15T06:04:00.004+08:00

"The sun slowly keeps on rising,

As my heart continues pounding;

Sooner, I can then stop thinking,

And I can now end this Awaiting..."

School, wait for me...

I'm coming...:)

White Noise...

2009-06-12T19:14:00.013+08:00

"White noise deafens me... Screaming silently through my unconsciousness..."

., It was almost twelve midnight, i connected the earphone power input to my phone and tried to search for a 'sleepy melody' and to my disappointment, there was nothing but a plain white noise...

Suddenly, I remembered a scene I have watched on the television show KYLE XY while i am still laid on my back... when He(Kyle) was also searching for a good music to help him get some sleep via the radio. If i am not mistaken, he was at the tub during those times... in a cold bath tub where he, in an instant found himself being able to find a good sleep... Kyle was like a kid during those times... and that is when i started to like him... i mean his role on the said TV show...

Back to my story...

Unfortunately, there was no good music for me. All that i am hearing and searching for are plain white noises... I can't find a good music, nothing for a good night sleep...Bothered or maybe just thinking of certain matters... matters about me being 'roughly rude' at times... all of a sudden being very judgmental and so direct that i was not able to control my words at certain situations... I do not really know if i have changed... yes, the innocent I was already gone. He was already buried deep down a hollow dig. Do i need to feel sorry about me losing naiveté?... maybe not... I am still a human being and what makes a human being far different from other living creatures is his ability to think and rationalize... and of course deep, reasonable feelings...

Like most individuals, I commit certain errors and at times not being aware of those... I am just a faulty human being. Maybe i have changed the path i was previously taking... simply turned separate ways from what other people expected me to take... I do not feel any regrets about the decisions i have made and the things I've done anyway... I do feel a little flash of guilt sometimes... which i think, is 'probably' normal... But certain situations do not always offer us the need to apologize, say sorry or simply ask for forgiveness... A Sorry for me, have just been a simple 'routinized word'... Quite easy to say huh... but clings to my ears indifferent from those white noises...

I continued searching for a pleasing sound... just like how much determined I am to search for appropriate decisions to make upon knowing some bits and pieces concerning other people...
Just like kyle, I have not found those answers in a one full night...

White noise deafens me... Screaming silently through my unconsciousness... with heavy eyelids and a dysfunctional hypothalamus, I felt like those white noises are melodic lullabies slowly seeping through my dead brain... A Deadpan thinking about how other people sees me and maybe how to deal with the situation.

"I don't need to prove myself to anyone"...

maybe i just need to give my

~~Smart~~ brain a good rest... and then just think of the details 'unannoyingly'...

till i wake up... that's when I might be able to THINK...

Paggunita... (Reminiscing...)

2009-06-04T16:34:00.012+08:00

"...anumang dahon na nalalagas sa isang puno ay dahan-dahang magkakasibol na muli..."

hindi ko mawari kung ano ang pumasok sa aking isipan kung bakit nagawa ko ang bagay na ito... basta ang alam ko lang, masaya ako habang nakikita ang mga larawang nagpapanumbalik sa mga pinakamasasayang ala-ala habang kapiling ko ang aking mga 'tunay na kaibigan'...

alam ko, walang permanenteng bagay na nalikha para magtagal dito sa mundo... ngunit alam ko rin na mayroon namang mga bagay o mga pangyayari na nagaganap upang ipanumbalik muli sa atin kung ano man yung mga bagay na maaari nating makaligtaan...

sa loob ng humigit-kumulang dalawang taon, ang mga taong ito ang aking nakasama sa paglikha ng mga ala-ala... mga ala-alang nagbigay kasiyahan at ngiti sa aking mga labi, at lungkot at mga luha sa aking mga mata sa kani-kaniyang mga pagkakataon... walang tao na kayang mabuhay nang nag iisa... gaano man kasaya o kagulo ang mundong kanyang ginagalawan sa iba't ibang panahon at pagkakataon... kinakailangan pa rin niya ng makakaramay upang punan ang isang kulang na bahagi upang mabuo ang isang masayang ala-ala...

ngayon, matapos ang mga masasayang panahong ito... ang mga bagay ay dumarating sa kani-kanilang kahahantungan... laging nagkakaroon ng pagbabago... walang nananatiling permanente sa nilikhang mundo... ang bawat naumpisahan, dumarating sa katapusan... ngunit sa bawat katapusang ito, muling sumisibol ang isang panibagong simula... isang simula na patuloy muling iinog... isang simula na nanggaling sa nakaraan at unti-unting gumagawa ng daan patungo sa kasalukuyan... kasalukuyang magdurugtong sa atin patungo sa hinaharap...

maaaring matapos ang isang samahan... maaaring mawala sa isang iglap ang mga bagay na hindi natin inaasahan... oh sa isang iglap rin mabago ang lahat-lahat...

hindi na muling maibabalik ang nakaraan... mabubuhay na lamang ang tao sa kanyang kasalukuyan... ngunit sa isang mumunting paglingon, maaari nating balikan ang mga bagay kung nanaisin... hindi sa pamamagitan ng pagbalik sa nakaraan, ngunit sa pamamagitan ng pagbuo sa naghihintay na hinaharap...

sa mga taong naging bahagi ng aking masaya, magulo, at mahirap na buhay kolehiyo; sa aking mga kaibigan, sana'y dumating ang pagkakataon na sabay sabay nating marating ang rurok ng tagumpay... ang muling lumikha ng kasiya-siyang mga sandali... at ang pagdidikit muli ng mga napipilas na pira-pirasong papel...

mula sa mga kathang isip na pagnanais... hanggang sa pagsasakatuparan ng mga ito...
sa bawat buhos ng inumin, at sa pagtaas ng mga baso... sa pagbabato ng mga bote, at pagsisigawang walang halaga (cheap:)...

"sa paglipas ng panahon, ang mga nalilikhang sugat ay unti-unting maghihilom...

katumbas ng anumang dahon na nalalagas sa isang puno at dahan-dahang nagkakasibol na muli..."

-angelo...=)

zZzZzZzZzZ...(-.-)

2009-05-18T00:55:00.006+08:00

.,haaaiiiizzzz... i wish i can still have a good night sleep or a good morning sleep rather....

just like what spongybob is doing...

good morning to me again...
just waiting for the light to come...

still disappointed...

haven't watch the concert... i'll just hear him sing in my dreams...
angel...

sweet dreams archie...:)

sweeter dreams to me...

After all, it's still friendship which counts...

2009-05-14T22:10:00.003+08:00

.,winners never quit... and quitters never win...^_^

i am still in a very incomprehensible situation right now... i was buried deep down by my instructor last Monday... i am still sick up to now... (this started last week, i had fever, stomach aches, head aches, i was to break down this afternoon and then got really sick, i have never gotten enough sleep since last saturday; slept at two or three in the morning and wake up at 5 or 5:30 just to get to my first subject...) i never felt that good regarding school works... i am so tired of being a leader though i really have to be a good one... its not my choice nor do i want it to happen to me... what's with me?... does everybody really want me to die earlier than what is planned?... i definitely don't have a charm to lead others but i don't know if people really believes i can do things more than ordinary... or am i speaking for themselves for the refreshing sound of being me?...

i haven't got any idea how to cope with stress, stressful situations and depression... i was over fatigued... literally restless and unhappy of the situations...

though other people tries to bring my group down by doing something out of their 'conscience'... i believe... that the world will still keep on turning... and in that way, time will come... the sun will soon be shinning towards our place... and the the other brighter place will now be experiencing to live in the dark, though there's still the presence of the moonlight, it is still insufficient to brighten their wholly dark night... and i know, we can still make it up....

the stars will soon be kneeling down... we will rise up and slowly dig and pound rocks into ashes...

after all, it is still friendship which counts... and i am happy i have it...:)
thanks for all these people within my circle...
and the One on Top of it...

change is constant, in both positive and negative ways....

last and first...

2009-04-30T23:12:00.004+08:00

.,i kept on asking myself if i have really convinced 'me' to stay on this situation or just hold back...

what's good about being a student nurse?... about failing to reach your aim?... about always struggling to get on track?...

i am just starting to travel the road which i have chosen. i don't know why i am here... i don't know what i am doing... i am facing every tomorrow with fear, anxious to do the things i don't really have no idea if i like (it)... i need to continue taking each and every step with people i know, like me, does not see the essence of being in this kind of situation right here, right now... having only a little empty heart for a caring and loving profession... a destiny waiting to be fulfilled, a vocation where there is no room for mistakes and errors...

honestly, idk if i still see a difference between schooling and studying... about exerting efforts and knowledge and by merely just going in and leaving out of the 'university' gate... i always wanted to feel or see even for some time a certain kind of flickering light... we can't always teach our hearts to be placed where it should be or rather where it wants to be... to feel this or that... compared to the one weighing above our heads...

i don't know if i am getting weak... losing strength psychologically, feeble physiologically, and frail spiritually... problems and struggles are undertaking me... i am slowly drawing out of my life...

change is a one thing that is constant in every person's life... and i will continue to undergo adjustments and some amendments for instances...

i wish i can do better... to have more rooms for improvements.... and much more for acceptance... if this is where i should be... if this is my destiny... if i can't manipulate where i want to be...

if wishes can only be dreams... and that dreams would only come true...

if and only if...

angel...

2009-03-31T21:52:00.005+08:00

.,i can't help but remember those still times... when everything was all fine... when things were in their right places...

this music video was shoot long months ago... about October 2008 i think... from diverse paths... to cross roads... becoming a group... working together for a single aim...

this song means a lot to me... touches my heart whenever i am hearing it...

i wish i could go back...

if only i could...:)

p.s.

it's raining tonight... the temperature is low... but the tension in this house is high... there will still be tomorrow... some things can wait...:(

.,dreary... overcast... :(

2009-03-29T14:27:00.007+08:00

.,“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”- Newton’s 3^rd law…

“We fall for us to learn how to rise up again. We fear so that we’ll know how to be courageous. We fade so that we’ll be able to repaint ourselves back… “

Some things were really just meant to be broken… why? I have no idea… I have written on my previous blog post a statement where in it sounds like or rather seems like I have promised that I will be an academic scholar on my 3^rd year first semester… I expected so much from myself… I think I still don’t know me.

Every individual who belongs on my circle of friends believes so much in me more than I trust myself now. Every one expects that this person, the one in front of them can do no wrong… the way he speaks and his gestures talk. He seems to be like a candle light in a path of darkness… yes, at times I glow but I cannot escape from the fact that all lights even the sun’s can one day lose its own brightness.

I was once a glowing star during my high school days. All of my teachers know me well, that I am an outstanding student. It even reached the time when my teacher introduced me to a department head and that’s when I was well known… the former department head of the mathematics department, the science department, and once by the filipino department head… I was once presented in front of these individuals by my homeroom class advisers. Although I was not that popular in the whole school I felt contented and valued whenever I see that my instructors recognizes me… and knows and remembers my ‘angelic name’…J

Annually in my four years of studying on my Alma Mater I never missed to be on the list of the recognized student… if medals, then there will be certificates of recognition given… I thought I was the best. That it was my shinning moment, that I can continue leaving footprints wherever I go… my mind was filled with air… I felt I was starting to float… I do not belong on the Star section but I know I can dance with their music… that’s how much I believe in myself… (That was during my high school days…)

My college life became rough during my first semester but I managed to get back on track the following semesters… (2^nd semester and summer) second year first semester, my major subjects got high on me… I was buried deep down… Second year, second semester, mid- term… I thought I was doing fine… oh no… not fine, make it good… but I went into a roller coaster ride while making my way to the finals… the result? I felt so much dizziness within me… my mind was going in circles… I was too confident that I myself was the one who dug my own pit. I started falling down…

My friends do believe that I do good on my academics that is why they think that I am just making fools out of them when I am telling them that I failed to get into the ceiling of being an academic scholar… but that’s when I realized that life isn’t always pure light, glow or brightness… sometimes we need to experience living in the dark for our eyes to pursue and seek for brightness… to look for better ways on how to grow, as a person, as an individual… lessons in life makes us stronger… that’s what I know... and I am learning to accept the fact that not all things that you are wanting will always be given to you. We are created not to be an indelible and perfect human being. We each have our rooms for improvement and we cannot fill them if we already consider ourselves perfect…

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, if you make little actions then you’ll probably get less reaction. But what if you make huge actions and yet you still get tiny, little reactions? Maybe that’s the time not to think of another possible action but to find better solutions, remedies and be able to resist the trials…

We need to move out of our comfort zones… “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction… We fall for us to learn how to rise up again. We fear so that we’ll know how to be courageous. We fade so that we’ll be able to repaint ourselves back…

.,Love, sunset...:)

2009-03-17T21:27:00.005+08:00

.,"In every beginning, there will always be a succeeding end..."

there will always be a time in our lives when we will meet our own correspondents... somebody to help us write the stories of our lives... some one who will hand over you some papers to write onto... some to give you your writing pens when your inks lost lives... and others- erasers and correction fluids to keep you going after doing slip-ups to put you back on track...

after the longs hours of busy and wearisome schooling the colors painted above the skies always gives me a sigh of relief...

the amusing sunsets, a positive loneliness, rest and selflessness... these things clears my mind from doubtful thoughts and judgmental aspects running within it during critical times...

a perfect picture painted, having no viewing price to pay... God is Great... sunsets are gay...
and i love them better than sunrises...

sunsets starts the new sunrises... both gives way for the entrance of the other... but isn't it nicer to think of what you have accomplished for the whole day, reminiscin' the valuable stuffs you have done after the very busy daylight hours... of course doing the look backs at the end of the day... when the sun sets to rest and the moon then starts to work...

when people starts to shut their eyelids down and you alone tend to take a peek out to the beauty of nature, and then you'll start to think,

wishing for calm nights, sweet dreams...thinking of a not existing love life and all the blessings you have been waiting for so long... come to think of it, most people tends to remember just more of the negatives... and i am one of them... i am and was never a negativist nor a pessimist... but during the past few hours... i admit.. i kinda was...

shifting topics... i have always loved the beauty of the night... the glow of the moon during the dim, cold evening... makes me transform from a filthy human being to a clean hunting monster... there sprouted wings and sharp fangs...

if you were given this, you can't expect for the other fact that you can be given that... we can't always have everything all to be possessed at once... it takes time... like how the skies waits for the sunset to arrive... and how the moon waits while the sleeping of the sun takes place... we all have our own precious times... it just comes... we don't know when or how... but it is not important... what is more important is to believe that it will happen... it will happen if you'll learn to wait... patience, just this eight-letter word... and add another five for that... ef. ey. ay. ti. eytch... look op to BRO... HE's always there... presently watching...

life is a never ending examination... multiple choice type at times... and some unexpected identifications... lucky if there is a cross matching... (quite easy huh..) but never will be enumerations... what if there is an essay type?... or would you rather choose to define?...

do we need to able to defend powerfully?... or disappoint yourselves while getting away?...

i really don't care... now, i can sleep soundly...and from the spaces of my own room will i set my mind that 'things just don't always go the way we want it...'

.,raining...

2009-03-17T06:40:00.006+08:00

.,march's first rainfall.. yes, it's raining in the Philippines after those hot and humid days... i feel my eyes still wanna shut its eyelids... sleepy... the weather wants me to go back to sleep.... but sadly, i can't...
sleepless nights will now soon be over... i am expecting that this will be the one of the last times when i will sleep at twelve midnight...with bulky eyebags... stress life... and what more negatives could i ever wish for...

we will be having our defense this morning at eight... i was not able to prepare for myself all the things i possibly need for that happening... i was busy doing stuffs for other people and so i was not able to give time for myself... pity me... power point presentations... graphs... interpretations... my head is now turning up and over... nearly crazy... i don't know what is going to happen later... i'll take part in an event in my history of college life unprepared... unknowledgeable of what might happen... my heart wanna jump off its pericardial sac right now...

i wanna die... 'if the members of the group doesn't know the answer for the question thrown to them the leader is the one who, in his highness shall answer or allow me to say, 'obligated'to answer for his dum dum member... whew... yes, thanks to them, i am the leader of our group... how i wish they won't throw garbages when we're there on the situation already... i don't know how long will that take... it depends upon the panel i guess... and i don't have any idea who they are... how to approach people... how to behave... how to answer... and so many how to's and what if's...

i have finished the stage of examinations... now, proceeding to defense, and after this, what
awaits we is a Con... a game of trick... some kinda confidence game... we are going to have a play... that's it.. the EDC of the alphabet... reversed right?... that's how college life goes... no AB's... just backward EDC's... get it?...

Good luck to them... God'bless to us my dear groupmates... my friends...and classmates... whew!...
breathe... inhale... exhale... breathe...

it is still raining for more than half an hour now... and i don't think it'll be stopping soon... (and come to think of it... i don't have any umbrella... mine just broke... and idon't know how to get to school without getting all soaky wet...)

and my eyes,

they also wanna do so...

they wanna rain...:(